Is it appropriate to make your grown children fend for themselves during the holidays?

[WorseBeforeBetter]

67. I can understand a teenager wanting to play video games,

but s/he would have tasks, like setting the table, offering up beverages, clearing the table, washing dishes, taking out the trash/recycling, etc. I'm having a tough time understanding the adult kids, especially this:

We never see a birthday gift, Christmas gift or even an offer to bring a dish for the large meals we prepare.

I agree with the poster upthread -- tell everyone NOW you have a massive headache (or something) and need to cancel the brunch. Open the wine, draw a bubble bath, watch your movies, read magazines -- whatever makes you happy. Clear your head and get a bit of rest before Sunday's feast.

You need to manage expectations. The adult children can host on occasion. Go out to a restaurant one year (or years) to take the pressure off. If you do host, offer the beverages and turkey and/or ham (hell, lasagna if that's what your family likes), and tell everyone to bring a dish. Take off with just the hubby as suggested upthread. I remember the first year my family didn't spent Thanksgiving together. My mother and new stepfather went to Hawaii -- see ya suckers! We kids survived.

I can't imagine showing up to anyone's home empty-handed, including my parents.