I've got a real problem with children being described as "spoiled rotten"

[laundry_queen]

56. I think it can cause harm when used often and with contempt

my parents (who tend towards narcissism according to my therapist) used to say that to me quite often whenever they didn't want me to have something. First, let's establish I was not spoiled. I had to work and buy my own clothing/toiletries and earn my own spending money starting at age 11. I had many chores. I had few toys or possessions as a child. Every thing I had was treasured, because I didn't have much. It wasn't that my parents couldn't afford it - they spent the money on themselves. When I would ask for, say, a new pair of jeans or winter boots and I would get upset when my mom took me to Value Village or Goodwill I was told I was 'spoiled rotten' and that I should be happy that she would buy me anything at all. Anytime I asked for anything that most kids my age in my town just expected to get, I was told I was spoiled rotten.

Yet, sometimes, she would indulge me, usually at Christmas or birthdays. But if I pointed out the hypocrisy of her buying thousands of dollars worth of clothing for herself, but I had only 3 pairs of jeans I was told I was 'spoiled rotten' and 'didn't appreciate what I had'.

It was a demeaning term used to put me 'in my place' and to let me know that my wants and needs weren't important to her.

My (yes, sadly, narcissistic) ex does the same with our children. Calls them spoiled when they want something like good sneakers when they make the basketball team, while he goes on cruises and spends thousands on new business suits for himself. It's a way to make you feel guilty for asking for anything. Makes you feel like you are not worth anything.

Now there are other ways parents can emotionally scar their kids without using the exact wording of 'spoiled rotten' but used in the context I have written about, it can cause harm. BTW, I'm Canadian so maybe there is a cultural difference going on but I doubt it. I've heard people use it jokingly too.