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[onpatrol98]

117. Good luck with such a tough issue...

My husband is almost 10 years older than I am. And, he was definitely ready to be a father before I was ready to become a mother. But, eventually, I was ready. We did have some tough moments about it. He couldn't put himself in my shoes...and I couldn't really put myself in his. Now, that I'm older I see it better. He was concerned that he would be too old to do the things a father wants to do with a young child. Now, that I'm older (LOL), that makes perfectly good sense to me. But, at the time, I felt like I had plenty of time and that he was rushing me. He was never argumentative about it. But, just knowing he was ready and I was not created tension.

I'm glad you're having this discussion with your wife. Honesty is key. Is she saying she doesn't ever want to be a mother...or simply that she's not ready. If she's not ready, then there's nothing more you can do but wait...but, I think you do have the right to ask her what her concerns are. For instance, if you work a lot, and a lot of the responsibility will be on her and her alone, perhaps she's anticipating problems. And, maybe right now, all she sees are problems and no solutions.

Although many fathers are great and active dads...I think many women still feel, the bulk of the responsibility for being a parent rests with us. While, some men, not all...still maintain quite a bit of freedom. She also has a right to know why this is so important to you, right now. And, how do the expectations of your extended families play into all of this?

My husband assured me, he was a hands on dad. He is. My own father was not. And, I brought a lot of that baggage with me, whenever we discussed having a family. The children were my mother's problem. My father was in the home and an absent father at the same time. Non committal and generally uninterested. You can try to alleviate any fears and concerns she may have. But, be honest. If she's not ready, at least she's being honest with you. I think that is to be commended. Otherwise, perhaps your children would suffer and she would be unhappy. That would make you unhappy as well. And, I know that's not what you want. But, if you continue talking, perhaps eventually you'll be at the same place. And, you'll all be happier for it.

Good Luck!!!