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Hekate

(100,131 posts)

77. In religious terms, it's kind of like being a Calvinist: You know the Truth, and everyone else...

Tue Mar 11, 2014, 01:33 PM

Mar 2014

... is going to Hell for eternity. Nothing in between.

May I repeat: I am a non-smoker.

I was raised in a houseful of smoke (1950s-1960s) by a conscientious, loving, really good mother who tried again and again to quit the habit. I saw her struggles with cigarettes. Instead of making me despise her, it made me empathize with her. That's empathy, by the way -- knowing it (whatever human failing it might be) could be you, and caring about it.

It kills me that my daughter smokes -- she started as a rebellious middle-schooler, and is now almost 40. I don't despise her, I feel sorry for her, as I know what she is up against.

When she and her husband split up, by the way, he tried to use her smoking against her in a custody fight. When the toddler comes back from mandated overnights with daddy he has flea bites and a gas station hot dog for breakfast -- but that jerk thought he could use mommy's smoking as a weapon....

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This message was self-deleted by its author [View all] alp227 Mar 2014 OP

And it's your concern why? HipChick Mar 2014 #1

+1 1000words Mar 2014 #2

because I believe people have the right not to breathe others' filth alp227 Mar 2014 #4

Your first thought was "to take away her children." 1000words Mar 2014 #9

hate to ask but what IS the progressive stance on taking children away from families? alp227 Mar 2014 #10

"parental rights" is a parental movement pintobean Mar 2014 #29

keeping kids safe from things that will harm them is authoritarian? wow think of all those leftyohiolib Mar 2014 #79

Let me know when pintobean Mar 2014 #98

Yep. Not ticketed. Not fined. Not censured or shamed. Iggo Mar 2014 #121

"Parental rights" is an actual thing in law, like "marital rights", not owned by the RW Hekate Mar 2014 #48

I think "taking children away from families" really ought to be reserved for egregiously fucked up Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #139

Your childhood Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #147

Yep. Grew up in the Midwest, and it was all "it's too cold out to roll the windows down!" Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #165

My husband's Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #169

yeah, it so frustrates me about parents who are so callous they'd smoke with their children present. alp227 Mar 2014 #176

I've moved on, in my own case. Certainly watching my Dad die of lung cancer didn't endear me to Warren DeMontague Mar 2014 #177

+ 1000 2pooped2pop Mar 2014 #178

Children have rights to be with the parents they love. Denying children those rights is a Right sabrina 1 Mar 2014 #161

If you were going to critically thing about this issue... MrMickeysMom Mar 2014 #85

You're absolutely correct: Feral Child Mar 2014 #90

But in the end, you walked away and did mind your own business. Cofitachequi Mar 2014 #95

But for the record, i my "polito-dictionary" Cofitachequi Mar 2014 #99

There is no way the trauma of being taken away from home and put in foster care gollygee Mar 2014 #108

It's about someone's choice Rider3 Mar 2014 #181

Take away the children? yeoman6987 Mar 2014 #66

This is why AtheistCrusader Mar 2014 #199

Seriously? Viva_La_Revolution Mar 2014 #3

/\ this x1000000 deathrind Mar 2014 #86

++ yes... Voice for Peace Mar 2014 #171

I would be far more concerned if the child was sitting next pipoman Mar 2014 #5

A simple case of MYOB seveneyes Mar 2014 #6

No. A simple case of EMPATHY for others. alp227 Mar 2014 #8

Your problem is that you lack empathy, not that you have too much of it. nt Hekate Mar 2014 #33

How? How? How? How? HOW? alp227 Mar 2014 #75

Empathy: The ability to recognize and share someone else's feelings; actively understanding them Hekate Mar 2014 #83

Typically, the term "ignorant fuckwad" does not denote an excess of empathy Orrex Mar 2014 #91

She meant impathy Capt. Obvious Mar 2014 #92

I think empathy would lead you to help and support the mother, Voice for Peace Mar 2014 #172

true. but smoking annoys me enough I had such impure thoughts. nt alp227 Mar 2014 #184

very few smokers are proud of being smokers. Voice for Peace Mar 2014 #200

It's more fun to indulge in hate Mariana Mar 2014 #212

When having "empathy" for others... pipi_k Mar 2014 #198

Smoking? Outdoors?!? OUTRAGEOUS!!! Orrex Mar 2014 #7

I think we have room in the Fema Camps Capt. Obvious Mar 2014 #18

Don't even waste your time, alp227. Aristus Mar 2014 #11

Exactly. Look at the other OPs I've started about 2nd hand smoke alp227 Mar 2014 #14

You were expecting something different? notadmblnd Mar 2014 #67

Bingo Capt. Obvious Mar 2014 #72

I'm missing something, Capt. O, Feral Child Mar 2014 #94

To feel righteous. Mariana Mar 2014 #120

Kinda glad Feral Child Mar 2014 #162

In religious terms, it's kind of like being a Calvinist: You know the Truth, and everyone else... Hekate Mar 2014 #77

thank you for your posts. Voice for Peace Mar 2014 #173

Always the same reaction Dorian Gray Mar 2014 #151

Perhaps she should be forcibly sterilized to protect future children from her evil. Orrex Mar 2014 #27

Or she should just stop smoking. Aristus Mar 2014 #32

Or you could start smoking Capt. Obvious Mar 2014 #42

You may have missed the point, which is that smoking is not healthy. Aristus Mar 2014 #54

Smoking is not the only thing in this life that is unhealthy. Autumn Mar 2014 #100

Science is not on your side on this one. Aristus Mar 2014 #102

I disagree, I don't believe there is a safe level of drinking. Science changes all the time. Autumn Mar 2014 #111

As with the flat-earthers, your belief does not out-weigh the science. Aristus Mar 2014 #112

flat-earthers?? Autumn Mar 2014 #115

Flat-earthers. Aristus Mar 2014 #124

For now? That might change after a few drinks Autumn Mar 2014 #134

That's his addiction speaking Capt. Obvious Mar 2014 #125

I kind of gathered that with the insult and defensiveness. Autumn Mar 2014 #131

Science has also determined that second hand smoke risk is cumulative... Lizzie Poppet Mar 2014 #126

I've never smoked anything in my life. Orrex Mar 2014 #53

In your world, perhaps, reasonal medical concern equates with pearl-clutching. Aristus Mar 2014 #56

What is the reasonable medical concern, exactly? Orrex Mar 2014 #64

That's your addiction speaking Capt. Obvious Mar 2014 #57

That's an attempt to distract me from your attempt to distract me from Benghazi. Orrex Mar 2014 #61

We can turn this thread into a Benghazi thread if you prefer Capt. Obvious Mar 2014 #63

damn you, Candy Crush Voice for Peace Mar 2014 #175

junkies get mad when u start dissin the junk leftyohiolib Mar 2014 #82

No doubt. Aristus Mar 2014 #104

Smoking around non smokers is selfish. In_The_Wind Mar 2014 #153

You can just call us the Friends of Free Choice... Lost_Count Mar 2014 #191

The child doesn't get a choice. Aristus Mar 2014 #197

You should start a charity... Lost_Count Mar 2014 #206

I was trying to think of all the ways that was a stupid post. Aristus Mar 2014 #208

The reason people like you are disturbing... Lost_Count Mar 2014 #209

Well, I'm a medical provider. Aristus Mar 2014 #210

Peachy for you... Lost_Count Mar 2014 #211

Growing up in the 60's/70's many adults smoked near children itsrobert Mar 2014 #12

Actually it is in CA (you have a Laker avatar...are you in CA too?) alp227 Mar 2014 #17

thanks itsrobert Mar 2014 #71

My mother was a nurse and she smoked throughout her pregnancies. Laffy Kat Mar 2014 #35

Yep, it's a new one. Iggo Mar 2014 #135

Your rights end where her nose begins. Where she smokes is HER business. Not yours. shraby Mar 2014 #13

wow. try "it's none of your fucking business" on for size cali Mar 2014 #15

That made me laugh... HipChick Mar 2014 #30

Best response so far! LibertyLover Mar 2014 #51

My thought also. CVN-68 Mar 2014 #110

hey, welcome to DU! cali Mar 2014 #117

Thank you kindly. CVN-68 Mar 2014 #122

You passed up such a golden opportunity to be a nosy busy body Capt. Obvious Mar 2014 #16

Mother is wrong PowerToThePeople Mar 2014 #19

Sorry to tell you this MO_Moderate Mar 2014 #20

Foster care is much more harmful to children than walking next to a parents smoking. OregonBlue Mar 2014 #21

Some people would say that your parents didn't love you Mariana Mar 2014 #128

I'm 65. When I was growing up, everyone's parents smoked around them. OregonBlue Mar 2014 #188

YES TAKE AWAY THE CHILDREN!! sharp_stick Mar 2014 #22

That could be an awesome teaching moment. Autumn Mar 2014 #149

Take away her children? RobertEarl Mar 2014 #23

+1 Gidney N Cloyd Mar 2014 #31

Why not go home with them and see what she feeds the kid? If... TreasonousBastard Mar 2014 #24

They were outside? Oh, FFS. Lizzie Poppet Mar 2014 #25

This non-smoker says: Get. A. Grip. Hekate Mar 2014 #26

+1000 recs HipChick Mar 2014 #28

+1000 recs SmittynMo Mar 2014 #62

+1 n/t jaysunb Mar 2014 #39

Couldn't have said it better myself. wercal Mar 2014 #59

"seek professional help"? alp227 Mar 2014 #74

What legitimate question? You fantasized about acts of verbal violence. You have real anger issues. Hekate Mar 2014 #87

yep, if you think taking the children away is a good idea- you need to help figuring out exactly how bettyellen Mar 2014 #146

Exactly! Amaya Mar 2014 #167

That kid will probably be just fine without your help. Gidney N Cloyd Mar 2014 #34

While I sympathize with your concern Kelvin Mace Mar 2014 #36

I am in favor of a law stating NO SMOKING outside within x amount of feet of any children... Tikki Mar 2014 #37

No point having a big confrontation, IMO LeftishBrit Mar 2014 #38

PS- and CERTAINLY no cause to take someone's kid away! LeftishBrit Mar 2014 #148

The smokers defend any smoking anywhere! nt Logical Mar 2014 #40

huh? really? I haven't noticed that. cali Mar 2014 #41

I'm not even a smoker ... allergic to it, in fact. 1000words Mar 2014 #50

I'm not a smoker. I think the OP needs to mind his own business. Throd Mar 2014 #114

I don't. Exposing kids to smoke is not what a normal parent does. n-t Logical Mar 2014 #214

Who defines "normal"? Throd Mar 2014 #216

Are you ready to take the child Sissyk Mar 2014 #219

My aunt has lung cancer abelenkpe Mar 2014 #43

I hope we can get this on the front page of DU Capt. Obvious Mar 2014 #44

Smoking is a true curse packman Mar 2014 #45

If you tried to take away someone's child for that ... MicaelS Mar 2014 #46

One good thing to remember is that 90 per cent of everything is none of your business. Morning Dew Mar 2014 #47

You sound like a bad person. cthulu2016 Mar 2014 #49

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #52

I fully agree with the "no smoking near a door" laws. Lizzie Poppet Mar 2014 #58

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #65

Smudging with kale might help. uppityperson Mar 2014 #105

Having an objectionable odor that wafts into your space is not the same as being deadly to you Hekate Mar 2014 #152

Go away. Comrade Grumpy Mar 2014 #55

The smoke police are driving me mad Politicalboi Mar 2014 #60

wow that's the dumbest thing i think ive read. religion doesnt give you lung cancer leftyohiolib Mar 2014 #88

You ever been in the foster care system? Do you have the slightest idea what you are saying here? SomethingFishy Mar 2014 #68

Sigh. there are people out there who I wish were not parents. alp227 Mar 2014 #78

No, it's not even close. SomethingFishy Mar 2014 #109

you becoming a parent frightens me more- the lack of sense you have over what would be right for the bettyellen Mar 2014 #143

Seriously. Sheldon Cooper Mar 2014 #144

+1000 Sissyk Mar 2014 #220

Who were you going to call, the police? boston bean Mar 2014 #69

The OP wasn't going to do shit Mariana Mar 2014 #204

I was wondering that too. I'm glad I read the whole thread before I responded. Captain Stern Mar 2014 #215

if this is what you would teach a child, give me the smokin' parent. nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #70

Perspective KT2000 Mar 2014 #73

Relax! Smoking is actually good for children, kittens, and puppies. Zorra Mar 2014 #76

This is the first time you've seen this? RiffRandell Mar 2014 #80

Wow... deathrind Mar 2014 #81

It's funny? amuse bouche Mar 2014 #118

The deathrind Mar 2014 #187

Still not funny. amuse bouche Mar 2014 #192

I think we should establish government committees that closely monitor all potentially harmful or Douglas Carpenter Mar 2014 #84

This is one of the most reprehenible and inhuman things I have ever seen on DU Bluenorthwest Mar 2014 #89

+ LiberalAndProud Mar 2014 #97

Take away her children? KamaAina Mar 2014 #93

In fact, the OP did nothing at all Mariana Mar 2014 #150

A distinct lack of courage for their conviction? CVN-68 Mar 2014 #155

Communication can be difficult pintobean Mar 2014 #157

! Mariana Mar 2014 #166

That depends entirely on whether one thinks the child is indeed being harmed. Lizzie Poppet Mar 2014 #156

Well put. CVN-68 Mar 2014 #158

The OP thought the danger was so great Mariana Mar 2014 #164

None of your business. Was her child beaten, bruised or starving? Autumn Mar 2014 #96

Was it illegal for her to smoke where she was? CVN-68 Mar 2014 #101

Take a trip to Paris or Madrid and you will see this many times each day. Nye Bevan Mar 2014 #103

I detest smoking too amuse bouche Mar 2014 #106

It's time to see a psychiatrist. DesMoinesDem Mar 2014 #107

I can't imagine the secondhand smoke is doing too much damage outside gollygee Mar 2014 #113

TRUE STORY: Adrahil Mar 2014 #116

You are unhinged. Throd Mar 2014 #119

Very true. JackRiddler Mar 2014 #130

My brain must be over-imaginative. I must be overly moralistic. alp227 Mar 2014 #194

Come down off the cross. Sheldon Cooper Mar 2014 #201

It's a shame that she does this around her child LittleBlue Mar 2014 #123

You have got to be fucking kidding me. Sheldon Cooper Mar 2014 #127

I saw this woman driving. JackRiddler Mar 2014 #129

I can't make sense of your op. NCTraveler Mar 2014 #132

How would you have felt if it was a MAN smoking around kids? Warpy Mar 2014 #133

ANYONE who smokes near kids is inconsiderate and unhealthy period. nt alp227 Mar 2014 #137

ANYONE suggesting that children should be taken away because an adult CVN-68 Mar 2014 #142

Wow. Bobbie Jo Mar 2014 #136

Lol pintobean Mar 2014 #141

I don't remember any of this happening before 2008. zappaman Mar 2014 #138

did you drive your car or ride a bus to school...? mike_c Mar 2014 #140

All my smoker friends are dead BlueStreak Mar 2014 #145

How many of your friends are dead Mariana Mar 2014 #154

I don't know BlueStreak Mar 2014 #182

A lot of vitriol spewed towards you in this thread. Vashta Nerada Mar 2014 #159

No need for people to be nasty, I agree. Lizzie Poppet Mar 2014 #160

indeed Douglas Carpenter Mar 2014 #189

Take away her kid because she smokes? Amaya Mar 2014 #163

Are you kidding? I smoked when my kids were young, not in the house adigal Mar 2014 #168

best to clean up our own shortcomings.. this would keep each of us so busy, Voice for Peace Mar 2014 #170

Children get molested in foster care sometimes. bravenak Mar 2014 #174

You had to wonder if it was worth ruining someone's life? phil89 Mar 2014 #179

Some people hate smokers so much Mariana Mar 2014 #183

Health Ghettos HockeyMom Mar 2014 #207

The OP is just trolling. Skeeter Barnes Mar 2014 #185

That's fine if you don't like it. Rider3 Mar 2014 #180

Wow, you were too busy to save a child from perceived abuse? Ino Mar 2014 #186

Please stay away from all children... Lost_Count Mar 2014 #190

I'll just leave this here krawhitham Mar 2014 #193

Didn't watch it yet, but the guy in the thumbnail is right wing radio host Larry Elder, alp227 Mar 2014 #196

If we had these designated smoking areas for outside, it would actually benefit the smoker because.. Tikki Mar 2014 #195

Do all you can working to ban cigarettes HockeyMom Mar 2014 #202

Sigh...how many times do I have to correct the framing? alp227 Mar 2014 #203

Have you had every vaccination around too? HockeyMom Mar 2014 #217

(Facepalm) ARE YOU SERIOUS? VACCINES? you compared tobacco to vaccines? nt alp227 Mar 2014 #221

I don't like it, would never do it, it's disgusting.....but Kilgore Mar 2014 #218

The horror. The horror. pa28 Mar 2014 #205

I remember as a kid my dad used to have me hold his cigerette while driving... dilby Mar 2014 #213