General Discussion

malthaussen

(17,729 posts)

100. The analogy is imperfect, but...

Sun Mar 30, 2014, 09:29 AM

Mar 2014

... I have a friend whose name is constantly mispronounced by everyone. It's not a hard name, either. She dislikes this intensely, and makes a point of reminding people whenever they mispronounce it. Yet some people continue to do so, regardless of knowing better. Once her boss even yelled at her "Don't give me that shit about your name again."

She is convinced (and I obviously agree) that this attitude reflects contempt, disregard, and not a little self-centeredness on the part of those people. Seems like a denial of personhood, and rather vindictive when it is a deliberate policy and not an honest mistake.

As I say, the analogy is imperfect, and obviously having one's name mispronounced is trivial when compared to physical assault. But I submit that the roots for both lie in the aggressive refusal to acknowledge the right of another individual to her own dignity and self-integrity. Or identity, even.

-- Mal

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Highlight:

#rapecultureiswhen Is the Perfect Answer to Everyone Who Denies Rape Culture Exists [View all] redqueen Mar 2014 OP

Yet so many still deny such a thing exists... Ohio Joe Mar 2014 #1

It's so exhausting. Squinch Mar 2014 #2

K&R nt Zorra Mar 2014 #3

The post was alerted on and was 6-0 to leave it. Warpy Mar 2014 #4

Who the fuck would alert on this? cyberswede Mar 2014 #5

Results.. one_voice Mar 2014 #7

Juror 6 rocks! cyberswede Mar 2014 #10

Yes, indeed! In_The_Wind Mar 2014 #74

I agree... CSStrowbridge Mar 2014 #103

"Telling women to stop talking about rape and rape culture gives rapists cover" yes. and we have seabeyond Mar 2014 #106

Absolutely! nt laundry_queen Mar 2014 #182

Rape culture threads seem to make the alerter feel guilt. As Juror 6 said, "Fancy that." Squinch Mar 2014 #16

No women's issues in public BainsBane Mar 2014 #34

I am not one bit surprised... Ohio Joe Mar 2014 #6

Agreed BainsBane Mar 2014 #35

clearest evidence of misogyny you gonna get around here. mopinko Mar 2014 #79

Can you post the jury results? Sheldon Cooper Mar 2014 #8

Rape culture is when an OP like this gets alerted on at a progressive website. nt Zorra Mar 2014 #12

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Yep Squinch Mar 2014 #18

you know it. Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2014 #37

For the win. n/t Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #48

Spot on. CrispyQ Mar 2014 #117

On a website this big, there are inevitably trolls, anyone can alert... Hippo_Tron Mar 2014 #118

This thread was alerted on! sheshe2 Mar 2014 #14

Because, I guess, rape culture is just a mentality. Squinch Mar 2014 #20

To bad! sheshe2 Mar 2014 #22

And of course, our bodies have a way of shutting-that-whole-thing-down anyway, calimary Mar 2014 #32

Oui. sheshe2 Mar 2014 #43

If this OP was a REAL hide-worthy OP cui bono Mar 2014 #150

How utterly sad and pathetic. Sheldon Cooper Mar 2014 #21

Why we need to keep talking about ‘rape culture’ sheshe2 Mar 2014 #25

That's just another way of saying, "We don't want to annoy the men by being too vocal Squinch Mar 2014 #27

Yes, Squinch. sheshe2 Mar 2014 #38

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #69

The RAINN statement is rank bullshit: blackspade Mar 2014 #31

Are you saying that I am full of bullshit? sheshe2 Mar 2014 #33

Definitely not you! blackspade Mar 2014 #41

Thank you blackspade. sheshe2 Mar 2014 #54

Is he deliberately not getting it? CrispyQ Mar 2014 #121

From reading the posts in this thread and others, there seems to be a striking similarity between... AdHocSolver Mar 2014 #51

Good observations blackspade Mar 2014 #148

dingdingdingding!! we have a winner: That's EXACTLY the connection zazen Mar 2014 #203

I hope you can find it. redqueen Mar 2014 #204

BWAH! or, I know you were severely traumatized years ago by a series of capitalist abuses, zazen Mar 2014 #209

here it is: from Counterpunch: Bob Jensen's interview re book "Getting Past Capitalism" zazen Mar 2014 #211

You know what's really old? BainsBane Mar 2014 #36

It is getting old, Lunacee_2013 Mar 2014 #61

Of course it was. redqueen Mar 2014 #45

i have an idea of who might have alerted it JI7 Mar 2014 #46

Interesting that they haven't posted in the thread. nt redqueen Mar 2014 #49

It's probably the same one who sent the SOP alert BainsBane Mar 2014 #149

An SOP alert, too? redqueen Mar 2014 #153

SOP alert. why>?????? lol. womens issue only belongs in a group? no fuggin way. lol. nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #164

This message was self-deleted by its author A-Schwarzenegger Mar 2014 #60

As already noted by several others... malthaussen Mar 2014 #91

yup. nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #97

Blurred lines. progressoid Mar 2014 #9

Being completely out of touch, I looked up the lyrics to the song. CrispyQ Mar 2014 #123

In fairness, it is *very* catchy. redqueen Mar 2014 #126

It is. But I prefer Marvin Gaye for that funk. progressoid Mar 2014 #171

It was a cringe-worthy moment. progressoid Mar 2014 #172

k and r--people ask why I don't do facebook--that pic and the fact that it was not removed is niyad Mar 2014 #11

Pic blew my mind. And it's OK? Jesus fucking christ. toby jo Mar 2014 #17

Pictures and sparkly images just like it have been posted in The DU Lounge Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2014 #39

K&R Soylent Brice Mar 2014 #13

K&R! sheshe2 Mar 2014 #15

k&r to view later chervilant Mar 2014 #19

Rape culture exists when you allow a rapist to go free seveneyes Mar 2014 #23

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #78

Doesn't mean it's not, does it? mbperrin Mar 2014 #113

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #116

wow. hey woman... meldramatic. we have more rigths than anywhere else. STFU.... seabeyond Mar 2014 #120

No value. mbperrin Mar 2014 #122

cause we have menstrual cycles and get all emotional. shruggin, .... evo psych. lol. nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #127

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #136

You seem awful naive. KitSileya Mar 2014 #138

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #139

Yes it is naive, KitSileya Mar 2014 #143

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #152

If you cannot see that aspirations are largely created by the society mbperrin Mar 2014 #156

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #159

Who said they should be gender exclusive? They clearly are, since mbperrin Mar 2014 #155

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #158

This message was self-deleted by its author A-Schwarzenegger Mar 2014 #163

for now. good to see. nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #165

amazing the people Texasgal Mar 2014 #24

K & R Those tweets are a sad commentary justhanginon Mar 2014 #26

Welcome to DU, justhanginon! calimary Mar 2014 #40

Thanks for the kind welcome. justhanginon Apr 2014 #215

But we're going backwards these days, dontchaknow. calimary Mar 2014 #50

rapecultureiswhen people deny, in the fact of evidence, that it exists, because to admit it would niyad Mar 2014 #28

Do you know which culture thinks Aerows Mar 2014 #29

"A culture that believes that if a girl drinks, she is "open season"? " IME, many Americans believe raccoon Mar 2014 #73

You are of course correct. redqueen Mar 2014 #112

K&R! blackspade Mar 2014 #30

Kick BainsBane Mar 2014 #42

K&R! hrmjustin Mar 2014 #44

I rarely agree with you zappaman Mar 2014 #47

Kick and rec. riqster Mar 2014 #52

Kick, kick, kick!!! Heidi Mar 2014 #53

So...what's your solution to this so-called "rape culture?" davidn3600 Mar 2014 #55

No one here is suggesting any such measures. (nt) Heidi Mar 2014 #58

It doesnt seem anyone is suggesting any measures at all davidn3600 Mar 2014 #62

This message was self-deleted by its author A-Schwarzenegger Mar 2014 #65

I don't alert posts unless they are overly vile...not my style davidn3600 Mar 2014 #66

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #67

This message was self-deleted by its author A-Schwarzenegger Mar 2014 #68

Increased surveillance in public areas shaayecanaan Mar 2014 #72

Rape vs murder is like apples to oranges. WCLinolVir Mar 2014 #105

different studies, 38-64% of college student males said they would rape if the KNEW they could seabeyond Mar 2014 #107

More like comparing green apples with red apples... shaayecanaan Mar 2014 #167

WTF?? Prefabricated? Projection maybe? WCLinolVir Mar 2014 #197

+1. nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #206

All rape is considered evil but not all rape is considered equally evil davidn3600 Mar 2014 #168

You seem to be talking to yourself. When has anyone else on this thread mentioned sentencing? nomorenomore08 Mar 2014 #186

I must have misunderstood what the other poster was getting at... davidn3600 Mar 2014 #187

Some people do have an overly narrow definition. Rape need not involve physical force. nomorenomore08 Mar 2014 #189

Well I go by what the end result is. WCLinolVir Mar 2014 #199

I'd discuss this with you, as I sincerely tried to once before, but I am pretty sure you will Squinch Mar 2014 #77

+1 redqueen Mar 2014 #114

Really, you are so dependable in your inanity. Squinch Mar 2014 #76

For starters, Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #80

Besides the fact that no sane person would suggest them, none of those would stop rape anyway. nomorenomore08 Mar 2014 #83

I love it when people post to self identify like this ... etherealtruth Mar 2014 #84

me too. Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2014 #93

Exactly etherealtruth Mar 2014 #95

Here's a starting point: mbperrin Mar 2014 #115

We could start by requiring all colleges to require a mandatory seminar on consent CrispyQ Mar 2014 #130

but that is focusing rape too much on the boys/men and hurts their feelers. nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #131

Not hurting anyone's feelings, it's just not going to reach men who are capable of such acts davidn3600 Mar 2014 #161

i have actually taken the time to explain it to you, in all respect, experience, and know. seabeyond Mar 2014 #166

Someone who thinks education is a waste of time is a waste of time. -nt CrispyQ Mar 2014 #212

This is a good start BainsBane Mar 2014 #140

That was an excellent article. CrispyQ Mar 2014 #162

"so-called "rape culture?"" NCTraveler Mar 2014 #198

There's been a lot of that posted here lately. redqueen Mar 2014 #201

Thank you. JackRiddler Mar 2014 #56

Kicked... Out of Time Man Mar 2014 #57

K&R Lunacee_2013 Mar 2014 #59

K&R DeSwiss Mar 2014 #63

thank you so much. I don't know what to say beyond that. cali Mar 2014 #64

K & R In_The_Wind Mar 2014 #70

If you want sex so much Shankapotomus Mar 2014 #71

wow. So, are you saying that you think rape is sex? are you being ironic? are you giving us another Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2014 #81

Well, you're right Shankapotomus Mar 2014 #87

No, Sorry. Rape is ALL about power and NOTHING about sex. Please, educate yourself. Thanks. Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2014 #92

Sorry Shankapotomus Mar 2014 #96

^ Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2014 #98

The back of my heels have road rash tea and oranges Mar 2014 #141

That you equate sex with the reproductive system is very telling. Peace. Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2014 #142

Meaning What? In the Context of Violence? nt tea and oranges Mar 2014 #144

for you, a song: Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2014 #145

Nothing to do with being horny. If it were, then rape would be even more common than it (sadly) is. nomorenomore08 Mar 2014 #85

I know Shankapotomus Mar 2014 #88

That is not, by and large, why people rape. Ms. Toad Mar 2014 #86

Yes Shankapotomus Mar 2014 #89

Thanks for your evolving views on this subject. redqueen Mar 2014 #124

Many here are so vocal and active Shankapotomus Mar 2014 #214

K&R n/t lupinella Mar 2014 #75

I am sick of people saying that there isnt a rape problem DiverDave Mar 2014 #82

+1. i have two boys also, and have had many conversation and they have a father that seabeyond Mar 2014 #90

Not hard to believe this was flagged by someone, who shall remain nameless. WCLinolVir Mar 2014 #94

You mean it was juried? Can you post the results? It won't show the names and is otten done. I only freshwest Mar 2014 #169

This message was self-deleted by its author A-Schwarzenegger Mar 2014 #173

Thank you very much. I'll read that. I missed the post by one voice. n/t freshwest Mar 2014 #174

Rape is caused by the conscious decision of a small percentage to commit a violent crime. Nye Bevan Mar 2014 #99

looking at what causes cancers, like smoking is a total waste of time, when addressing the killer seabeyond Mar 2014 #101

rape culture is why so many of those criminals go uncharged or escape conviction. KittyWampus Mar 2014 #102

But using terms like "white privilege" or "rape culture" helps put things in a larger social context nomorenomore08 Mar 2014 #104

Let me see if I understand you correctly... malthaussen Mar 2014 #108

Statistically speaking you are wrong. WCLinolVir Mar 2014 #109

Are you suggesting there is no white privilege in this country? mbperrin Mar 2014 #119

Yes, he is saying they do not exist. When they put it in quotes, it is exactly what they mean Ohio Joe Mar 2014 #200

And if there were a small amount of rapes, you might have a point... Hippo_Tron Mar 2014 #137

Thank you for this. CFLDem Mar 2014 #178

The analogy is imperfect, but... malthaussen Mar 2014 #100

Well said it fits many circumstances. n/t freshwest Mar 2014 #170

a women's photo with "Tape her and Rape her" doesn't "violate Facebook community standards"?? whathehell Mar 2014 #110

more. that photo does not seems to stop men in ther tracks to question their position that seabeyond Mar 2014 #111

The complete disregard for this and other feminist issues by facebook redqueen Mar 2014 #132

always interesting being school by a man with 20 posts how us women are melodramatic, should seabeyond Mar 2014 #125

"appreciate what we are allowed in this country compared to other countries" redqueen Mar 2014 #128

twinklin' in joy woman. always. damn, life is awesome as we make it. seabeyond Mar 2014 #129

Wow, I've seen women blamed for men voting republican before... redqueen Mar 2014 #133

sounds like it to me. am i wrong? seabeyond Mar 2014 #134

So, let's discuss it... cyberswede Mar 2014 #146

Thank you Redqueen. thucythucy Mar 2014 #135

K&R Solly Mack Mar 2014 #147

Yup. I think all rapists or would-be rapists belong behind bars. I don't know what their Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2014 #151

This post presents the case very well. Those who deny such a culture exists HERVEPA Mar 2014 #154

Not the only options ... brett_jv Mar 2014 #185

thank you, the alerter shld be taken to the woodshed and shipped off to MRA Island bettyellen Mar 2014 #157

Wondering if anyone in the Jury realized that they can Alert the Alerter or other Juror comments freshwest Mar 2014 #184

Excellent post. K&R Louisiana1976 Mar 2014 #160

Excellent examples. And regarding Noam Chomsky about the condition of many women in the world: freshwest Mar 2014 #175

excellent additions. you are absolutely right on. nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #176

Thanks. freshwest Mar 2014 #177

Thank you. redqueen Mar 2014 #180

While I understand the good intentions involved in raising the issue ... brett_jv Mar 2014 #179

'real problem' why do you have to qualify it in that manner/ to support your argument. how about seabeyond Mar 2014 #205

If you're really unable to ascertain how a 'campaign' like this could backfire ... brett_jv Mar 2014 #213

Rape culture = all men are potential rapists and all women are potential victims davidn3600 Mar 2014 #181

I bet if you tried, you could come up with a dumber post. jeff47 Mar 2014 #188

"If she says no, don't do it. If you've already started and she says no, you have to stop." nomorenomore08 Mar 2014 #190

Since when does a rapist care if a woman is screaming "no?" davidn3600 Mar 2014 #191

There are different kinds of rapists. jeff47 Mar 2014 #193

I was suggesting the alcohol is to blame for the rapist's behavior davidn3600 Mar 2014 #195

Which is an excuse, why? jeff47 Mar 2014 #196

Saying no, not screaming no. cyberswede Mar 2014 #194

hey david... make up a whole friggin story, however you choose, throw out to derail conversation seabeyond Mar 2014 #207

That the one sick rape joke stood on facebook Tsiyu Mar 2014 #183

Even people who agree with that vile shit don't think it's "funny." They just pretend to nomorenomore08 Mar 2014 #192

...when other men just assume that I want to have sex all the time... Deep13 Mar 2014 #202

ya deep. it has so aggressively become a caricature of all that a man is. it is sad. and it use seabeyond Mar 2014 #208

true. nt Deep13 Mar 2014 #210