General Discussion

thucythucy

(9,074 posts)

126. I guess I'm a little confused as well.

Sun Mar 30, 2014, 10:54 PM

Mar 2014

When I hear the phrase "playing hard to get" what I get is the mental image of someone who really is interested in sex, but pretends that she or he isn't. Hence "playing."

It seems to me that this can very easily get subsumed into a rapist's mindset, as in "she keeps saying no, but she's just 'playing hard to get.'" In other words, "Her 'no' really means 'yes'--I just have to keep at it."

You don't see how this might be a problem?

Really, I thought "playing hard to get" was pretty much old school. I mean, who pretends to not want sex, if they're with someone they like and they're horny? What's the point? Unless we're talking role playing, which is a whole other thing. But "playing hard to get?" No offense, but it just seems so 1950s.

Truly, no snark intended. I'm just puzzled.

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What does a world without rape culture look like? [View all] CFLDem Mar 2014 OP

well, when as you state a young mans libido is out of control, hence unable to control and the young seabeyond Mar 2014 #1

I don't know from 'dorks' Erich Bloodaxe BSN Mar 2014 #11

i think by promoting the male sexuality thru the penis being its own identity with a brain, lol is seabeyond Mar 2014 #18

Well, obviously, both genders should be getting an Erich Bloodaxe BSN Mar 2014 #36

hey dude.... seabeyond Mar 2014 #39

Heh. Erich Bloodaxe BSN Mar 2014 #42

that is my point. the story telling has to change. just your perspective seabeyond Mar 2014 #47

I'm pretty sure I never said mine had to be. Erich Bloodaxe BSN Mar 2014 #57

Or, lol, do not be so sensitive. I was not saying you personally seabeyond Mar 2014 #66

Rape is not about sex MissMillie Mar 2014 #143

+1 leftstreet Mar 2014 #146

+10 Cleita Mar 2014 #152

I'll go a bit further > what does a world without an accepted Culture of Violence look like? KittyWampus Mar 2014 #2

That is a pretty good extension. CFLDem Mar 2014 #4

That is what I believe as well. KittyWampus Mar 2014 #9

This get the red out Mar 2014 #151

and it hits me. your 'hard to get' no means yes??? fuckin for real? tell me with men being seabeyond Mar 2014 #3

Well Sea, CFLDem Mar 2014 #5

i want to know. when you say "hard to get" are you talking no means yes. simple enough. seabeyond Mar 2014 #7

No CFLDem Mar 2014 #12

the playing hard to get, no means yes is very common. especially with pua and mra seabeyond Mar 2014 #14

Sea CFLDem Mar 2014 #16

are you saying i slander you if i discuss pua and mra???? no. i will not take my statement that seabeyond Mar 2014 #17

You know exactly what you are doing. CFLDem Mar 2014 #19

yes. i did need clarification of the "playing hard to get". seabeyond Mar 2014 #22

to tuesday cause you self deleted. and i posted to you on your delete. seabeyond Mar 2014 #26

Yeah, good luck with all this. Stick a fork in me cause I am done. Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2014 #31

it sooo is. with you woman. i am off.... luvs you too. nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #34

This message was self-deleted by its author Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2014 #21

Query: What does "pua" mean? Prophet 451 Mar 2014 #68

Pick up artist... Google. Interesting group seabeyond Mar 2014 #70

Oh, *them* Prophet 451 Mar 2014 #72

"Pick Up Artist" I think. nt rrneck Mar 2014 #73

I guess I'm a little confused as well. thucythucy Mar 2014 #126

High school? Is that where you are? Scootaloo Mar 2014 #30

No the high school thing is part of Sea's slander campaign. CFLDem Mar 2014 #35

i asked. he said old enough to rent a car. what is that, 16 or 18. still highschool. nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #37

You have to be 21 to rent a car, unless you have a special arrangement snooper2 Mar 2014 #140

h. good and bad. consoling thinking highschool, boys that were responsible/respectful are dorks... seabeyond Mar 2014 #141

Like any number of aboriginal cultures prior to Western contact. Spider Jerusalem Mar 2014 #6

damn you are smart. i love a good brain. seabeyond Mar 2014 #8

Intriguing CFLDem Mar 2014 #10

Judeo-Christian culture views women as chattels. Spider Jerusalem Mar 2014 #15

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #29

look to current cultures that are matrileneal cally Mar 2014 #55

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #56

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #20

and then go over, over a couple decades of freedom and financial independence, women say no to seabeyond Mar 2014 #41

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #52

Just to clarify: are you stating it is the natural order for women to submit to men? antigone382 Mar 2014 #61

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #64

3-3 on your bullshit post. Should be an easy hide. Rw crap, garbage seabeyond Mar 2014 #75

This says it all about DU3 CFLDem Mar 2014 #82

Um, no. rrneck Mar 2014 #77

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #85

How does your reply square with the previous one? rrneck Mar 2014 #94

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #96

Men were designed to lead. rrneck Mar 2014 #100

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #103

. CreekDog Mar 2014 #78

Thank you creek. You are there.... Always. Appreciate. Nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #83

I say that we lose a few Tsiyu Mar 2014 #80

Natural order if mra or Eco psych fan, ya. And those two are about the same. Who were you? seabeyond Mar 2014 #62

I think that's unfair to EvoPsych Prophet 451 Mar 2014 #71

You really validated what I said. It is used by non religious to control, dominate women seabeyond Mar 2014 #74

Well, it's not my area Prophet 451 Mar 2014 #76

I am on my phone. I am not doing the linking. Scientists, biological scientists debunk ego psych. seabeyond Mar 2014 #79

I would agree with that Prophet 451 Mar 2014 #81

Ya. That. Phone, I can't do much. Nt seabeyond Mar 2014 #90

FYI Douglas Carpenter Mar 2014 #102

"I've never been kicked off"...yet cyberswede Mar 2014 #106

In parts of pre-Christian Europe and in some aboriginal cultures. Spider Jerusalem Mar 2014 #50

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #45

Or they're not so "extremely submissive" as you may imagine. Spider Jerusalem Mar 2014 #51

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #58

Nonsense. Spider Jerusalem Mar 2014 #60

My Lord, I hadn't considered that Prophet 451 Mar 2014 #69

Also the north eastern Native American tribes did not have rape as Squinch Mar 2014 #86

I'm skeptical. CFLDem Mar 2014 #93

It is from Squinch Mar 2014 #99

Sounds like an interesting chapter in history. CFLDem Mar 2014 #101

Astonishing. We were all taught "Plymouth Rock" and then immediately after that "Revolution." But Squinch Mar 2014 #105

And... Prophet 451 Mar 2014 #136

Can you imagine? It was the end of the world, for a whole culture full of people. Squinch Mar 2014 #147

Ah right Tux421 Mar 2014 #115

Welcome to DU. Enjoy your stay. It should help with those reading skills. Squinch Mar 2014 #116

Correct me if I'm wrong Tux421 Mar 2014 #117

I said north eastern tribes didn't. And then I gave my sources for that information. Squinch Mar 2014 #119

Oh come on Tux421 Mar 2014 #123

as offensive as your post is, juries won't hide it CreekDog Mar 2014 #124

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #127

what is your degree in? CreekDog Mar 2014 #128

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #130

i'm just wondering where you learned something as backwards as: CreekDog Mar 2014 #131

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #133

Just a guess but I imagine we won't be Squinch Mar 2014 #149

Tux has been tombstoned: previously banned. I was going to ask him who he used to be. Squinch Mar 2014 #155

You haven't read enough. And in your case, ignorance doesn't seem to be bliss, because, bro, Squinch Mar 2014 #142

Just a clarification Prophet 451 Mar 2014 #134

I am saying that, in the north eastern tribes, it simply wasn't used. There are scores Squinch Mar 2014 #144

It's convenient that all cultures idealized as exemplary of harmony and tranquility... lumberjack_jeff Mar 2014 #122

thanks Tux CreekDog Mar 2014 #129

Go back far enough and that's true of virtually every culture Prophet 451 Mar 2014 #135

A world without "rape culture" would be free of pedophiles! NoOneMan Mar 2014 #13

do you enjoy saying ridiculous things? bettyellen Mar 2014 #23

Did you miss today's circus? NoOneMan Mar 2014 #25

Yes, Why? Are you the head clown? bettyellen Mar 2014 #27

Basically, yes NoOneMan Mar 2014 #32

A bit of both, TBH Prophet 451 Mar 2014 #138

... lol ... Tuesday Afternoon Mar 2014 #33

Yes he does. That's his point. Sad, but true. Squinch Mar 2014 #87

Despite thousands of years trying to stop murders LittleBlue Mar 2014 #24

As noted above CFLDem Mar 2014 #28

I think it goes deeper than culture. Saw a nature show LittleBlue Mar 2014 #43

I suspect you are correct. nt CFLDem Mar 2014 #46

OMFG, is about all I can say... boston bean Mar 2014 #108

so... it is biology that makes men rape. damn... pathetic. not surprised. consistent seabeyond Mar 2014 #139

Men wouldn't use terms like "hard to get" in a world without rape culture BainsBane Mar 2014 #38

But then why do women play hard to get? CFLDem Mar 2014 #40

Are you talking about sex or dating? BainsBane Mar 2014 #44

Oh no I was talking about dating. CFLDem Mar 2014 #48

Cool BainsBane Mar 2014 #49

Well people do always want what they can't have. CFLDem Mar 2014 #53

You just answered your own question BainsBane Mar 2014 #54

I think the vast majority of men jamzrockz Mar 2014 #59

It's not just no-means-no. There's also the possibility that she doesn't yet know exactly what she enough Mar 2014 #65

"In fact, the idea that "men are only interested in one thing" is also part of rape culture." BainsBane Mar 2014 #67

playing "hard to get" boston bean Mar 2014 #63

Yes Boston Bean CFLDem Mar 2014 #84

And what does it have to do with rape culture? Ohio Joe Mar 2014 #88

That is one of the aspects here to discuss. CFLDem Mar 2014 #91

You brought it up... How do you fit it into rape culture? Ohio Joe Mar 2014 #95

How does it not fit into rape culture? CFLDem Mar 2014 #98

Asking a woman out more then one time is not a cornerstone of rape culture... Ohio Joe Mar 2014 #107

It is if she flat out rejects the initial advance. CFLDem Mar 2014 #109

And what? Playing hard to get is the encouragement? Women are making men go to far? Ohio Joe Mar 2014 #110

No CFLDem Mar 2014 #112

Again... Asking a woman out more then once has nothing to do with rape culture... Ohio Joe Mar 2014 #113

And yet I have clearly demonstrated that it does. CFLDem Mar 2014 #114

You brought it up, so you implied a connection. So spit it out already..... bettyellen Mar 2014 #97

This message was self-deleted by its author Adam051188 Mar 2014 #89

Such as? CFLDem Mar 2014 #92

Norman Lear had a sitcom with complete role reversal Beringia Mar 2014 #104

personal boundaries cannot, by definition be universal. they are not always the same for one person bettyellen Mar 2014 #111

wtf does "hard to get" have to do with rape. Starry Messenger Mar 2014 #118

Rape culture encompasses all aspects surrounding rape CFLDem Mar 2014 #120

They aren't suitors, they are rapists. Starry Messenger Mar 2014 #121

Finally someone gets it! CFLDem Mar 2014 #137

it has nothing to do with Niceguy1 Mar 2014 #154

I think part of sex ed should be a class on saying no, and understanding the word no Sarah Ibarruri Mar 2014 #125

And why do romance novels that women obsess over get a pass? davidn3600 Mar 2014 #132

Message auto-removed Name removed Mar 2014 #145

You're going to say, "What about Elizabeth Hasselback??!11??1" again, aren't you? Squinch Mar 2014 #150

"They do it too!" is not a valid defense. For anyone over the age of 6, at least. n/t nomorenomore08 Apr 2014 #156

A lot like what you'd get LadyHawkAZ Mar 2014 #148

This message was self-deleted by its author Skittles Mar 2014 #153