General Discussion

Godhumor

(6,437 posts) Tue Apr 15, 2014, 09:20 PM Apr 2014

Spanking children... acceptable or not as discipline? [View all]

Last edited Tue Apr 15, 2014, 10:01 PM - Edit history (1)

And to what degree?

My three year will occasionally get a small, light swat to the backside as reinforcement that he did something wrong, but I have never (and will never) go for the full blown over the knee spanking.

We generally discipline using time outs, which are working for the most part.

Edit: Keeping the top intact and not changing a thing, but I apparently failed miserably in what I said we do. There is a discipline theory that involves capturing young children attention along with clear explanations of what is wrong. The attention/reinforcement comes in the form of loud clapping, deep voices or physical touch. The touch is probably better described as a tap then a swat and is used along with a sentence like "No! We don't xxxx!"

298 replies

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Spanking children... acceptable or not as discipline? [View all] Godhumor Apr 2014 OP

This has the makings of a classic. flvegan Apr 2014 #1

Rats! You "beat" me to it!! Coventina Apr 2014 #4

It only "reinforces" flvegan Apr 2014 #6

I've been away for awhile. When was the last circumcision thread? Coventina Apr 2014 #8

Lately they've come up short. TheCowsCameHome Apr 2014 #17

I get lots of great tips in those threads... OriginalGeek Apr 2014 #73

But they have been cutting back lately. Separation Apr 2014 #83

They seem to have Aerows Apr 2014 #135

Flamebait - it could only be more if it asked about spanking circumsized, unvaccinated kids. n/t woodsprite Apr 2014 #226

Did smoking pitbulls Aerows Apr 2014 #240

over 200 posts at least nt arely staircase Apr 2014 #121

You called it!! Coventina Apr 2014 #219

You're sharing, right? LeftyMom Apr 2014 #19

pssttt... yuiyoshida Apr 2014 #289

no shit. I know how I am wasting time today arely staircase Apr 2014 #119

Not gollygee Apr 2014 #2

"Reinforcement." Brickbat Apr 2014 #3

Not. elleng Apr 2014 #5

Consenting adults, sure. Children, not so much. jberryhill Apr 2014 #7

And after the spanking, the oral sex VScott Apr 2014 #43

I wouldn't do it, but LittleBlue Apr 2014 #9

Is it okay to hit an adult? idendoit Apr 2014 #10

If time outs work abelenkpe Apr 2014 #11

An occasional swat to the bottom Chuuku Davis Apr 2014 #12

Maybe if you spank your daughter she'll get better about her finances. Brickbat Apr 2014 #14

I assume you hit the adult who endangered the children by failing to childproof LeftyMom Apr 2014 #16

No Chuuku Davis Apr 2014 #23

You're lucky his finger wasn't broken, and you shouldn't be so negligent. LeftyMom Apr 2014 #28

You forgot the sarcasm tag joeglow3 Apr 2014 #56

Pain AnalystInParadise Apr 2014 #79

Been an ER doc 22 yrs now Chuuku Davis Apr 2014 #107

Even tender little baby fingers??? nt Walk away Apr 2014 #251

Sure, its an easy and effective way for an adult to force a child into submission. cleanhippie Apr 2014 #270

Spanking employees... acceptable or not as discipline? Brickbat Apr 2014 #13

Necessary. How else will your secretary learn ? Demo_Chris Apr 2014 #27

That was a great movie. Coventina Apr 2014 #31

Incredible acting from everyone. nt Demo_Chris Apr 2014 #34

That's the only spanking I approve of. newcriminal Apr 2014 #37

. Brickbat Apr 2014 #39

Spanking didn't work for me as a child, and it never works on other children. Vashta Nerada Apr 2014 #15

My mother used to whip our butts with a paddle. notadmblnd Apr 2014 #21

Sis, is that you? cyberswede Apr 2014 #65

Oh my sister Jo was usually the leader of us getting in trouble notadmblnd Apr 2014 #102

We used to pipi_k Apr 2014 #115

My Mom too! Wow this was before the internet, how did they all know to use those paddles? Fla Dem Apr 2014 #235

Worked VERY WELL on me AnalystInParadise Apr 2014 #80

Your dad sounds like an abusive jerk. Vashta Nerada Apr 2014 #130

I wonder if your children will someday agree. Walk away Apr 2014 #252

Ditto. laundry_queen Apr 2014 #84

What a silly statement... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #114

I refuse to respect people who hit other people. Vashta Nerada Apr 2014 #129

Neato for you... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #132

Corporal punishment sure works for criminals. Vashta Nerada Apr 2014 #133

Remember that hyperbole bit? Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #138

It works if... pipi_k Apr 2014 #216

It is really hard to get over the fear of making someone else mad Bettie Apr 2014 #248

And here's where... pipi_k Apr 2014 #249

We all make mistakes and have regrets Bettie Apr 2014 #262

Awwww.... pipi_k Apr 2014 #265

You're assuming the fact that kids turn out OK after being hit RedCappedBandit Apr 2014 #198

Uh huh... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #203

That is in no way relevant to my statement, RedCappedBandit Apr 2014 #205

The point... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #209

Define 'fine' laundry_queen Apr 2014 #223

If that is what fine means to you... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #227

That's what I'm saying YOU think it is laundry_queen Apr 2014 #231

Why would I have to own... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #238

I see you are having issues understanding the connection. laundry_queen Apr 2014 #239

It's nothing personal... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #242

Saying it WORKS is asinine. cleanhippie Apr 2014 #271

Some people get bitten by cottonmouths and die eridani Apr 2014 #280

I'm against spanking, but attempting to reason with a child that age treestar Apr 2014 #272

Please don't hit your three year old child. (nt) Nye Bevan Apr 2014 #18

I don't. I tried to convey, and apparently failed, the idea of attention getting Godhumor Apr 2014 #24

Do you hit your co-workers to get their attention? Brickbat Apr 2014 #41

I don't have sex with my coworkers joeglow3 Apr 2014 #57

I have sex with my coworker. As often as I can. newcriminal Apr 2014 #64

If I were raising my coworkers RandoLoodie Apr 2014 #165

A suggestion... pipi_k Apr 2014 #117

I never found it necessary to strike my child notadmblnd Apr 2014 #20

My father used to beat the shit out of my brothers. MohRokTah Apr 2014 #22

Acceptable and efficient. That said, my daughter only got a spanking twoce that I recall... Demo_Chris Apr 2014 #25

Post removed Post removed Apr 2014 #253

A light swat--maybe. . . BigDemVoter Apr 2014 #26

anti-spanking Liberal_in_LA Apr 2014 #29

It's not the ideal. But, I don't think it is necessarily some grave evil. Some children it probably Douglas Carpenter Apr 2014 #30

I have 5 wonderful, intelligent children. newcriminal Apr 2014 #32

I graduated from Princeton and have a law degree theboss Apr 2014 #291

Well you obviously haven't grown mentally since about 12 or 13. newcriminal Apr 2014 #297

I got swats when I would not listen Curmudgeoness Apr 2014 #33

"Spanking children...?" handmade34 Apr 2014 #35

If it's acceptable then why not call it "hitting"? "Swat", "spank", "tap" are euphemisms to make Happyhippychick Apr 2014 #36

Well said. Brickbat Apr 2014 #42

Yep kcr Apr 2014 #59

Nope Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #101

I find it even more disingenuous to call it a tap kcr Apr 2014 #111

I guess, your interpretation otf "tap" Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #124

Uh huh. Right. kcr Apr 2014 #160

If the goal is to get their attention to keep them from running into the streat Ms. Toad Apr 2014 #112

Depends, who are the children spanking? eom yawnmaster Apr 2014 #38

Never in anger - that's the one rule I made for my kids and my wife bhikkhu Apr 2014 #40

Addressing the edit: Brickbat Apr 2014 #44

We don't spank. Ever. Bettie Apr 2014 #45

And, THERE, is the ultimate answer to this question....... Glitterati Apr 2014 #50

Pretty similar here OriginalGeek Apr 2014 #75

It is widely agreed that any spanking is no longer acceptable. morningfog Apr 2014 #46

The edit sounds like bad dog training advice, not parenting. LeftyMom Apr 2014 #47

most popular right now is something called the clap-growl Godhumor Apr 2014 #49

You know what does work really well? Before there's a problem tell the kid what you do want. LeftyMom Apr 2014 #52

thank you handmade34 Apr 2014 #67

Consistency is so important. LeftyMom Apr 2014 #68

You know what worked with my child? notadmblnd Apr 2014 #241

I burn effigies of them instead jberryhill Apr 2014 #61

You're getting alot of grief wercal Apr 2014 #48

What's wrong with holding a small child's hand in a parking lot? LeftyMom Apr 2014 #51

So I take it you've never seen the scenario I just described. wercal Apr 2014 #72

I guess you missed the clue in my screen name, but I'm a parent. I know how to get a kid through a LeftyMom Apr 2014 #74

Sigh wercal Apr 2014 #110

Being hit is less upsetting than frantic screaming? kcr Apr 2014 #69

+1 nt laundry_queen Apr 2014 #86

Spanking children is child abuse. Jasana Apr 2014 #53

While I don't believe in spanking, I think you're way off with the sexual abuse. newcriminal Apr 2014 #63

Spanking is sexualized behavior. It wouldn't be in porn mags if it wasn't. Jasana Apr 2014 #234

You said spanking is sexual abuse. It isn't. newcriminal Apr 2014 #236

No, I realized "You" weren't a spanking advocate. The second half of my post could have been worded Jasana Apr 2014 #245

LOL AnalystInParadise Apr 2014 #81

It's not "LOL" and it is child abuse. morningfog Apr 2014 #90

+1 million darkangel218 Apr 2014 #95

That is your opinion AnalystInParadise Apr 2014 #278

It is a fact and you are wrong. Very wrong. morningfog Apr 2014 #284

Creative and interesting allegations... nt LanternWaste Apr 2014 #175

What about the children whom spanking has not made into better adults? Jasana Apr 2014 #232

Then it wasn't done AnalystInParadise Apr 2014 #279

It's preferable to draw and quartering them, in my opinion. Kablooie Apr 2014 #54

The thought of "spanking" my children truly and honestly never once entered my mind. cheapdate Apr 2014 #55

With some children, yes. Some children, no. BlueCaliDem Apr 2014 #58

..... AverageJoe90 Apr 2014 #62

Here's my view, which I would like to think is practical..... AverageJoe90 Apr 2014 #60

Isn't positive reinforcement generally considered more effective than negative reinforcement? eom tarheelsunc Apr 2014 #66

Here's a lollipop Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #106

There's something to be said for fear. PeteSelman Apr 2014 #70

I hated getting hit. bravenak Apr 2014 #71

Apropriate in some instances, but only to a certain point. Skip Intro Apr 2014 #76

Well, you don't have kids, and you are wrong. morningfog Apr 2014 #91

Restraining a child Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #125

I've never had a need to "restrain" a child, other than in a car seat. morningfog Apr 2014 #212

I know that Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #215

Slap on the wrist. Followed by positive reinforcement. cherokeeprogressive Apr 2014 #77

Society has progressed beyond that form of punishment. egduj Apr 2014 #78

Not a fan of it myself BlindTiresias Apr 2014 #82

Spanking teaches children that it's okay SheilaT Apr 2014 #85

I'm sorry, but the workplace analogy simply makes no sense Orrex Apr 2014 #113

If you are responsible for giving Sheila in HR her bath, it is possible SheilaT Apr 2014 #162

Even so, the workplace analogy makes no sense. Orrex Apr 2014 #164

I don't consider it good parenting, and it's not something we do. Warren DeMontague Apr 2014 #87

I prefer not to, but I won't make a big deal of others doing it within reason nt Ex Lurker Apr 2014 #88

Violence is never the answer. darkangel218 Apr 2014 #89

In what state do you say it is illegal? newcriminal Apr 2014 #98

Its not illegal here Go Vols Apr 2014 #122

It's not illegal anywhere. newcriminal Apr 2014 #126

No. Earth_First Apr 2014 #92

I gave my children names so that I could capture their attention. ScreamingMeemie Apr 2014 #93

Jesus Christ, Le Taz Hot Apr 2014 #145

It's OK because... pipi_k Apr 2014 #217

It amazes me that anyone finds that analogy credible Orrex Apr 2014 #220

PERFECT response. nt RedCappedBandit Apr 2014 #199

Hahahah!!! pipi_k Apr 2014 #218

I remember getting spanked in school. My 6th grade teacher had B Calm Apr 2014 #94

my 7th grade texas history teacher had a similar hole drilled paddle. arely staircase Apr 2014 #206

Why spank Shankapotomus Apr 2014 #96

IME, spanking is almost always more about the parent being pissed off than about whatever the kid raccoon Apr 2014 #97

We're done with woo? Iggo Apr 2014 #99

Spanking is worse than a wedge. Orrex Apr 2014 #105

Spanking is wrong and I'll mention Kohlberg's stages of moral development FSogol Apr 2014 #100

Wow--most Republicans never make it past stage 2. Orrex Apr 2014 #104

True. n/t FSogol Apr 2014 #108

I dangle them over a pit of cobras instead Orrex Apr 2014 #103

You should ask the question again in 20 years or so Orrex Apr 2014 #109

Acceptable up to a point... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #116

If you feel you must hit a child to "discipline" him/her. Le Taz Hot Apr 2014 #118

A bit judgemental, I'd say Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #127

No, I was raised by a parent who "spanked." Le Taz Hot Apr 2014 #141

Yeah, that's the part pipi_k Apr 2014 #224

lol - you are such a kind person as evidenced TBF Apr 2014 #144

Funny, I was just giving back in kind Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #150

You are judging by making TBF Apr 2014 #151

I think that the poster I responded to me was being Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #155

No. You were not responding to TBF Apr 2014 #161

Um. So did you. Orrex Apr 2014 #167

She said she was responding TBF Apr 2014 #169

LOL. You're a riot. Orrex Apr 2014 #170

So are you - TBF Apr 2014 #171

I do find it interesting that people are so quick to judge, yes Orrex Apr 2014 #172

Let's make it simpler - TBF Apr 2014 #192

I'm sure that the precise reason varies by jurisdiction Orrex Apr 2014 #194

I guess if we say it's a different relationship - TBF Apr 2014 #195

In practice, the moral justification may be subordinate to legal and practical considerations Orrex Apr 2014 #196

Yes - I think you've nailed the crux of it - TBF Apr 2014 #204

It 's always risky to cite "X number of nations are doing it" Orrex Apr 2014 #207

The majority isn't always correct - TBF Apr 2014 #210

You're certainly correct about that Orrex Apr 2014 #211

Awesome response! LordGlenconner Apr 2014 #281

Questions... pipi_k Apr 2014 #120

Physical swats Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #128

Since the topic pipi_k Apr 2014 #184

Seems to me most parents stop spanking when their kid can hit back. ForgoTheConsequence Apr 2014 #179

Not. At all, even a 'light swat'. nt redqueen Apr 2014 #123

So lets say a child is a biter philosslayer Apr 2014 #131

My daughter was a biter Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #137

Thank you philosslayer Apr 2014 #140

No it sounds like a decent way to deal with it. redqueen Apr 2014 #154

You immediately get down to eye-level with the child, take them gently but firmly by the shoulders, redqueen Apr 2014 #143

So, one of your children was a biter? Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #147

It should take less than a minute to get their attention. redqueen Apr 2014 #156

I see you were very offended by those questions Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #176

Uhh... I take it none of your kids were biters philosslayer Apr 2014 #148

We had many isolated incidents, and of course biting was one. redqueen Apr 2014 #152

At what age? Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #153

I didn't "have them observe". WTF is your problem? redqueen Apr 2014 #157

Why the hostility? philosslayer Apr 2014 #158

And some parents call their teething children "biters" redqueen Apr 2014 #159

My son walked up to a girl and bit her on the face philosslayer Apr 2014 #166

Sounds like it may have been. ForgoTheConsequence Apr 2014 #180

Ahhh.... philosslayer Apr 2014 #183

I know this is trite, but Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #188

I am assuming that I'm that person Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #178

Amazing, isn't? philosslayer Apr 2014 #185

You should probably talk to him about his biting, then Orrex Apr 2014 #189

One of pipi_k Apr 2014 #221

I would have to be convinced that violence and humiliation count as training. n/t Orsino Apr 2014 #134

In 37 countries all corporal punishment is illegal - TBF Apr 2014 #136

The Albanian law includes Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #139

hitting children is a sign that you are frustrated, and really nothing to do with La Lioness Priyanka Apr 2014 #142

Hitting an adult is battery - TBF Apr 2014 #146

It depends on the kid. CFLDem Apr 2014 #149

And hence, the sins of the fathers are the sins of the sons... LanternWaste Apr 2014 #177

Big difference between spanking and a swat. An occasional swat on the bum to get their attention OregonBlue Apr 2014 #163

My rule was "Spank only for behaviors that would injure them". Xithras Apr 2014 #168

According to some here Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #174

hitting and "serious adult voices" are the only two options? LanternWaste Apr 2014 #190

What would you suggest Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #201

Seems to me that... pipi_k Apr 2014 #225

Again, I raised four children Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #228

Well come on... pipi_k Apr 2014 #230

Could have been averted by being proactive. ForgoTheConsequence Apr 2014 #181

He unplugged a lamp Xithras Apr 2014 #182

You should have removed all of your outlets and hung your lamps from the ceiling. Duh! Orrex Apr 2014 #186

That's why they make these. ForgoTheConsequence Apr 2014 #187

You could. Or you could just teach the kid not to play with them. Xithras Apr 2014 #191

Funny all the adults who weren't spanked who never figured out they shouldn't play with them kcr Apr 2014 #202

You can teach them that without hitting them. morningfog Apr 2014 #213

Communication and patience are the key to disciplining a child. LanternWaste Apr 2014 #173

Apparently marions ghost Apr 2014 #193

Violence towards children is not ok. RedCappedBandit Apr 2014 #197

It does. redqueen Apr 2014 #200

Spanking children is a brilliant idea Matariki Apr 2014 #208

Reading through this thread, those who raised their children 3 or 4 or more decades ago, I can morningfog Apr 2014 #214

Worked for me. nt oldhippie Apr 2014 #222

Also, as I'm thinking of how pipi_k Apr 2014 #229

Message auto-removed Name removed Apr 2014 #233

I'm okay with spanking AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #237

You support assault and battery of a minor, then. morningfog Apr 2014 #243

No, I support spanking in some cases of children. AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #246

Which is assault and battery. Do you support hitting adults against their will? morningfog Apr 2014 #257

I support mild corporal punishment in place of jail sentences as well, so yes. AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #259

I don't believe you actually believe that. morningfog Apr 2014 #261

Believe I actually believe that AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #263

You still haven't explained what you mean. morningfog Apr 2014 #275

Well, smacks with a wooden stick on the back and arms for lesser crimes AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #276

"...and such?" What the fuck does that even mean. morningfog Apr 2014 #285

And I'm done with your rudeness :P AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #288

States that use the model criminal code treestar Apr 2014 #273

Many people do pipi_k Apr 2014 #244

My parents spanked me for example AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #247

And as I said... pipi_k Apr 2014 #250

Yet I received it and am for it AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #256

Hmmm...I wonder what pipi_k Apr 2014 #266

Any analogy likening a dependent child to an independent adult is faulty Orrex Apr 2014 #267

Actually, that's not pipi_k Apr 2014 #292

Well, you're completely correct in that regard. Orrex Apr 2014 #294

I'm glad pipi_k Apr 2014 #296

When have I advocated for abuse of any kind? Spanking is abuse? AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #269

Off the track pipi_k Apr 2014 #293

You said ""I received spousal abuse and am for it"" implying what I am advocating for AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #298

Wow, wtf? Welcome to the 21st century. morningfog Apr 2014 #258

Just my view on the subject AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #260

I'm 59 years old. I was spanked and so were all of my contemporaries. pink-o Apr 2014 #254

Just like hitting a dog, spanking children is for people too stupid... Walk away Apr 2014 #255

+1 excellent post. nt laundry_queen Apr 2014 #264

IMO, we have failed as parents if we need to use violence and anger to teach a lesson. cleanhippie Apr 2014 #268

Spanking is Jamaal510 Apr 2014 #274

No, it is not acceptable to hit others. Wish we went the way of Switzerland & spanking was a crime. Sunlei Apr 2014 #277

My sister and I SevenSixtyTwo Apr 2014 #282

my idea of acceptable discipline is making my kids listen to King Crimson's "Discipline" Warren DeMontague Apr 2014 #283

Three rules for raising kids. McCamy Taylor Apr 2014 #286

Three simple rules, pipi_k Apr 2014 #295

Yes n/t bobGandolf Apr 2014 #287

video yuiyoshida Apr 2014 #290