General Discussion

redqueen

(115,186 posts)

156. It should take less than a minute to get their attention.

Wed Apr 16, 2014, 12:31 PM

Apr 2014

Of course you can't physically force them to look at you. Turning their shoulders toward you at first is a way of communicating the seriousness of the situation, not a way to correct other deficient parenting methods.

Refusal to listen and pay attention is a serious issue in itself, and if that isn't resolved then there are far bigger problems in the relationship than the isolated behavior you're attempting to correct.

If a child refuses to listen to you on a consistent basis that requires a lot more time and energy than addressing an incident like biting.

As for your other questions ("How tightly do you hold on to them? How close do you put your face to theirs when you are 'explaining' in your 'adult' tone?&quot I'm sickened you would even ask. Parents who need that explained to them have no fucking business even working with children let alone having their own.

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Spanking children... acceptable or not as discipline? [View all] Godhumor Apr 2014 OP

This has the makings of a classic. flvegan Apr 2014 #1

Rats! You "beat" me to it!! Coventina Apr 2014 #4

It only "reinforces" flvegan Apr 2014 #6

I've been away for awhile. When was the last circumcision thread? Coventina Apr 2014 #8

Lately they've come up short. TheCowsCameHome Apr 2014 #17

I get lots of great tips in those threads... OriginalGeek Apr 2014 #73

But they have been cutting back lately. Separation Apr 2014 #83

They seem to have Aerows Apr 2014 #135

Flamebait - it could only be more if it asked about spanking circumsized, unvaccinated kids. n/t woodsprite Apr 2014 #226

Did smoking pitbulls Aerows Apr 2014 #240

over 200 posts at least nt arely staircase Apr 2014 #121

You called it!! Coventina Apr 2014 #219

You're sharing, right? LeftyMom Apr 2014 #19

pssttt... yuiyoshida Apr 2014 #289

no shit. I know how I am wasting time today arely staircase Apr 2014 #119

Not gollygee Apr 2014 #2

"Reinforcement." Brickbat Apr 2014 #3

Not. elleng Apr 2014 #5

Consenting adults, sure. Children, not so much. jberryhill Apr 2014 #7

And after the spanking, the oral sex VScott Apr 2014 #43

I wouldn't do it, but LittleBlue Apr 2014 #9

Is it okay to hit an adult? idendoit Apr 2014 #10

If time outs work abelenkpe Apr 2014 #11

An occasional swat to the bottom Chuuku Davis Apr 2014 #12

Maybe if you spank your daughter she'll get better about her finances. Brickbat Apr 2014 #14

I assume you hit the adult who endangered the children by failing to childproof LeftyMom Apr 2014 #16

No Chuuku Davis Apr 2014 #23

You're lucky his finger wasn't broken, and you shouldn't be so negligent. LeftyMom Apr 2014 #28

You forgot the sarcasm tag joeglow3 Apr 2014 #56

Pain AnalystInParadise Apr 2014 #79

Been an ER doc 22 yrs now Chuuku Davis Apr 2014 #107

Even tender little baby fingers??? nt Walk away Apr 2014 #251

Sure, its an easy and effective way for an adult to force a child into submission. cleanhippie Apr 2014 #270

Spanking employees... acceptable or not as discipline? Brickbat Apr 2014 #13

Necessary. How else will your secretary learn ? Demo_Chris Apr 2014 #27

That was a great movie. Coventina Apr 2014 #31

Incredible acting from everyone. nt Demo_Chris Apr 2014 #34

That's the only spanking I approve of. newcriminal Apr 2014 #37

. Brickbat Apr 2014 #39

Spanking didn't work for me as a child, and it never works on other children. Vashta Nerada Apr 2014 #15

My mother used to whip our butts with a paddle. notadmblnd Apr 2014 #21

Sis, is that you? cyberswede Apr 2014 #65

Oh my sister Jo was usually the leader of us getting in trouble notadmblnd Apr 2014 #102

We used to pipi_k Apr 2014 #115

My Mom too! Wow this was before the internet, how did they all know to use those paddles? Fla Dem Apr 2014 #235

Worked VERY WELL on me AnalystInParadise Apr 2014 #80

Your dad sounds like an abusive jerk. Vashta Nerada Apr 2014 #130

I wonder if your children will someday agree. Walk away Apr 2014 #252

Ditto. laundry_queen Apr 2014 #84

What a silly statement... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #114

I refuse to respect people who hit other people. Vashta Nerada Apr 2014 #129

Neato for you... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #132

Corporal punishment sure works for criminals. Vashta Nerada Apr 2014 #133

Remember that hyperbole bit? Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #138

It works if... pipi_k Apr 2014 #216

It is really hard to get over the fear of making someone else mad Bettie Apr 2014 #248

And here's where... pipi_k Apr 2014 #249

We all make mistakes and have regrets Bettie Apr 2014 #262

Awwww.... pipi_k Apr 2014 #265

You're assuming the fact that kids turn out OK after being hit RedCappedBandit Apr 2014 #198

Uh huh... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #203

That is in no way relevant to my statement, RedCappedBandit Apr 2014 #205

The point... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #209

Define 'fine' laundry_queen Apr 2014 #223

If that is what fine means to you... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #227

That's what I'm saying YOU think it is laundry_queen Apr 2014 #231

Why would I have to own... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #238

I see you are having issues understanding the connection. laundry_queen Apr 2014 #239

It's nothing personal... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #242

Saying it WORKS is asinine. cleanhippie Apr 2014 #271

Some people get bitten by cottonmouths and die eridani Apr 2014 #280

I'm against spanking, but attempting to reason with a child that age treestar Apr 2014 #272

Please don't hit your three year old child. (nt) Nye Bevan Apr 2014 #18

I don't. I tried to convey, and apparently failed, the idea of attention getting Godhumor Apr 2014 #24

Do you hit your co-workers to get their attention? Brickbat Apr 2014 #41

I don't have sex with my coworkers joeglow3 Apr 2014 #57

I have sex with my coworker. As often as I can. newcriminal Apr 2014 #64

If I were raising my coworkers RandoLoodie Apr 2014 #165

A suggestion... pipi_k Apr 2014 #117

I never found it necessary to strike my child notadmblnd Apr 2014 #20

My father used to beat the shit out of my brothers. MohRokTah Apr 2014 #22

Acceptable and efficient. That said, my daughter only got a spanking twoce that I recall... Demo_Chris Apr 2014 #25

Post removed Post removed Apr 2014 #253

A light swat--maybe. . . BigDemVoter Apr 2014 #26

anti-spanking Liberal_in_LA Apr 2014 #29

It's not the ideal. But, I don't think it is necessarily some grave evil. Some children it probably Douglas Carpenter Apr 2014 #30

I have 5 wonderful, intelligent children. newcriminal Apr 2014 #32

I graduated from Princeton and have a law degree theboss Apr 2014 #291

Well you obviously haven't grown mentally since about 12 or 13. newcriminal Apr 2014 #297

I got swats when I would not listen Curmudgeoness Apr 2014 #33

"Spanking children...?" handmade34 Apr 2014 #35

If it's acceptable then why not call it "hitting"? "Swat", "spank", "tap" are euphemisms to make Happyhippychick Apr 2014 #36

Well said. Brickbat Apr 2014 #42

Yep kcr Apr 2014 #59

Nope Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #101

I find it even more disingenuous to call it a tap kcr Apr 2014 #111

I guess, your interpretation otf "tap" Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #124

Uh huh. Right. kcr Apr 2014 #160

If the goal is to get their attention to keep them from running into the streat Ms. Toad Apr 2014 #112

Depends, who are the children spanking? eom yawnmaster Apr 2014 #38

Never in anger - that's the one rule I made for my kids and my wife bhikkhu Apr 2014 #40

Addressing the edit: Brickbat Apr 2014 #44

We don't spank. Ever. Bettie Apr 2014 #45

And, THERE, is the ultimate answer to this question....... Glitterati Apr 2014 #50

Pretty similar here OriginalGeek Apr 2014 #75

It is widely agreed that any spanking is no longer acceptable. morningfog Apr 2014 #46

The edit sounds like bad dog training advice, not parenting. LeftyMom Apr 2014 #47

most popular right now is something called the clap-growl Godhumor Apr 2014 #49

You know what does work really well? Before there's a problem tell the kid what you do want. LeftyMom Apr 2014 #52

thank you handmade34 Apr 2014 #67

Consistency is so important. LeftyMom Apr 2014 #68

You know what worked with my child? notadmblnd Apr 2014 #241

I burn effigies of them instead jberryhill Apr 2014 #61

You're getting alot of grief wercal Apr 2014 #48

What's wrong with holding a small child's hand in a parking lot? LeftyMom Apr 2014 #51

So I take it you've never seen the scenario I just described. wercal Apr 2014 #72

I guess you missed the clue in my screen name, but I'm a parent. I know how to get a kid through a LeftyMom Apr 2014 #74

Sigh wercal Apr 2014 #110

Being hit is less upsetting than frantic screaming? kcr Apr 2014 #69

+1 nt laundry_queen Apr 2014 #86

Spanking children is child abuse. Jasana Apr 2014 #53

While I don't believe in spanking, I think you're way off with the sexual abuse. newcriminal Apr 2014 #63

Spanking is sexualized behavior. It wouldn't be in porn mags if it wasn't. Jasana Apr 2014 #234

You said spanking is sexual abuse. It isn't. newcriminal Apr 2014 #236

No, I realized "You" weren't a spanking advocate. The second half of my post could have been worded Jasana Apr 2014 #245

LOL AnalystInParadise Apr 2014 #81

It's not "LOL" and it is child abuse. morningfog Apr 2014 #90

+1 million darkangel218 Apr 2014 #95

That is your opinion AnalystInParadise Apr 2014 #278

It is a fact and you are wrong. Very wrong. morningfog Apr 2014 #284

Creative and interesting allegations... nt LanternWaste Apr 2014 #175

What about the children whom spanking has not made into better adults? Jasana Apr 2014 #232

Then it wasn't done AnalystInParadise Apr 2014 #279

It's preferable to draw and quartering them, in my opinion. Kablooie Apr 2014 #54

The thought of "spanking" my children truly and honestly never once entered my mind. cheapdate Apr 2014 #55

With some children, yes. Some children, no. BlueCaliDem Apr 2014 #58

..... AverageJoe90 Apr 2014 #62

Here's my view, which I would like to think is practical..... AverageJoe90 Apr 2014 #60

Isn't positive reinforcement generally considered more effective than negative reinforcement? eom tarheelsunc Apr 2014 #66

Here's a lollipop Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #106

There's something to be said for fear. PeteSelman Apr 2014 #70

I hated getting hit. bravenak Apr 2014 #71

Apropriate in some instances, but only to a certain point. Skip Intro Apr 2014 #76

Well, you don't have kids, and you are wrong. morningfog Apr 2014 #91

Restraining a child Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #125

I've never had a need to "restrain" a child, other than in a car seat. morningfog Apr 2014 #212

I know that Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #215

Slap on the wrist. Followed by positive reinforcement. cherokeeprogressive Apr 2014 #77

Society has progressed beyond that form of punishment. egduj Apr 2014 #78

Not a fan of it myself BlindTiresias Apr 2014 #82

Spanking teaches children that it's okay SheilaT Apr 2014 #85

I'm sorry, but the workplace analogy simply makes no sense Orrex Apr 2014 #113

If you are responsible for giving Sheila in HR her bath, it is possible SheilaT Apr 2014 #162

Even so, the workplace analogy makes no sense. Orrex Apr 2014 #164

I don't consider it good parenting, and it's not something we do. Warren DeMontague Apr 2014 #87

I prefer not to, but I won't make a big deal of others doing it within reason nt Ex Lurker Apr 2014 #88

Violence is never the answer. darkangel218 Apr 2014 #89

In what state do you say it is illegal? newcriminal Apr 2014 #98

Its not illegal here Go Vols Apr 2014 #122

It's not illegal anywhere. newcriminal Apr 2014 #126

No. Earth_First Apr 2014 #92

I gave my children names so that I could capture their attention. ScreamingMeemie Apr 2014 #93

Jesus Christ, Le Taz Hot Apr 2014 #145

It's OK because... pipi_k Apr 2014 #217

It amazes me that anyone finds that analogy credible Orrex Apr 2014 #220

PERFECT response. nt RedCappedBandit Apr 2014 #199

Hahahah!!! pipi_k Apr 2014 #218

I remember getting spanked in school. My 6th grade teacher had B Calm Apr 2014 #94

my 7th grade texas history teacher had a similar hole drilled paddle. arely staircase Apr 2014 #206

Why spank Shankapotomus Apr 2014 #96

IME, spanking is almost always more about the parent being pissed off than about whatever the kid raccoon Apr 2014 #97

We're done with woo? Iggo Apr 2014 #99

Spanking is worse than a wedge. Orrex Apr 2014 #105

Spanking is wrong and I'll mention Kohlberg's stages of moral development FSogol Apr 2014 #100

Wow--most Republicans never make it past stage 2. Orrex Apr 2014 #104

True. n/t FSogol Apr 2014 #108

I dangle them over a pit of cobras instead Orrex Apr 2014 #103

You should ask the question again in 20 years or so Orrex Apr 2014 #109

Acceptable up to a point... Hip_Flask Apr 2014 #116

If you feel you must hit a child to "discipline" him/her. Le Taz Hot Apr 2014 #118

A bit judgemental, I'd say Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #127

No, I was raised by a parent who "spanked." Le Taz Hot Apr 2014 #141

Yeah, that's the part pipi_k Apr 2014 #224

lol - you are such a kind person as evidenced TBF Apr 2014 #144

Funny, I was just giving back in kind Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #150

You are judging by making TBF Apr 2014 #151

I think that the poster I responded to me was being Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #155

No. You were not responding to TBF Apr 2014 #161

Um. So did you. Orrex Apr 2014 #167

She said she was responding TBF Apr 2014 #169

LOL. You're a riot. Orrex Apr 2014 #170

So are you - TBF Apr 2014 #171

I do find it interesting that people are so quick to judge, yes Orrex Apr 2014 #172

Let's make it simpler - TBF Apr 2014 #192

I'm sure that the precise reason varies by jurisdiction Orrex Apr 2014 #194

I guess if we say it's a different relationship - TBF Apr 2014 #195

In practice, the moral justification may be subordinate to legal and practical considerations Orrex Apr 2014 #196

Yes - I think you've nailed the crux of it - TBF Apr 2014 #204

It 's always risky to cite "X number of nations are doing it" Orrex Apr 2014 #207

The majority isn't always correct - TBF Apr 2014 #210

You're certainly correct about that Orrex Apr 2014 #211

Awesome response! LordGlenconner Apr 2014 #281

Questions... pipi_k Apr 2014 #120

Physical swats Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #128

Since the topic pipi_k Apr 2014 #184

Seems to me most parents stop spanking when their kid can hit back. ForgoTheConsequence Apr 2014 #179

Not. At all, even a 'light swat'. nt redqueen Apr 2014 #123

So lets say a child is a biter philosslayer Apr 2014 #131

My daughter was a biter Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #137

Thank you philosslayer Apr 2014 #140

No it sounds like a decent way to deal with it. redqueen Apr 2014 #154

You immediately get down to eye-level with the child, take them gently but firmly by the shoulders, redqueen Apr 2014 #143

So, one of your children was a biter? Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #147

It should take less than a minute to get their attention. redqueen Apr 2014 #156

I see you were very offended by those questions Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #176

Uhh... I take it none of your kids were biters philosslayer Apr 2014 #148

We had many isolated incidents, and of course biting was one. redqueen Apr 2014 #152

At what age? Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #153

I didn't "have them observe". WTF is your problem? redqueen Apr 2014 #157

Why the hostility? philosslayer Apr 2014 #158

And some parents call their teething children "biters" redqueen Apr 2014 #159

My son walked up to a girl and bit her on the face philosslayer Apr 2014 #166

Sounds like it may have been. ForgoTheConsequence Apr 2014 #180

Ahhh.... philosslayer Apr 2014 #183

I know this is trite, but Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #188

I am assuming that I'm that person Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #178

Amazing, isn't? philosslayer Apr 2014 #185

You should probably talk to him about his biting, then Orrex Apr 2014 #189

One of pipi_k Apr 2014 #221

I would have to be convinced that violence and humiliation count as training. n/t Orsino Apr 2014 #134

In 37 countries all corporal punishment is illegal - TBF Apr 2014 #136

The Albanian law includes Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #139

hitting children is a sign that you are frustrated, and really nothing to do with La Lioness Priyanka Apr 2014 #142

Hitting an adult is battery - TBF Apr 2014 #146

It depends on the kid. CFLDem Apr 2014 #149

And hence, the sins of the fathers are the sins of the sons... LanternWaste Apr 2014 #177

Big difference between spanking and a swat. An occasional swat on the bum to get their attention OregonBlue Apr 2014 #163

My rule was "Spank only for behaviors that would injure them". Xithras Apr 2014 #168

According to some here Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #174

hitting and "serious adult voices" are the only two options? LanternWaste Apr 2014 #190

What would you suggest Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #201

Seems to me that... pipi_k Apr 2014 #225

Again, I raised four children Madam Mossfern Apr 2014 #228

Well come on... pipi_k Apr 2014 #230

Could have been averted by being proactive. ForgoTheConsequence Apr 2014 #181

He unplugged a lamp Xithras Apr 2014 #182

You should have removed all of your outlets and hung your lamps from the ceiling. Duh! Orrex Apr 2014 #186

That's why they make these. ForgoTheConsequence Apr 2014 #187

You could. Or you could just teach the kid not to play with them. Xithras Apr 2014 #191

Funny all the adults who weren't spanked who never figured out they shouldn't play with them kcr Apr 2014 #202

You can teach them that without hitting them. morningfog Apr 2014 #213

Communication and patience are the key to disciplining a child. LanternWaste Apr 2014 #173

Apparently marions ghost Apr 2014 #193

Violence towards children is not ok. RedCappedBandit Apr 2014 #197

It does. redqueen Apr 2014 #200

Spanking children is a brilliant idea Matariki Apr 2014 #208

Reading through this thread, those who raised their children 3 or 4 or more decades ago, I can morningfog Apr 2014 #214

Worked for me. nt oldhippie Apr 2014 #222

Also, as I'm thinking of how pipi_k Apr 2014 #229

Message auto-removed Name removed Apr 2014 #233

I'm okay with spanking AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #237

You support assault and battery of a minor, then. morningfog Apr 2014 #243

No, I support spanking in some cases of children. AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #246

Which is assault and battery. Do you support hitting adults against their will? morningfog Apr 2014 #257

I support mild corporal punishment in place of jail sentences as well, so yes. AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #259

I don't believe you actually believe that. morningfog Apr 2014 #261

Believe I actually believe that AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #263

You still haven't explained what you mean. morningfog Apr 2014 #275

Well, smacks with a wooden stick on the back and arms for lesser crimes AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #276

"...and such?" What the fuck does that even mean. morningfog Apr 2014 #285

And I'm done with your rudeness :P AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #288

States that use the model criminal code treestar Apr 2014 #273

Many people do pipi_k Apr 2014 #244

My parents spanked me for example AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #247

And as I said... pipi_k Apr 2014 #250

Yet I received it and am for it AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #256

Hmmm...I wonder what pipi_k Apr 2014 #266

Any analogy likening a dependent child to an independent adult is faulty Orrex Apr 2014 #267

Actually, that's not pipi_k Apr 2014 #292

Well, you're completely correct in that regard. Orrex Apr 2014 #294

I'm glad pipi_k Apr 2014 #296

When have I advocated for abuse of any kind? Spanking is abuse? AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #269

Off the track pipi_k Apr 2014 #293

You said ""I received spousal abuse and am for it"" implying what I am advocating for AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #298

Wow, wtf? Welcome to the 21st century. morningfog Apr 2014 #258

Just my view on the subject AcertainLiz Apr 2014 #260

I'm 59 years old. I was spanked and so were all of my contemporaries. pink-o Apr 2014 #254

Just like hitting a dog, spanking children is for people too stupid... Walk away Apr 2014 #255

+1 excellent post. nt laundry_queen Apr 2014 #264

IMO, we have failed as parents if we need to use violence and anger to teach a lesson. cleanhippie Apr 2014 #268

Spanking is Jamaal510 Apr 2014 #274

No, it is not acceptable to hit others. Wish we went the way of Switzerland & spanking was a crime. Sunlei Apr 2014 #277

My sister and I SevenSixtyTwo Apr 2014 #282

my idea of acceptable discipline is making my kids listen to King Crimson's "Discipline" Warren DeMontague Apr 2014 #283

Three rules for raising kids. McCamy Taylor Apr 2014 #286

Three simple rules, pipi_k Apr 2014 #295

Yes n/t bobGandolf Apr 2014 #287

video yuiyoshida Apr 2014 #290