Are you raising nice kids? A Harvard psychologist gives 5 ways to raise them to be kind

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15. Empathy is THE key to raising children

IMNSHO.

It's not just about those 5 points either. I can think of so many ways we can teach empathy. Every time there is human interaction, there is a teachable moment for children. Children need to learn how to consider other people's point of views and I think it's more important than anything else you teach a child because EVERYTHING else you try to instill in your children - responsibility, chores, homework, family harmony, social life - all rests on the ability to empathize. Teaching those other things is easy if your child has empathy.

One mistake (that I didn't see in the list) I see parents make SO often is trying to be perfect in front of their children. Not showing negative emotions seems to carry some badge of super parent nowadays and I'm not sure why. I have several friends and relatives that do this - in the face of some emotional, life-changing event, they feel like they have to put on this mask of "I must carry on stoically". A relative of mine had her husband die suddenly, and she carried on as usual, even bringing the kids to school the next day so as 'not to disrupt their routine'. She talked about how she kept her emotions out of every day life, only crying after the kids were in bed. She eventually realized the error of her ways, when a few months later, when she said something like, "Oh, your dad would've loved this!" her daughter said, "Is it okay to talk about dad now?" I think people forget that kids learn to express emotions by mirroring their parents. A child who sees their parent dealing with emotions in a healthy manner won't just understand how to show emotions healthily, it's also a teachable moment to show the child how to comfort someone else who is in distress.

There have been times in my life where I've been upset in front of my kids - they are usually more curious than anything and I explain to them why I'm upset (Grandma is sick, my puppy died) and then I thank them for asking why I'm upset and let them know it made me feel better. My youngest was especially concerned and would bring me a drink of water or something and hug me and tell me she was 'making me better'. Some people really think that showing those emotions may be stressing children out too much, but I think it's good for them to see emotions of all kinds and that when a family is 'perfect' with few emotions it creates anxiety because the child is unsure about how to express THEIR emotions and they bottle it up instead. Of course, I also make sure I show empathy to my children and to others, who are upset. And empathy towards animals too. I think having a pet is a great idea for children because it teaches them how to anticipate other people's needs without language. I have one daughter who I deem 'at risk' of not having empathy (my children's dad is a sociopath) and I did have her in therapy with a child psychologist for awhile during my divorce (therapist said she had plenty of empathy, so phew!) and since we have gotten our puppy (well, now a year old, LOL) her sense of empathy has exploded. She cares for that dog, anticipates her needs, her emotions, everything. The change in her is pretty amazing.

Anyway, good article. Oh, I'd like to add that this is a great program to start up in school...in my kids' previous school they had a program called "Roots of Empathy" where over the course of the school year, a new mother would bring her new baby in once a month for 10 months and the kids were taught how to anticipate a baby's needs, wants and emotions. I think that should be in every school all over North America, especially for kids who are not taught it at home. Something so small could make for so much improvement in our society.