This is what happened to a woman who said "no" to a stranger's gropes

[Luminous Animal]

10. This outcome is why I do not endorse women laying their hands on gropers.

I do endorse physical self-defense in situations where it is required.

I am 56 now and there are several memories of sexual assault that will never leave me. The first that I will tell you about (though not the first that occurred) was when I was 18. I was in a bar when one of the football players from our college team grabbed my butt. I turned around and and pushed, not punched, his arm and told him to leave me alone. Within seconds he had me on the ground choking me. Other patrons were trying to pull him off. People were screaming at him and the bartenders to call the cops (pre-cell phone and pre- 911). He didn't stop until I blacked out. I think he thought I was dead and saw no reason to continue.

Second scenario described. I was 28, and was walking home, in a skirt above my knees (gasp) around midnight from a visit with a friend at her home. I was walking with a long time male friend who self-define as a "98 pound weakling". A group of 5 0r 6 young men, younger than me but not minors, approached. As we walked by, one of those men reached under my skirt and grabbed my behind. My friend did not witness the assault. That group of men and my friend and I were the only people on the block. I said nothing. I said nothing because the first thing I thought of was my experience of nearly dying from 10 years prior and I did not want to put myself or my friend at risk.

Third scenario is a mash-up of many scenarios between the age of 18-56. When someone guy grabs my butt or tweaks my boob, or slips his hand between my legs or otherwise touches me in a manner that I find offending, in a public place with many people within ear shot; I will, remove myself to a distance sufficient enough to avoid a punch, a beating, a strangling, or death. After removing myself in a sufficient distance where I feel safe from violent physical retaliation I; 1) loudly state that I have been sexually assaulted and point out my assailant by description. Then, I will proceed to lodge a complaint to the attendant authority be that a bus driver, bar tender, venue security, etc.