General Discussion

Skidmore

(37,364 posts)

95. Look, finances realistically can play into it and not for the reason I think you are hoping it does.

Mon Sep 8, 2014, 11:41 AM

Sep 2014

If the victim is solely dependent on the abuser, then that means not having the means to leave and start again. Starting over, especially, with the responsibility of the care of children, is not that easy. If you have been with your abuser for any length of time, then it is likely that you have no recent work experience, no independent income source of your own, nor do you necessarily have a place to go to or a good support system to help you in your time of need. Why is that so hard for you to grasp? This does happen frequently. Not every person has the ego strength or resources it takes to leave.

Look, I have no idea who you are but I speak from experience. It took me the better part of twenty years to extricate myself from an abusive relationship. I didn't stay for the money and I doubt anyone else stays for it. Abusive relationships are ever so much more complicated than you would like them to be. I am stopping my comment here because I believe that you are not able or willing to empathize with victims of abuse and I am finding myself tapping memories I'd sooner keep in the past.

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The video of Ray Rice punching his fianceé when they were in the elevator: [View all] Are_grits_groceries Sep 2014 OP

kick for visibility tomm2thumbs Sep 2014 #1

Suspended for a year chervilant Sep 2014 #2

He brings money to the NFL. She doesn't improve their bottom line by one thin dime. Hoppy Sep 2014 #7

He by himself brings nothing to the NFL. If he goes to prison the Ravens will replace him before he Doctor_J Sep 2014 #109

Yeah, chervilant Sep 2014 #112

Are you kidding? For something that trivial? hifiguy Sep 2014 #57

at least he didn't smoke pot geek tragedy Sep 2014 #3

Not Sure How The Court System Let Him Off As Lightly ProfessorGAC Sep 2014 #4

This Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #6

"The NFL sucks" City Lights Sep 2014 #21

His then-fiancee married him quickly after his arraignment Blue_Tires Sep 2014 #25

Gordon Should Be ProfessorGAC Sep 2014 #42

The prosecutor could do his job without the wife's testimony. Those videos alone pnwmom Sep 2014 #151

That's What I Was Thinking ProfessorGAC Sep 2014 #192

The extended video, showing his behavior after the punch, pnwmom Sep 2014 #196

I think the bigger factor... gcomeau Sep 2014 #53

the victim doesn't need to "press charges", the state can prosecute anyway. unblock Sep 2014 #104

But they generally don't if the victim doesn't want them to. gcomeau Sep 2014 #105

usually a reluctant victim would avoid the stand entirely. unblock Sep 2014 #106

Especially when the victim in this case married the perpetrator after the incident... -eom gcomeau Sep 2014 #107

i think that certainly makes them less likely to cooperate unblock Sep 2014 #117

When it's as open and shut as this case would be, they can and should. pnwmom Sep 2014 #154

It matters a *great deal* what she would say actually. gcomeau Sep 2014 #161

Why? He knocked her out, on camera. He's guilty of assault. Open and shut case, pnwmom Sep 2014 #162

Unless... gcomeau Sep 2014 #164

That won't happen. pnwmom Sep 2014 #166

Oh really? gcomeau Sep 2014 #171

Think about it -- they were talking to her when she was still groggy from the attack. pnwmom Sep 2014 #172

You just rebutted your own argument. gcomeau Sep 2014 #173

She doesn't have to press charges. The prosecutor can do that all on his own , pnwmom Sep 2014 #153

And she married him! cwydro Sep 2014 #5

She already had a child with him -- they were already bound through that child. n/t pnwmom Sep 2014 #155

Yes, what a great father! nt Logical Sep 2014 #181

K&R! Omaha Steve Sep 2014 #8

Is she still with him?... Helen Borg Sep 2014 #9

Married rpannier Sep 2014 #11

some women will put up with anything for money leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #17

Shut.Up! Are_grits_groceries Sep 2014 #20

It is common for abuse victims to return to their abuser. WHY do they leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #41

Fear is a powerful thing. Skidmore Sep 2014 #48

so then it could be about money leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #69

From everything Skidmore posted, this is the one thing that you decide to pick up on justiceischeap Sep 2014 #86

ok so you know absolutely the reason she's putting up with that and that it's DEFINITELY leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #90

To read your comments, she puts up with it because it's DEFINITELY worth the money justiceischeap Sep 2014 #97

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #100

Welcome to DU! Try the pizza. it's delicious. LadyHawkAZ Sep 2014 #102

Look, finances realistically can play into it and not for the reason I think you are hoping it does. Skidmore Sep 2014 #95

Thank you for sharing your story Tree-Hugger Sep 2014 #159

Thank you for your posts, Skidmore. It's a shame that so many need to be educated pnwmom Sep 2014 #169

You sure want to blame it on her, don't you? She's just a gold digger after his money. pnwmom Sep 2014 #168

Hope they changed. Fear they will get hurt worse if they don't (which often happens), lack of self uppityperson Sep 2014 #133

That's a horrible thing to say. The number one sufrommich Sep 2014 #27

fear of what? leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #40

Gosh I don't know. Death? sufrommich Sep 2014 #49

you think she fears for her life from this football player leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #63

I think the vast majority of domestic abuse victims sufrommich Sep 2014 #71

in this case this is very hi profile she could probably him with out worry leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #77

What's that I hear? sufrommich Sep 2014 #83

touche leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #85

Always at least one feigning ignorance to promote a POV.... LanternWaste Sep 2014 #45

but i was just told leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #55

try empathy. nt shireen Sep 2014 #123

i have empathy leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #125

Actually don't try empathy. JimDandy Sep 2014 #129

sorry, i don't understand shireen Sep 2014 #188

You are correct. JimDandy Sep 2014 #190

Couldn't her ann--- Sep 2014 #187

Anti-choice DUer blames woman for her own abuse. News at 11. nt LeftyMom Sep 2014 #50

She married him and refused to cooperate with authorities davidn3600 Sep 2014 #58

She's not responsible for his behavior and the her living her life isn't a message to anybody. LeftyMom Sep 2014 #67

Well, LeftyMom, that's where you're wrong justiceischeap Sep 2014 #87

She's being a victim wrong. She's supposed to stand up to the enormous, powerful, wealthy, famous LeftyMom Sep 2014 #89

When a victim refuses to cooperate with police, they tend to lose sympathy with people davidn3600 Sep 2014 #91

Abusive relationships are fucked up. This is not news. His behavior is still not her fault. LeftyMom Sep 2014 #92

I love you wellstone dem Sep 2014 #176

Oh, I just felt like sharing the jury results on that post you're responding to. BlancheSplanchnik Sep 2014 #180

Well, thanks for trying. I'm glad somebody sees through the strategic befuddlement. nt LeftyMom Sep 2014 #182

Thank you LeftyMom. lovemydog Sep 2014 #189

They shouldn't -- especially with non-ignorant people. There is a reason so many of the women pnwmom Sep 2014 #131

No one asked for your sympathy BainsBane Sep 2014 #178

You don't think he could have said NewJeffCT Sep 2014 #160

Or that he'd keep their mutual child away from her. LeftyMom Sep 2014 #170

im not anti-choice you can do what you want with your pregnacy leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #66

That's funny, I seem to recall you calling women murderers a few threads back. nt. LeftyMom Sep 2014 #68

yes i think abortion kills but what you do with your pregnancy doesnt affect me leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #75

Yep, your attitude toward women is delightful. LeftyMom Sep 2014 #76

it isnt about her it's about the fact that it's my baby too leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #80

Considering your attitude toward women it's a safe bet you'll never run into this problem! LeftyMom Sep 2014 #81

being 52 and married i think it would be a safe bet leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #99

Be honest about being anti- choice please: geek tragedy Sep 2014 #108

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #110

Grow a uterus and then you can get the final say. Arugula Latte Sep 2014 #120

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #122

Like I said, grow a uterus and you get the final say. Arugula Latte Sep 2014 #126

I dont recognize you as the arbitor of these things. you can express your OPINION on leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #128

Jury results are in: beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #186

better link alp227 Sep 2014 #177

^^^ Wow. nt TBF Sep 2014 #113

With "allies" like this BainsBane Sep 2014 #179

This is blame the victim talk. You don't know why she's still with him. pnwmom Sep 2014 #130

According to comments on tv this pm she was DURHAM D Sep 2014 #137

That is disgusting, if true. I hope the truth comes out. n/t pnwmom Sep 2014 #140

good god fishwax Sep 2014 #157

Beats dying Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #165

UGH. But men who get their heads bashed in for bucks are heros in our culture. bettyellen Sep 2014 #195

omg... yuiyoshida Sep 2014 #10

Went over to ESPN rpannier Sep 2014 #12

No jail? Will he have to kill her first? I hope he has no firearms. marble falls Sep 2014 #13

If she didn't want to press charges hifiguy Sep 2014 #60

In most places its understood that the crime is filed by the people and the victim becomes a witness marble falls Sep 2014 #116

If - and I say if because I don't know - hifiguy Sep 2014 #118

They don't need her cooperation since there is undeniable evidence about the attack. pnwmom Sep 2014 #150

Horrifying! Thanks for posting and raising awareness. LiberalLoner Sep 2014 #14

Ok not excusing his behavior, however I know this will piss people off Heather MC Sep 2014 #15

Seriously? DURHAM D Sep 2014 #18

If a guy smacked a woman and she laid him out people here would be cheering her snooper2 Sep 2014 #23

You are wrong DURHAM D Sep 2014 #24

What view? He should have been cut for a year and at least probation, I was simply snooper2 Sep 2014 #29

Creative, if unimaginative prophecy of yours... LanternWaste Sep 2014 #47

Afraid that is right treestar Sep 2014 #38

i remember this leftyohiolib Sep 2014 #78

are you mercuryblues Sep 2014 #114

No, that's an unfair characterization treestar Sep 2014 #127

I think that mercuryblues Sep 2014 #135

yep! Heather MC Sep 2014 #143

No. But why does everyone say he hit her first (as TMZ does as well)? joeglow3 Sep 2014 #32

Not what I said at all, thanks for reading Heather MC Sep 2014 #142

Are you serious??? Are_grits_groceries Sep 2014 #22

She married him after that it didn't bother her that much Heather MC Sep 2014 #141

You need to read about domestic violence victims. Are_grits_groceries Sep 2014 #191

How is it Dangerous, I will never encounter these two people in the course of my day Heather MC Sep 2014 #193

you need to read about their relationship Heather MC Sep 2014 #194

As a much stronger opponent, it doesn't matter if she hit him. MH1 Sep 2014 #36

Shame on you n/t 951-Riverside Sep 2014 #46

#NoShame Heather MC Sep 2014 #144

#whyistayed sufrommich Sep 2014 #145

And don't get mouthy either. Nye Bevan Sep 2014 #52

So if a toddler slaps me in a fit of pique, I can go ahead and punch his lights out? Sheldon Cooper Sep 2014 #61

No I am not Heather MC Sep 2014 #146

Sorry Heather, but you couldn't be more wrong. Sheldon Cooper Sep 2014 #149

Ok I am wrong, sure. Heather MC Sep 2014 #167

No, that's exactly what you're doing. nt LeftyMom Sep 2014 #73

Wow, you really are missing the point! nt Logical Sep 2014 #82

"Don't pick fights with people that can hurt you." City Lights Sep 2014 #88

If the video was just her hitting him would it even be news? Heather MC Sep 2014 #148

"Don't wear short skirts to clubs"?!? chervilant Sep 2014 #121

You need to watch the first 30 seconds of this video again justiceischeap Sep 2014 #139

You are a really clueless if you believe that! nt Logical Sep 2014 #183

She married him. good grief. eom LittleGirl Sep 2014 #16

Despicable. Then he just drags her like a sack of potatoes riderinthestorm Sep 2014 #19

He's probably done this more than once,just not on sufrommich Sep 2014 #26

Agreed. And the other guy doesn't even check to make sure she's ok either! riderinthestorm Sep 2014 #28

and a bunch of other guys arrived and just stood DURHAM D Sep 2014 #138

A year? After seeing that video, I would say a lifetime ban (nt) Nye Bevan Sep 2014 #30

It's a year before he can apply for reinstatement hughee99 Sep 2014 #184

Go sports! Tsiyu Sep 2014 #31

no one could defend him after seeing that video strawberries Sep 2014 #33

You'd think so. But read this thread. kcr Sep 2014 #37

Message auto-removed Name removed Sep 2014 #103

To the dip shits defending this guy trumad Sep 2014 #34

It looks like he spit on her by the elevator buttons as well. Hassin Bin Sober Sep 2014 #51

If you're an athlete you can get away with almost anything with a tap on the wrist. WI_DEM Sep 2014 #35

He could have killed her. Where was the felony charge? Sunlei Sep 2014 #39

Famous.Athlete. Iggo Sep 2014 #93

I thought that you can charge a spousal abuser without the testimony of the abused Yavin4 Sep 2014 #43

You can in Michigan. I'm not sure every state has that law. sufrommich Sep 2014 #54

Exactly. I thought the same was true for Atlantic City. Yavin4 Sep 2014 #56

Now I'm curious about how widespread this law is. sufrommich Sep 2014 #59

I thought that it was widespread as well. Yavin4 Sep 2014 #62

That is THE biggest plus to that law JimDandy Sep 2014 #134

In Ohio also. jen63 Sep 2014 #197

Re: "He should have gotten suspended for a year." 951-Riverside Sep 2014 #44

Every day men in this country beat up women. NCTraveler Sep 2014 #98

Not much different than the Joe Mixon situation at OU. redstatebluegirl Sep 2014 #64

It is reported that Mixon exboyfil Sep 2014 #74

Yes, that is what I have read. redstatebluegirl Sep 2014 #119

Holy Crap maxrandb Sep 2014 #65

That is unbelievable. Rice should have gone to prison. And now they're married LittleBlue Sep 2014 #70

All the posters blaming her are exactly the people I would have guessed before I opened the thread. LeftyMom Sep 2014 #72

yep... trumad Sep 2014 #79

Word. Iggo Sep 2014 #96

Amen. DURHAM D Sep 2014 #101

IMO Mr Dixon Sep 2014 #84

Ray Rice video’s second horror: Why it never should have been published in the first place Deadbeat Republicans Sep 2014 #94

If nothing else, that video needed to be released Blue_Tires Sep 2014 #132

Celebrity privilege cwydro Sep 2014 #111

For those that may not have seen it, the Ravens have released Rice. justiceischeap Sep 2014 #115

The first video was more than damning enough for me rocktivity Sep 2014 #124

Hideous, heinous, horrific Blue Owl Sep 2014 #136

So why did she marry him? malaise Sep 2014 #147

Maybe she grew up in an abusive household sufrommich Sep 2014 #158

Getting fired and indefinitely suspended is better Generic Brad Sep 2014 #152

How can he not get prison time for this? phil89 Sep 2014 #156

Saw it when I got home from work Ishoutandscream2 Sep 2014 #163

ladies you have been warned. the NFL underthematrix Sep 2014 #174

That's unfair. A lot of players are legitimately nice people and they're all hard workers LeftyMom Sep 2014 #175

From what I understand ann--- Sep 2014 #185