General Discussion

moriah

(8,312 posts)

2. Abusers are also very manipulative and choosy about their targets.

Mon Sep 8, 2014, 07:39 PM

Sep 2014

I dated a guy who started to edge toward controlling me. When I wouldn't give in to his demands to not see my friends, and he got snotty and tried to manipulate me to make me give in, I broke it off. I've told that story to most of the guys I've considered dating. And I've had two or three that never spoke to me again after hearing it -- counted myself lucky.

They often look for women with extremely poor self esteem, who honestly don't think they can do any better. Or who are already in a bad situation, and pretend to be the White Knight and "rescue" them, only to take advantage of that vulnerability.

None of those things are a woman's fault -- but just what the abuser knows will make for an easy target.

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Why do women stay with their abusers? [View all] Ilsa Sep 2014 OP

There's good information here mythology Sep 2014 #1

Abusers are also very manipulative and choosy about their targets. moriah Sep 2014 #2

Thank you for your story. I'm glad you knew Ilsa Sep 2014 #3

It was thanks to my sister's bad experience that I knew the warning signs. moriah Sep 2014 #51

Because it's often more dangerous if they leave. smirkymonkey Sep 2014 #4

Yes, I said as much at the end of my OP. And we Ilsa Sep 2014 #6

An informative Twitter hashtag to follow: sufrommich Sep 2014 #5

Thanks for answering the question so many have OldHippieChick Sep 2014 #7

I'm sure each one has her own individual reasons for doing so. nomorenomore08 Sep 2014 #8

I wrote an article about domestic abuse... Triana Sep 2014 #9

Thank you for your thoughtful Ilsa Sep 2014 #10

Abuse can happen to anyone. People make the mistake of thinking... Triana Sep 2014 #13

That really should be an OP LittleGirl Sep 2014 #33

Great post! theHandpuppet Sep 2014 #38

You've nailed my ex-husband. Mr. Nice-Guy! TheDebbieDee Sep 2014 #39

My ex as well... Triana Sep 2014 #44

Thank you for that IronLionZion Sep 2014 #53

I'm happy you're beyond it though. Triana Sep 2014 #54

I used to counsel DV victims, it is not easy for them to leave .. for many reasons... they have no secondwind Sep 2014 #11

Because women are not simple creatures with single reasons for anything they do. jeff47 Sep 2014 #12

Complicate issue, but Android3.14 Sep 2014 #14

When I worked at the PD I saw a number of reasons. They saw their father appleannie1 Sep 2014 #15

Why. Are. There. So. Many. Abusers. To. Choose. From? leftstreet Sep 2014 #16

Exactly. The judging of this woman on the other threads Ilsa Sep 2014 #22

+1000 smirkymonkey Sep 2014 #41

You are... TheVisitor Sep 2014 #45

"Why do they choose to abuse?" Exactly. It is a CHOICE. Triana Sep 2014 #47

Aware tooeyeten Sep 2014 #17

Yeah, one of our residents left and was murdered Ilsa Sep 2014 #23

After The Washington Post's George Lardner recounted his late daughter's case... CBHagman Sep 2014 #24

Gavin DeBecker is awesome. He encourages Ilsa Sep 2014 #27

He's also practical and points out the traps. CBHagman Sep 2014 #55

Also, there may be no alternative if they have kids. Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #18

It's the judging on DU that has shocked me. Ilsa Sep 2014 #19

Sadly, I'm no longer surprised at the right-wing, libertarian, or otherwise insensitive posting here Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #21

I regret to say I totally agree with you theHandpuppet Sep 2014 #40

Many involved in the sports industry (including Fans) are a new breed of neanderthal 951-Riverside Sep 2014 #20

a depressed k and r that this information has to keep being reposted on this website. niyad Sep 2014 #25

I have an even better question: Brigid Sep 2014 #26

You... TheVisitor Sep 2014 #48

thank you Quayblue Sep 2014 #28

I'm involved in a situation where a woman won't leave her abuser Kaleva Sep 2014 #29

The more important question, as many researchers have found out Tansy_Gold Sep 2014 #30

K&R ReRe Sep 2014 #31

my answer: cwydro Sep 2014 #32

Partly because when they're not being abusive, they're often very charming. WillowTree Sep 2014 #34

Me too jcboon Sep 2014 #42

She was pregnant when he hit her. SunSeeker Sep 2014 #35

"bad things will happen to you if you ever leave me!" IronLionZion Sep 2014 #36

Mental torture. Rex Sep 2014 #37

Because sometimes, they kill your whole family... ScreamingMeemie Sep 2014 #43

My friend grew up in a micro culture where the men are lying, cheating, abusive assholes and much of bettyellen Sep 2014 #46

One of my earliest memories is of my mother hiding an abused woman beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #49

One of the first things abusers do is isolate their 'intended' in every way possible. DebJ Sep 2014 #50

Girls are taught to be nice and be doormats. Manifestor_of_Light Sep 2014 #52