General Discussion

Tansy_Gold

(18,167 posts)

30. The more important question, as many researchers have found out

Mon Sep 8, 2014, 09:40 PM

Sep 2014

Is, "What makes a woman leave her abuser?"

At what point does she make that decision. What pushes her over the line. What can be done her help her move that line back before it's too late. Does she need more money? Does she need a guarantee of a place to stay? A place that will take kids and dogs and cats and all the things a woman has used to give her life meaning when her abuser is taking it away?

Does she need better security that if she leaves, he won't come after her and make good on his threats?

it's one thing to understand how a cycle of abuse starts. It's another entirely to figure out how it ends.

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

55 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Why do women stay with their abusers? [View all] Ilsa Sep 2014 OP

There's good information here mythology Sep 2014 #1

Abusers are also very manipulative and choosy about their targets. moriah Sep 2014 #2

Thank you for your story. I'm glad you knew Ilsa Sep 2014 #3

It was thanks to my sister's bad experience that I knew the warning signs. moriah Sep 2014 #51

Because it's often more dangerous if they leave. smirkymonkey Sep 2014 #4

Yes, I said as much at the end of my OP. And we Ilsa Sep 2014 #6

An informative Twitter hashtag to follow: sufrommich Sep 2014 #5

Thanks for answering the question so many have OldHippieChick Sep 2014 #7

I'm sure each one has her own individual reasons for doing so. nomorenomore08 Sep 2014 #8

I wrote an article about domestic abuse... Triana Sep 2014 #9

Thank you for your thoughtful Ilsa Sep 2014 #10

Abuse can happen to anyone. People make the mistake of thinking... Triana Sep 2014 #13

That really should be an OP LittleGirl Sep 2014 #33

Great post! theHandpuppet Sep 2014 #38

You've nailed my ex-husband. Mr. Nice-Guy! TheDebbieDee Sep 2014 #39

My ex as well... Triana Sep 2014 #44

Thank you for that IronLionZion Sep 2014 #53

I'm happy you're beyond it though. Triana Sep 2014 #54

I used to counsel DV victims, it is not easy for them to leave .. for many reasons... they have no secondwind Sep 2014 #11

Because women are not simple creatures with single reasons for anything they do. jeff47 Sep 2014 #12

Complicate issue, but Android3.14 Sep 2014 #14

When I worked at the PD I saw a number of reasons. They saw their father appleannie1 Sep 2014 #15

Why. Are. There. So. Many. Abusers. To. Choose. From? leftstreet Sep 2014 #16

Exactly. The judging of this woman on the other threads Ilsa Sep 2014 #22

+1000 smirkymonkey Sep 2014 #41

You are... TheVisitor Sep 2014 #45

"Why do they choose to abuse?" Exactly. It is a CHOICE. Triana Sep 2014 #47

Aware tooeyeten Sep 2014 #17

Yeah, one of our residents left and was murdered Ilsa Sep 2014 #23

After The Washington Post's George Lardner recounted his late daughter's case... CBHagman Sep 2014 #24

Gavin DeBecker is awesome. He encourages Ilsa Sep 2014 #27

He's also practical and points out the traps. CBHagman Sep 2014 #55

Also, there may be no alternative if they have kids. Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #18

It's the judging on DU that has shocked me. Ilsa Sep 2014 #19

Sadly, I'm no longer surprised at the right-wing, libertarian, or otherwise insensitive posting here Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #21

I regret to say I totally agree with you theHandpuppet Sep 2014 #40

Many involved in the sports industry (including Fans) are a new breed of neanderthal 951-Riverside Sep 2014 #20

a depressed k and r that this information has to keep being reposted on this website. niyad Sep 2014 #25

I have an even better question: Brigid Sep 2014 #26

You... TheVisitor Sep 2014 #48

thank you Quayblue Sep 2014 #28

I'm involved in a situation where a woman won't leave her abuser Kaleva Sep 2014 #29

The more important question, as many researchers have found out Tansy_Gold Sep 2014 #30

K&R ReRe Sep 2014 #31

my answer: cwydro Sep 2014 #32

Partly because when they're not being abusive, they're often very charming. WillowTree Sep 2014 #34

Me too jcboon Sep 2014 #42

She was pregnant when he hit her. SunSeeker Sep 2014 #35

"bad things will happen to you if you ever leave me!" IronLionZion Sep 2014 #36

Mental torture. Rex Sep 2014 #37

Because sometimes, they kill your whole family... ScreamingMeemie Sep 2014 #43

My friend grew up in a micro culture where the men are lying, cheating, abusive assholes and much of bettyellen Sep 2014 #46

One of my earliest memories is of my mother hiding an abused woman beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #49

One of the first things abusers do is isolate their 'intended' in every way possible. DebJ Sep 2014 #50

Girls are taught to be nice and be doormats. Manifestor_of_Light Sep 2014 #52