General Discussion

Smarmie Doofus

(14,498 posts)

33. All kinds of psychological fault lines criss-crossing this issue.

Tue Sep 9, 2014, 08:32 AM

Sep 2014

I'm gay... so I don't really get the M-F part of it on a personal level in the same sense that straight Ms and Fs do.

However...... I've always found the mixed messages the culture sends re. F on M domestic violence kind of perplexing and at the same time interesting.

We KNOW it wrong for Ms to physically abuse Fs. The culture makes this abundantly clear. We get no such reassurance in the reverse circumstance.

In fact.... the idea is variously titilating and/or amusing. But it is EVERYWHERE.

Sit coms are a handy quick-fix look into the American cultural psyche. F's dishing out slaps/punches/kicks/pinches to their male partners is the THE cliche sight-gag of sitcom-dom.

Two nites ago Ray Romano ( it was a rerun, I presume) was literally falling all over the furniture trying to escape the wrath of the Mrs. Near as I could tell, he did nothing to
"deserve" or "provoke" such treatment.

Yet the audience howls w. glee. OK, it's canned laughter and a digital audience but someone... at the very least the writers.... must find it amusing/titilatting/profitable.

I don't get it.

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I am a Male. [View all] Hobo Sep 2014 OP

I'm sorry that happened to you and I'm glad you got out Warpy Sep 2014 #1

Hugs to you Hobo. JimDandy Sep 2014 #2

My Ex abused me too, actually. Bit me once or twice, kicked me, and was routinely verbally abusive villager Sep 2014 #3

People who ann--- Sep 2014 #5

This is why it's so important that the right questions are asked of the abuser Triana Sep 2014 #7

And then she left me for a verbally abusive alcoholic, who she *returned* to after hospitalization villager Sep 2014 #8

I hope this works out well for you and your family. Eleanors38 Sep 2014 #38

That is the sad, unspoken question, E38 villager Sep 2014 #61

Thing about heartbreak I've noted: The routine of Eleanors38 Sep 2014 #69

I've been to Austin in the spring, and several times in summer (!) villager Sep 2014 #93

In town, it's a relief. Outside, it's creation. Eleanors38 Sep 2014 #94

If she abused you, she might have also abused your sons. tblue37 Sep 2014 #43

She had a very tough time with eldest son when he was in jr. high villager Sep 2014 #62

Sounds like hormones could be involved too if she is improving as she ages. catbyte Sep 2014 #65

That has occurred to me, too. There was -- is -- a biochemical component, as well villager Sep 2014 #66

Thank you for sharing your story. Behind the Aegis Sep 2014 #4

Sadly, BtA, you are correct Aerows Sep 2014 #52

It's abuse no matter who does it: male or female, same-sex partner or whatever. Triana Sep 2014 #6

No judgment here. beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #9

very underreported, this happening to men. My nephew is undergoing this roguevalley Sep 2014 #10

I know of those situations. Blue_In_AK Sep 2014 #11

"Something about each of us just totally pissed our exes off" ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #13

Well, you are exactly right. Blue_In_AK Sep 2014 #15

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #12

"you could just walk away" ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #14

yeah I did. redruddyred Sep 2014 #16

So it's not possible for a woman to hit a man with an object as his back is turned.... ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #17

that's objectively extremely difficult redruddyred Sep 2014 #19

What does the ability to "just physically walk away" have to do with it? beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #21

*crickets joeglow3 Sep 2014 #37

At least that one was hidden. beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #55

Message auto-removed Name removed Sep 2014 #91

Ironic I would read this right now SickOfTheOnePct Sep 2014 #26

The most mercuryblues Sep 2014 #31

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #48

"Replying" to the hidden post SickOfTheOnePct Sep 2014 #57

I very seldom alert beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #59

I know you're unable to respond to this but I need to address what you've... one_voice Sep 2014 #54

Reminds me of Rep. Alan Grayson - remember that video posted here closeupready Sep 2014 #58

Message auto-removed Name removed Sep 2014 #92

My dad tried to walk away, so mom picked up a butcher knife and chased after him. B Calm Sep 2014 #22

The highest potential for violence is there regardless of the size of one compared to the other gollygee Sep 2014 #30

Discussing men who are DV victims isn't in poor taste. Gormy Cuss Sep 2014 #45

Message auto-removed Name removed Sep 2014 #90

"this is why discussion of domestic violence towards men is considered in poor taste." hrmjustin Sep 2014 #47

Hobo, my heart goes out to you. Skidmore Sep 2014 #18

You're correct. Women can be abusive, too. moriah Sep 2014 #20

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #23

I will mercuryblues Sep 2014 #29

Less of a man? Shankapotomus Sep 2014 #24

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #25

Must be Alan West. Scuba Sep 2014 #28

I agree that DU turns to "what about the men" way too often gollygee Sep 2014 #32

What is your problem on this thread? NaturalHigh Sep 2014 #34

It's pretty repulsive to use a sock to attack a post like this, just FYI. Marr Sep 2014 #39

The owner of this sock IS on a timeout, are they not? tkmorris Sep 2014 #41

I believe so, yep. /nt Marr Sep 2014 #53

Um, what the hell is wrong with you? tavalon Sep 2014 #46

Violence is wrong regardless of the sex of the initiator jimlup Sep 2014 #27

I completely disagree with you. closeupready Sep 2014 #50

But are we ALL "physically larger and stronger"? Smarmie Doofus Sep 2014 #73

All kinds of psychological fault lines criss-crossing this issue. Smarmie Doofus Sep 2014 #33

I wish I could rec this post. beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #56

Thanks. Smarmie Doofus Sep 2014 #75

You should. beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #76

+100 n/t lumberjack_jeff Sep 2014 #64

Sorry you had to go through that Hobo. NaturalHigh Sep 2014 #35

I think sometimes a woman hitting a man can signal... Whiskeytide Sep 2014 #36

I watched my father being abused his whole life dickthegrouch Sep 2014 #40

Good for you cvoogt Sep 2014 #42

That is awful tavalon Sep 2014 #44

It takes courage to post what you did. beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #60

You should have defended yourself, but I'm glad you closeupready Sep 2014 #49

Of course it was wrong for her to hit you- TheVisitor Sep 2014 #51

Conversations about collective blame or "degrees of violence" miss the point. lumberjack_jeff Sep 2014 #63

I abused my ex-husband once and never regretted it. RebelOne Sep 2014 #67

Ouch. mnhtnbb Sep 2014 #70

So... basically you're saying it's ok to beat your husband unconscious.... Smarmie Doofus Sep 2014 #71

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #79

4 DUers found your violent assault acceptable. Union Scribe Sep 2014 #80

I know...how disgusting is that? U4ikLefty Sep 2014 #81

At least they got caught on their double down ProudToBeBlueInRhody Sep 2014 #83

THIS IS A FUCKING DISGUSTING POST U4ikLefty Sep 2014 #82

That happened to a friend of mine. hifiguy Sep 2014 #68

Abuse is abuse LWolf Sep 2014 #72

The thread that said men shouldn't post about being abused got many more rec's than yours Doctor_J Sep 2014 #74

Good god. Do ya' have a link for that one? Smarmie Doofus Sep 2014 #77

Where is the thread that said men shouldn't post about being abused? n/t kcr Sep 2014 #85

on the greatest page. it's called something like Doctor_J Sep 2014 #86

That isn't saying what you claim it is n/t kcr Sep 2014 #87

Really? Here is most of the op Doctor_J Sep 2014 #88

Really. I read the OP. kcr Sep 2014 #89

True equality n/t UTUSN Sep 2014 #78

K & R - thank you for your post Hobo! lovemydog Sep 2014 #84