She married him because she is an idiot.

[IdaBriggs]

19. I am glad you see the STUPID in the comment.

Unfortunately, it is one of the ways people in co-dependent abusive relationships explain the unexplainable to themselves.

Sometimes, it is all about who has the perceived control. If she convinces herself that she really is to blame -- that *she* had the *power* to "make him" do stuff, then she can "control him" by simply not doing (fill-in-the-blank) next time.

Of course it is bullshit. Despite her ability to "magically mind control HIM" he was the person who was 100% in control of his own actions. But both sides usually play the game.

"If you didn't (fill-in-the-blank), then I wouldn't drink / hit you / cheat on you / do drugs / drive drunk / lie / yell / etc."

Bottom line: when we do bad things, it is because we made a choice, out of the many, Many, MANY different ways we could handle a situation, to do *that* particular action. And telling ourselves "well, it could be worse, because we/they could have (fill-in-the-blank) instead" is a way to excuse it.

Sometimes a person really has to twist their mind into pretzel shapes to accept unacceptable behavior, but people do that, too.

It isn't *healthy* behavior, but it is more common than you would believe.