I was punched in the face as a kid by a stepfather

[chervilant]

7. I am the only one of five sisters

who elected to remain childless -- in large part, because I grew up in a toxic, violent home with an unpredictable, alcoholic father.

I recently posted this on Facebook, thinking about my childhood and all the news about violence against children:

"Anyone can have a child, and call themselves 'a parent.' A real parent is someone who puts that child above their own selfish needs and wants."

Having read all of Alice Miller's work, I was struck by the irony of this homily. What IS a real parent? Would we know one if we saw one? Isn't this adjuration exactly what Miller addresses when she describes our species' poisonous pedagogy?

There are far too many people on this planet who should not be "parents." Many of us are quick to react defensively whenever anyone casts aspersions on "parenting," particularly those of us whose parenting -- or parents -- might be perceived as less than stellar. My baby sister thought my post was about her, adding another layer of irony to this rather provocative homily. I was thinking about child abuse when I posted it-- and growing up with abuse and electing not to have children because of it. Miller is spot on about our species' parenting issues!