I was punched in the face as a kid by a stepfather

[moriah]

27. I was only abusively switched once, and because of it, will never spank my own kids.

When I was really little, my grandmother would switch me -- from 3 til about 6 or 7 -- for things like getting into my mother's makeup, for instance, or breaking my sister's music box her dad gave her trying to take it apart to see how it worked. I never recall pain or marks or bruises -- just that I was dreading the spanking because it meant I was in trouble. I remember going to my room and hiding to try to avoid the switching, and after me doing that a few times, and breaking the switches into little pieces after every spanking, the spankings stopped. Or I just got old enough to not do the things that they felt merited a switching.

I have a feeling that she really wasn't even hitting me with the switch, or else just barely tapping me. (They might have stopped for another reason, also, which I'll get into here later).

When I was 11, however, I willfully defied my mother for the first time ever. I'd had far worse abuse in school than I ever had at home, if you count tapping a 3 year old with a switch as abuse -- two concussions and a broken arm in one year alone -- and I was going to a new school and the bullying was starting again. I complained to the school officials myself, but they had done nothing to fix it, and I was injured the day before at school. I was determined it would not happen again.

So I refused, flat-out, to go to school that day. I'd told Mom that the night before, but she thought I was being dramatic. Nope, I was serious. I'd had it.

Looking back, I know that Mom really didn't mean to be abusive. She was a single mother trying to support me, she had to get to work to pay the rent for the roof over our heads, and here I was blatantly defying her, making her late for work. She, too, was sick of me being bullied, but really didn't have any idea of a way to stop it then. She was frustrated. She was angry. And she lost her temper.

She said she would spank me (the very first time, ever, that she ever had or did since) if I didn't get my butt dressed and ready for school in 10 minutes. I mouthed off to go right ahead and do it now, because I STILL wasn't going back to that school again. That was the straw that broke the camel's back for her. She went out and found a tree, broke off a switch, and told me to remove my PJ bottoms and underwear and stand laying over the bed. I figured a spanking was a heck of a lot better than another concussion or broken arm, so accepted the pain. I'd had worse. I didn't cry. I didn't scream. I refused to show that it hurt. I was mad enough, anyway, myself, that it really didn't hurt much at the time.

After probably 5-10 minutes, she stopped and looked down at my butt and legs. I remember her saying "Oh my God...."

I'm a ginger. Gingers often have a condition called "dermatographia", where scratching or pressure on the skin will cause them to basically have an allergic reaction. The skin hives up. If my grandmother ever switched me hard enough to cause that, that might have been why she stopped using a switch, but my mother was never part of my discipline at that age, as she was in college and working full time too. Because Mom was so angry, she wasn't looking at what she was doing, she was taking her frustration out with the switch. She'd switched over the welts, causing the skin to break and draw blood, and not even realized she was making me bleed until she looked down.

Needless to say, I didn't go to school that day. If a teacher had seen it, Mom would no doubt have been reported to DHS for child abuse. It healed in a few days, and by then Mom had made arrangements to get me enrolled in a very small private school for gifted children, and got them to approve me for a scholarship because there's no way she could have afforded it herself. And she never spanked me again.

(When they could no longer afford to keep the financial aid going, I had to go back to public school, and again had to deal with bullies -- once, I handled it by just saying "Okay, go ahead, hit me!" to the girl who was threatening to beat me up in school, and let her punch me in the face twice, but egging her on each time -- "Is that the best you can do? Go ahead, hit me!" "You fight like a girl!" C'mon, hit me!" Yes, she was a girl, but it just came out. I never hit her back, though. I just got enough attention drawn to the situation that the school officials intervened and served the suspension they deemed appropriate for both of us, despite numerous witnesses stating I never touched her. While I was gone, a rumor started circulating around the school that I knew martial arts and had planned to beat the living hell out of her when she threw the third punch. No one else messed with me at that school again. I guess "Turn the other cheek" does work!)

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My views on spanking are influenced by this incident for two reasons. One, physical discipline, if it is going to be used, should NEVER be used while the parent is angry. But by the time the parent has gotten their own emotions under control and a non-abusive spanking could happen (if there is such a thing), the parent would have had to implement some other temporary punishment in the interim, like grounding or a time-out. So why is the spanking even necessary, if there are other punishments that will work? I basically voluntarily gave myself time-outs as a kid to avoid Granny's spankings, but a time out would have worked, too, without the threat of a switching.

Second, spanking doesn't work. I got my way -- I didn't have to go to school that day. When a person is exposed to physical pain enough, it becomes less of a deterrent. I'd had enough from the bullies that Mom's switching was nothing in comparison, and was willing to invite being hit if it would make sure that an adult witnessed the assault when it came from another child. The worst punishment my mother gave me when I was a teenager was making me take the modem out of my computer so I couldn't get online for two weeks (for running up the phone bill downloading files for my BBS). I never made another long-distance call on that line again. Taking away privileges works far better than any spanking.