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JonLP24

(29,929 posts)

19. When my parents divorced

Tue Sep 16, 2014, 10:12 AM

Sep 2014

My mom moved to Arizona while my dad stayed behind, they had 2 children so they went with split custody. I don't know what led to the decisions as to who got who but a woman called the police for a public spanking in the Safeway parking lot. I don't remember it, I couldn't have been older than 3 or 4 so they switched and my dad got my younger brother and I went to Arizona. Know I wonder why that was a "solution"

My mom stopped spanking at a very young age but she resorted to manipulation & verbal abuse. I'm not sure which is worse. If I wasn't so tired & stayed up all night I would detail the worst mental torture I've ever seen. People that we both knew would tell me, "You know he used to hit her?" From what I saw from her stalker, ex-boyfriend was as bad as any abuse I ever witnessed. Starting arguments for literally no reason and kept changing subjects to irreverent shit. He had me fooled at first because he has the skills of a sociopath if he isn't a sociopath but once I saw him for what he was he couldn't fooled me. Ironically at the time he had me fooled, she knew exactly what he was, then he fooled her and I remember a line she used in an argument with him, "So you were this (guy) all along".

One thing I noticed about him, his "tactics" were so rehearsed that overtime he looked like a predictable robot but her heart broke for him and genuinely loved and cared about someone who didn't give 2 shits about her. World is a cruel place at all levels.

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The issue about hitting kids has always been an easy one for me. [View all] trumad Sep 2014 OP

Yes, it's not better than that canard treestar Sep 2014 #1

My mom smoked while breastfeeding my sister and me. NYC_SKP Sep 2014 #3

Now I have an image Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #65

And a Gin and Tonic! NYC_SKP Sep 2014 #67

Add to breastfeeding smokers and pet chicken for dinner. What an infinity of worlds. freshwest Oct 2014 #77

Actually, when young we sat down and ate my pet chicken, Peepee. NYC_SKP Oct 2014 #78

I dreamed I was a child again and Dad was beating me fasttense Sep 2014 #72

Hitting is always wrong unless.... NYC_SKP Sep 2014 #2

yup La Lioness Priyanka Sep 2014 #40

I gave my kid nursemaid's elbow when he dashed out in front of a moving car in a parking lot. hunter Sep 2014 #76

my ex-w raised 2 great kids, never hit, rarely even raised her voice. KG Sep 2014 #4

I can see why that argument works though el_bryanto Sep 2014 #5

You might want to read Alice Miller chervilant Sep 2014 #11

I don't have children and I'm unlikely to ever have children. el_bryanto Sep 2014 #12

I am not offended. I was just sharing information. chervilant Sep 2014 #32

John Bradshaw expanded and popularized the work of Alice Miller Manifestor_of_Light Sep 2014 #71

Thank you so much for this post. chervilant Sep 2014 #73

You're welcome. Manifestor_of_Light Sep 2014 #74

It isn't true that any punishment can be viewed as a form of child abuse. pnwmom Sep 2014 #41

If you're of an older generation, you don't really need to be labeling your parents abusers, though Hippo_Tron Sep 2014 #60

hitting a child demonstrates to me that you don't respect the physical integrity cali Sep 2014 #6

Yes, I think that's the worst aspect of it, freedom fighter jh Sep 2014 #9

A parent who hits their child is incompetent. riqster Sep 2014 #7

It is an act of desperation... 3catwoman3 Sep 2014 #10

I've always said that hitting is the lazy way to raise a child..... secondwind Sep 2014 #8

As I've gotten older and have more perspective I think Lex Sep 2014 #13

rec SammyWinstonJack Sep 2014 #14

Without exception, every parent I have seen striking (a.k.a. "spanking") a child Heidi Sep 2014 #15

When my parents divorced JonLP24 Sep 2014 #19

Jon, I'm sorry you were exposed to all that when you were a kid, and I'm sorry your mom had to Heidi Sep 2014 #21

I was referring to someone else JonLP24 Sep 2014 #26

My husband was beaten with a large belt as a child.. mountain grammy Sep 2014 #16

"I turned out OK" yodermon Sep 2014 #17

Exactly. Heidi Sep 2014 #18

I wish hitting their own kids was a crime in the USA Sunlei Sep 2014 #20

I've always held that Le Taz Hot Sep 2014 #22

If people say their religion dictates they hit a child, they should apply for a valerief Sep 2014 #23

Yup. Hissyspit Sep 2014 #24

I'm thinking more and more that their addiction to child beating is actually sexual. DesertDiamond Sep 2014 #25

The science here is clear. SoLeftIAmRight Sep 2014 #27

After being whipped with a belt as a child I swore I would not do that to my own kids. Dustlawyer Sep 2014 #28

90% of the time a parent hits a child its due to rage and frustration tularetom Sep 2014 #29

where the hell 1dogleft Sep 2014 #57

I've got proof of the opposite -- I've never struck my kids, and they turned out AWESOME. byronius Sep 2014 #30

How in the hell am I supposed to teach my child it's not ok to hit other people AtheistCrusader Sep 2014 #31

K & R Liberal_Dog Sep 2014 #33

I was an abused child maindawg Sep 2014 #34

being beaten is humiliating for adults and children noiretextatique Sep 2014 #35

Yep, Easy colsohlibgal Sep 2014 #36

Except it isn't really easy to know, which is why you still feel a little guilty. pnwmom Sep 2014 #38

Who wants to be the kind of parent with great adult kids pnwmom Sep 2014 #37

Your adult children had years of training from you in keeping their mouths shut. fishwax Sep 2014 #43

a bully with no self control is how i see people who hit children La Lioness Priyanka Sep 2014 #39

There is a huge class divide in spanking/whupping kids AngryAmish Sep 2014 #42

it is hardly universal outside the US. In many places its illegal. fishwax Sep 2014 #44

Some european countries make it illegal AngryAmish Sep 2014 #45

Slavery was prevalent around the world for eons, until it wasn't. That doesn't make it acceptable. pnwmom Sep 2014 #47

Well, it isn't just Europe--countries in South America and Africa as well fishwax Sep 2014 #68

It is a safe and settled fact that stressed out, frazzled, angry, pnwmom Sep 2014 #46

Yeah, those proles are all criminal anyway.... AngryAmish Sep 2014 #48

For some reason you're standing up for child abuse. pnwmom Sep 2014 #50

I am not Amish. AngryAmish Sep 2014 #54

People who were raised Amish and left the community usually use computers. pnwmom Sep 2014 #55

Next time I won't dissent. AngryAmish Sep 2014 #56

Is that evidence that hitting a kid isn't child abuse? phil89 Sep 2014 #52

there is nothing "normal" about beating humans who are smaller than you noiretextatique Sep 2014 #59

Please do share some peer reviewed studies demonstrating this class divide Hippo_Tron Sep 2014 #62

Look at the U of Texas studies AngryAmish Sep 2014 #64

Please link to the studies you're talking about, so I can know we're reading the same thing... Hippo_Tron Sep 2014 #66

Good post and I agree. I think that in a lot of cases the parent is frustrated over something rhett o rick Sep 2014 #49

everything about hitting to punish or teach is contradictive to what i teach my boys in life. seabeyond Sep 2014 #51

Corporal punishment was the norm when I was growing up not Cleita Sep 2014 #53

I divorced my wife finally over it bhikkhu Sep 2014 #58

the number of posters on this site who have been upholding this abuse of children as acceptable, niyad Sep 2014 #61

Fear or respect...kids learn both very, very early. Rex Sep 2014 #63

My second child was WHACKO as a two year old leftieNanner Sep 2014 #69

Hmm davidthegnome Sep 2014 #70

Agreed 100%. I haven't Jamaal510 Sep 2014 #75