General Discussion

MadrasT

(7,237 posts)

116. If the child had emotional problems or was on the autism spectrum

Tue Sep 16, 2014, 07:08 PM

Sep 2014

it would be completely normal.

I am on the spectrum and any change in routine like this would have completely freaked me out. It could have produced a meltdown like this or a shutdown where I withdrew and completely stopped interacting with anyone.

Not implying the OPs child has any of these issues, but kids are just little people and some of them have layers of issues that make them respond in ways that seem strange or as if it is a parenting problem, when the "problem" is that what is happening in their world is exceeding their ability to process or cope with it.

I really like the validation techniques described above. It would have made a world of difference for me if some of my "issues" that appeared strange were validated and heard/understood instead of demonized.

If my ability to process a situation is overwhelmed, to this day, I shut down or melt down. Shut down means unable to communicate and need to isolate. Melt down means screaming and throwing/breaking things. Melt down happens if somebody is pushing me during shut down mode.

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Okay, no spanking. I get that but what's this dad suppose to do? [View all] peabody Sep 2014 OP

It's not an easy situation. HuckleB Sep 2014 #1

Hitting your child isn't going to make things better. Warren Stupidity Sep 2014 #2

But what could I have done? peabody Sep 2014 #5

The not-spanking seems like an important piece of the puzzle. Orsino Sep 2014 #50

Tasers, Mace (Police approved)? How about a big game tranq rifle? Katashi_itto Sep 2014 #141

What would you have done if you were in my situation? peabody Sep 2014 #11

I don't know what I would have done, I know what I would not have done. Warren Stupidity Sep 2014 #78

Move the coffee table. mercuryblues Sep 2014 #100

That's the magic bullet right there Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #126

BINGO laundry_queen Sep 2014 #135

So, what's the solution? nt ChisolmTrailDem Sep 2014 #24

She "refused" to go to her room? hlthe2b Sep 2014 #3

I'm totally in agreement with you. dballance Sep 2014 #106

Yeah, that stood out to me too. laundry_queen Sep 2014 #136

consistency is critical elehhhhna Sep 2014 #4

My wife always say's that.... Koch Ebola Sep 2014 #6

Yes, my wife and I are peabody Sep 2014 #10

If she wouldn't go to her room voluntarily, B2G Sep 2014 #7

Same here. Any screaming = no tv for 2 hours (young kids don't have a good idea of time FSogol Sep 2014 #12

I agree... Making a child take responsibility for their own behavior by apologizing to the neighbor hlthe2b Sep 2014 #17

And it she didn't stay, B2G Sep 2014 #20

My Mom would paddle me and my sister, but I never did that to my sons. (or had to) FSogol Sep 2014 #21

As I stated in another thread, B2G Sep 2014 #27

I wasn't commenting on you personally with my comments. It is more of an FSogol Sep 2014 #29

That is the answer.. Oktober Sep 2014 #31

My father use to hit me pretty hard when he peabody Sep 2014 #52

"I vowed never to treat my kids that way" Awesome. FSogol Sep 2014 #54

OK. You probably won't like this, but it sounds like cali Sep 2014 #8

This sound like a good idea peabody Sep 2014 #14

striking a child is what you wish to avoid. cali Sep 2014 #25

My family always ate together cwydro Sep 2014 #140

I don't have kids myself, mythology Sep 2014 #9

There's something you didn't mention trying. pnwmom Sep 2014 #13

Humm, I'll try that next time. peabody Sep 2014 #22

This might help: abelenkpe Sep 2014 #36

"How to Talk so Kids Will Listen" is the book my sisters and I used when our kids were young. SalviaBlue Sep 2014 #115

I used the whisper routine enlightenment Sep 2014 #39

Great post, enlightenment. And you're right that this kind of response can take a long time, pnwmom Sep 2014 #46

I was lucky to have parents enlightenment Sep 2014 #60

Your parents were very unusual for their generation. You were lucky. And so were your children. n/t pnwmom Sep 2014 #62

They were, and I was - and the kid turned out okay, too! Thanks. :) n/t enlightenment Sep 2014 #65

"okay, are you done now?" SoCalDem Sep 2014 #112

Here's a book about validating that I think you might like. It's short and has plenty of examples. pnwmom Sep 2014 #49

Thank you. peabody Sep 2014 #82

There aren't easy answers. LiberalAndProud Sep 2014 #15

that's a beautiful story. cali Sep 2014 #26

material at the link is very good treestar Sep 2014 #53

That's the kind of dad I tried to be. hunter Sep 2014 #98

I know that growing up LiberalAndProud Sep 2014 #99

Just a suggestion, but... pipi_k Sep 2014 #16

Tsst! Lol! beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #44

Hahahaha!!! pipi_k Sep 2014 #59

Oh you definitely have to see it then. beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #72

I want to add to your post by saying SheilaT Sep 2014 #101

Well, you could start by turning off the tv TexasMommaWithAHat Sep 2014 #18

That's what we're trying to do right now peabody Sep 2014 #28

Two things to share with you: phylny Sep 2014 #119

my question would be, why the hell is an 8 yr old behaving like this? seabeyond Sep 2014 #19

even the best kids have their bad days, or at least their bad moments. unblock Sep 2014 #34

we are talking 8. words work. not two. i do not agree. seabeyond Sep 2014 #35

sounds great, but it doesn't always work that way. unblock Sep 2014 #43

Every kid is different, seaybeyond. I had a niece who was a screamer -- even at that age -- pnwmom Sep 2014 #55

Agree with this Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #130

Yeah. I had some pretty good boundaries and they worked really great on 3 out of my 4 kids. Arkansas Granny Sep 2014 #69

That's what I would look for. Kid could be in some kind of pain but Cleita Sep 2014 #76

If the child had emotional problems or was on the autism spectrum MadrasT Sep 2014 #116

i totally agree. seabeyond Sep 2014 #117

How much sugar are your kids having? iscooterliberally Sep 2014 #23

"let's have a good scream: 1-2-3 AAARRRGGGHHH!" unblock Sep 2014 #30

Interesting idea! peabody Sep 2014 #38

i didn't think of it as humor at first, not until he started laughing. unblock Sep 2014 #45

My grandfather did something similar. shrike Sep 2014 #77

I've been known to use the old: Tsiyu Sep 2014 #134

You monster.. Oktober Sep 2014 #32

Take away her audience - TBF Sep 2014 #33

Through the ordeal, I was taking away privileges. peabody Sep 2014 #42

My youngest is the one who would TBF Sep 2014 #92

To my eyes, your incident last night is the result of a lot of small bad decisions over the years. Brickbat Sep 2014 #37

She sounds like my kindergartener. I try to distract her and it sometimes works. I would like to jwirr Sep 2014 #40

I sent this book to my daughter. I think it's one of the best for this topic. pnwmom Sep 2014 #66

You could try a kneeling or seated cradle assist. Sheldon Cooper Sep 2014 #41

Many good suggestions on this thread. Ilsa Sep 2014 #47

lots of good suggestions here--and I wouldn't rule out filming or threatening to film it zazen Sep 2014 #48

First thing you do - put yourself in time out until you calm down. Avalux Sep 2014 #51

Thank you. It took all I had just peabody Sep 2014 #57

You're welcome! Avalux Sep 2014 #64

Oh man, peabody Sep 2014 #73

It's not easy! Avalux Sep 2014 #103

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #56

Why? Do you think we are all horrible parents? Avalux Sep 2014 #58

Actually, the advice peabody Sep 2014 #63

Getting a monkey to throw darts at a board is also a method. BKH70041 Sep 2014 #67

So you disagree with phil89 Sep 2014 #70

LOL. Somebody has a sad. My theory: He had Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson on his fantasy team. FSogol Sep 2014 #79

Slam! tazkcmo Sep 2014 #107

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #137

DU will just pretend this never happens LittleBlue Sep 2014 #61

And when the do call CPS tazkcmo Sep 2014 #108

Make a chart of when you kids act up like this. JoePhilly Sep 2014 #68

When the kid gets old enough shenmue Sep 2014 #71

My tried and true mercuryblues Sep 2014 #120

Children do not know limits. kentuck Sep 2014 #74

This takes more questions before giving advice. nolabear Sep 2014 #75

The neighbor has every right to complain! yeoman6987 Sep 2014 #80

Not a parent, but physical force can be used without spanking. moriah Sep 2014 #81

That is a tough one. I go with firmness and removal. riqster Sep 2014 #83

I have a few thoughts gollygee Sep 2014 #84

My Mom used fear as a tactic... kentuck Sep 2014 #85

Check with your local agencies for free parenting classes. peace13 Sep 2014 #86

Our parents always grounded us to our rooms notadmblnd Sep 2014 #87

it all starts with you librechik Sep 2014 #88

Taking away privileges in the middle of a screaming fit is unlikely to work because winter is coming Sep 2014 #89

Thank you all for the advice. It helps peabody Sep 2014 #90

My original response has a know-it-all tone and I want to apologize for that. I'm wishing you Brickbat Sep 2014 #91

If I had to recommend a "parenting manual" to anyone, it'd probably be that Parent Survival Training moriah Sep 2014 #93

Another book suggestion gollygee Sep 2014 #94

Does your local municipality have one of these? Glassunion Sep 2014 #95

Pick her up carry her to her room GitRDun Sep 2014 #96

MOST if not all of these solutions STILL.. STILL require something "physical" to happen... uponit7771 Sep 2014 #97

Not my solution. I disagree that something physical has to happen. n/t Avalux Sep 2014 #104

I might suggest... jberryhill Sep 2014 #102

Pat on your back tazkcmo Sep 2014 #105

K and R for the reasons you site. thucythucy Sep 2014 #110

That's an extreme reaction. Feral Child Sep 2014 #109

She does get extreme but right now peabody Sep 2014 #113

I understand your position. Feral Child Sep 2014 #114

Please do file in the back of your mind MadrasT Sep 2014 #118

Perhaps this. SoCalDem Sep 2014 #111

You didn't reason logically enough customerserviceguy Sep 2014 #121

First, I don't have kids TorchTheWitch Sep 2014 #122

brave post marym625 Sep 2014 #123

You should have done this U4ikLefty Sep 2014 #124

Parenting isn't easy Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #125

What should you do? Let your kids play minecraft sometimes. No, Seriously. Warren DeMontague Sep 2014 #127

LOL gollygee Sep 2014 #129

Totally. Warren DeMontague Sep 2014 #131

My kids don't watch TV either gollygee Sep 2014 #132

Except now my kids flip out Codeine Sep 2014 #139

Have a friend ready on such occasions Shankapotomus Sep 2014 #128

It sounds like you need to take back control of your own home first. avebury Sep 2014 #133

call... boston bean Sep 2014 #138