General Discussion

laundry_queen

(8,646 posts)

136. Yeah, that stood out to me too.

Wed Sep 17, 2014, 07:33 AM

Sep 2014

I understand - I did have a 7 year old that started having really horrid tantrums during my divorce because of all the upheaval. When she wouldn't go, I just picked her up and took her. Sometimes she was kicking and screaming when I did it, but I never did it so she was hurt. I just picked her up. It helps I'm pretty strong, I can see that being difficult with a larger 8 year old, but another option if the child won't go is a removal of a privilege. "I asked you to go to your room to calm down and you didn't go. So now there will be no tv/ipod/video games/etc this week. If you calm down right now and go to your room immediately, I may rethink that decision."

As you say, a child doesn't normally NOT go unless they've been indulged before and know they can get away with it. My one child out of 4 was the only one who ever refused and I carried her there. It only took that happening a few times. She goes now (well, she doesn't tantrum anymore either, because I got her some counselling b/c of the divorce).

Click here to purchase valentine hearts!

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

141 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

Okay, no spanking. I get that but what's this dad suppose to do? [View all] peabody Sep 2014 OP

It's not an easy situation. HuckleB Sep 2014 #1

Hitting your child isn't going to make things better. Warren Stupidity Sep 2014 #2

But what could I have done? peabody Sep 2014 #5

The not-spanking seems like an important piece of the puzzle. Orsino Sep 2014 #50

Tasers, Mace (Police approved)? How about a big game tranq rifle? Katashi_itto Sep 2014 #141

What would you have done if you were in my situation? peabody Sep 2014 #11

I don't know what I would have done, I know what I would not have done. Warren Stupidity Sep 2014 #78

Move the coffee table. mercuryblues Sep 2014 #100

That's the magic bullet right there Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #126

BINGO laundry_queen Sep 2014 #135

So, what's the solution? nt ChisolmTrailDem Sep 2014 #24

She "refused" to go to her room? hlthe2b Sep 2014 #3

I'm totally in agreement with you. dballance Sep 2014 #106

Yeah, that stood out to me too. laundry_queen Sep 2014 #136

consistency is critical elehhhhna Sep 2014 #4

My wife always say's that.... Koch Ebola Sep 2014 #6

Yes, my wife and I are peabody Sep 2014 #10

If she wouldn't go to her room voluntarily, B2G Sep 2014 #7

Same here. Any screaming = no tv for 2 hours (young kids don't have a good idea of time FSogol Sep 2014 #12

I agree... Making a child take responsibility for their own behavior by apologizing to the neighbor hlthe2b Sep 2014 #17

And it she didn't stay, B2G Sep 2014 #20

My Mom would paddle me and my sister, but I never did that to my sons. (or had to) FSogol Sep 2014 #21

As I stated in another thread, B2G Sep 2014 #27

I wasn't commenting on you personally with my comments. It is more of an FSogol Sep 2014 #29

That is the answer.. Oktober Sep 2014 #31

My father use to hit me pretty hard when he peabody Sep 2014 #52

"I vowed never to treat my kids that way" Awesome. FSogol Sep 2014 #54

OK. You probably won't like this, but it sounds like cali Sep 2014 #8

This sound like a good idea peabody Sep 2014 #14

striking a child is what you wish to avoid. cali Sep 2014 #25

My family always ate together cwydro Sep 2014 #140

I don't have kids myself, mythology Sep 2014 #9

There's something you didn't mention trying. pnwmom Sep 2014 #13

Humm, I'll try that next time. peabody Sep 2014 #22

This might help: abelenkpe Sep 2014 #36

"How to Talk so Kids Will Listen" is the book my sisters and I used when our kids were young. SalviaBlue Sep 2014 #115

I used the whisper routine enlightenment Sep 2014 #39

Great post, enlightenment. And you're right that this kind of response can take a long time, pnwmom Sep 2014 #46

I was lucky to have parents enlightenment Sep 2014 #60

Your parents were very unusual for their generation. You were lucky. And so were your children. n/t pnwmom Sep 2014 #62

They were, and I was - and the kid turned out okay, too! Thanks. :) n/t enlightenment Sep 2014 #65

"okay, are you done now?" SoCalDem Sep 2014 #112

Here's a book about validating that I think you might like. It's short and has plenty of examples. pnwmom Sep 2014 #49

Thank you. peabody Sep 2014 #82

There aren't easy answers. LiberalAndProud Sep 2014 #15

that's a beautiful story. cali Sep 2014 #26

material at the link is very good treestar Sep 2014 #53

That's the kind of dad I tried to be. hunter Sep 2014 #98

I know that growing up LiberalAndProud Sep 2014 #99

Just a suggestion, but... pipi_k Sep 2014 #16

Tsst! Lol! beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #44

Hahahaha!!! pipi_k Sep 2014 #59

Oh you definitely have to see it then. beam me up scottie Sep 2014 #72

I want to add to your post by saying SheilaT Sep 2014 #101

Well, you could start by turning off the tv TexasMommaWithAHat Sep 2014 #18

That's what we're trying to do right now peabody Sep 2014 #28

Two things to share with you: phylny Sep 2014 #119

my question would be, why the hell is an 8 yr old behaving like this? seabeyond Sep 2014 #19

even the best kids have their bad days, or at least their bad moments. unblock Sep 2014 #34

we are talking 8. words work. not two. i do not agree. seabeyond Sep 2014 #35

sounds great, but it doesn't always work that way. unblock Sep 2014 #43

Every kid is different, seaybeyond. I had a niece who was a screamer -- even at that age -- pnwmom Sep 2014 #55

Agree with this Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #130

Yeah. I had some pretty good boundaries and they worked really great on 3 out of my 4 kids. Arkansas Granny Sep 2014 #69

That's what I would look for. Kid could be in some kind of pain but Cleita Sep 2014 #76

If the child had emotional problems or was on the autism spectrum MadrasT Sep 2014 #116

i totally agree. seabeyond Sep 2014 #117

How much sugar are your kids having? iscooterliberally Sep 2014 #23

"let's have a good scream: 1-2-3 AAARRRGGGHHH!" unblock Sep 2014 #30

Interesting idea! peabody Sep 2014 #38

i didn't think of it as humor at first, not until he started laughing. unblock Sep 2014 #45

My grandfather did something similar. shrike Sep 2014 #77

I've been known to use the old: Tsiyu Sep 2014 #134

You monster.. Oktober Sep 2014 #32

Take away her audience - TBF Sep 2014 #33

Through the ordeal, I was taking away privileges. peabody Sep 2014 #42

My youngest is the one who would TBF Sep 2014 #92

To my eyes, your incident last night is the result of a lot of small bad decisions over the years. Brickbat Sep 2014 #37

She sounds like my kindergartener. I try to distract her and it sometimes works. I would like to jwirr Sep 2014 #40

I sent this book to my daughter. I think it's one of the best for this topic. pnwmom Sep 2014 #66

You could try a kneeling or seated cradle assist. Sheldon Cooper Sep 2014 #41

Many good suggestions on this thread. Ilsa Sep 2014 #47

lots of good suggestions here--and I wouldn't rule out filming or threatening to film it zazen Sep 2014 #48

First thing you do - put yourself in time out until you calm down. Avalux Sep 2014 #51

Thank you. It took all I had just peabody Sep 2014 #57

You're welcome! Avalux Sep 2014 #64

Oh man, peabody Sep 2014 #73

It's not easy! Avalux Sep 2014 #103

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #56

Why? Do you think we are all horrible parents? Avalux Sep 2014 #58

Actually, the advice peabody Sep 2014 #63

Getting a monkey to throw darts at a board is also a method. BKH70041 Sep 2014 #67

So you disagree with phil89 Sep 2014 #70

LOL. Somebody has a sad. My theory: He had Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson on his fantasy team. FSogol Sep 2014 #79

Slam! tazkcmo Sep 2014 #107

Post removed Post removed Sep 2014 #137

DU will just pretend this never happens LittleBlue Sep 2014 #61

And when the do call CPS tazkcmo Sep 2014 #108

Make a chart of when you kids act up like this. JoePhilly Sep 2014 #68

When the kid gets old enough shenmue Sep 2014 #71

My tried and true mercuryblues Sep 2014 #120

Children do not know limits. kentuck Sep 2014 #74

This takes more questions before giving advice. nolabear Sep 2014 #75

The neighbor has every right to complain! yeoman6987 Sep 2014 #80

Not a parent, but physical force can be used without spanking. moriah Sep 2014 #81

That is a tough one. I go with firmness and removal. riqster Sep 2014 #83

I have a few thoughts gollygee Sep 2014 #84

My Mom used fear as a tactic... kentuck Sep 2014 #85

Check with your local agencies for free parenting classes. peace13 Sep 2014 #86

Our parents always grounded us to our rooms notadmblnd Sep 2014 #87

it all starts with you librechik Sep 2014 #88

Taking away privileges in the middle of a screaming fit is unlikely to work because winter is coming Sep 2014 #89

Thank you all for the advice. It helps peabody Sep 2014 #90

My original response has a know-it-all tone and I want to apologize for that. I'm wishing you Brickbat Sep 2014 #91

If I had to recommend a "parenting manual" to anyone, it'd probably be that Parent Survival Training moriah Sep 2014 #93

Another book suggestion gollygee Sep 2014 #94

Does your local municipality have one of these? Glassunion Sep 2014 #95

Pick her up carry her to her room GitRDun Sep 2014 #96

MOST if not all of these solutions STILL.. STILL require something "physical" to happen... uponit7771 Sep 2014 #97

Not my solution. I disagree that something physical has to happen. n/t Avalux Sep 2014 #104

I might suggest... jberryhill Sep 2014 #102

Pat on your back tazkcmo Sep 2014 #105

K and R for the reasons you site. thucythucy Sep 2014 #110

That's an extreme reaction. Feral Child Sep 2014 #109

She does get extreme but right now peabody Sep 2014 #113

I understand your position. Feral Child Sep 2014 #114

Please do file in the back of your mind MadrasT Sep 2014 #118

Perhaps this. SoCalDem Sep 2014 #111

You didn't reason logically enough customerserviceguy Sep 2014 #121

First, I don't have kids TorchTheWitch Sep 2014 #122

brave post marym625 Sep 2014 #123

You should have done this U4ikLefty Sep 2014 #124

Parenting isn't easy Dorian Gray Sep 2014 #125

What should you do? Let your kids play minecraft sometimes. No, Seriously. Warren DeMontague Sep 2014 #127

LOL gollygee Sep 2014 #129

Totally. Warren DeMontague Sep 2014 #131

My kids don't watch TV either gollygee Sep 2014 #132

Except now my kids flip out Codeine Sep 2014 #139

Have a friend ready on such occasions Shankapotomus Sep 2014 #128

It sounds like you need to take back control of your own home first. avebury Sep 2014 #133

call... boston bean Sep 2014 #138