General Discussion

One_Life_To_Give

(6,036 posts)

277. when they experience it with their own eye's & ears

Wed Oct 29, 2014, 05:20 PM

Oct 2014

I think for most guys it is a matter of our personal experience not revealing the frequency of the harassment. The average guy who doesn't perpetrate such behavior would observe only a fraction of the harassment. What is once every 6 minutes for a woman might be only once a day or less for a man to observe.

Interestingly men also view this as a situation where women hold the power. While the woman is fearful herself, guys mistake the situation for their groveling for the attention of some powerful woman. Those feeling so a probably not doing the harassing anyway. But likely to see the harasser as someone who is more of a ladies man than they themselves are. Which makes them wish to be more like the harasser. Except they don't realize it is harassment.

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100 catcalls in a day. Experience how much fun this is NOT. [View all] pnwmom Oct 2014 OP

Here's the video. It's just horrible. Nye Bevan Oct 2014 #1

The shitty comments at the end of the article remind me of the people who are always MerryBlooms Oct 2014 #2

Familiar oldtime dfl_er Oct 2014 #3

It is and they are pigs. I hate to say it but they are. JanMichael Oct 2014 #4

Lived in NYC all my life. This was a daily experience for me. Happyhippychick Oct 2014 #5

As a NYC female resident I can attest to this... JaneyVee Oct 2014 #6

Post removed Post removed Oct 2014 #7

That is saddening and unacceptable. topological Oct 2014 #8

Just imagine how many catcalls she woukd get if she were a model. Jenoch Oct 2014 #9

Maybe you cool dudes should educate your fellow men and boys geek tragedy Oct 2014 #10

it is a way for men and even boys, to put us in our place. but, they want us to pretend it is a seabeyond Oct 2014 #11

Message auto-removed Name removed Oct 2014 #12

we? you are here for three hours and already became a we? and let us know we are wasting our time, seabeyond Oct 2014 #13

Terrible, overall men are much worse than women. nt Logical Oct 2014 #14

Are you arguing men are incapable of learning and geek tragedy Oct 2014 #15

cant imagine it would be much different. and so many women are expected too LOOK mopinko Oct 2014 #16

Message auto-removed Name removed Oct 2014 #17

Not materially more. Maybe less. geek tragedy Oct 2014 #18

It's not just NY. LWolf Oct 2014 #19

10, 11 yr old niece in a modest two piece out in front yard playing in sprinklers. seabeyond Oct 2014 #20

^This^ Le Taz Hot Oct 2014 #21

but, we own these words, ya know. they are non gender, really. nt seabeyond Oct 2014 #22

it has nothing to do with attraction, just as rape is not about sex. it is control, dominance, seabeyond Oct 2014 #23

it has gotten worse. our boys are raised on porn and society, media uses women to entertain seabeyond Oct 2014 #24

Welcome to DU, topological! n/t pnwmom Oct 2014 #25

Thanks for everyone who is getting it. It's not a compliment. Anything but. pnwmom Oct 2014 #26

It doesn't matter what you look like chowder66 Oct 2014 #27

I can't watch this... liberalmuse Oct 2014 #28

So much stupidity in such a short walk. DeSwiss Oct 2014 #29

I remember the sense of shame, too. We need to educate our daughters that it isn't their fault. pnwmom Oct 2014 #30

I started getting it from my classmates in 6th grade. amandabeech Oct 2014 #31

Yes! They have this sense that it is their right to judge. Even if they're not thinking pnwmom Oct 2014 #32

See my post above. Started in 6th grade. n/t amandabeech Oct 2014 #33

"unbiased" look my ass armed_and_liberal Oct 2014 #34

Men, mostly, are pigs RobertEarl Oct 2014 #35

I remember being very scared on the way to a babysitting job in my little town, pnwmom Oct 2014 #36

would you like the women on this site to start telling you our stories? cause for a man seabeyond Oct 2014 #37

Advertising does it so much also. nt Logical Oct 2014 #38

I've lost a few friends doing that. seabeyond Oct 2014 #39

What are you talking about? There were plenty of men who are just as white as she is pnwmom Oct 2014 #40

There was a count the end. 100 incidents in 10 hours. Iris Oct 2014 #41

And just what exactly do you think that message is? Sheldon Cooper Oct 2014 #42

message? handmade34 Oct 2014 #43

It's evident that you are not female. Le Taz Hot Oct 2014 #44

Durn... chervilant Oct 2014 #45

We can start with my mother's story armed_and_liberal Oct 2014 #46

my son is a runner also. he gets the inevitable fat middle age man calling him seabeyond Oct 2014 #47

Nice dodge folks armed_and_liberal Oct 2014 #48

It's beyond me to understand. amandabeech Oct 2014 #49

ok. and it sure sounded like it, per all the responses you got. i will take you at seabeyond Oct 2014 #50

Man they're bold on the East Coast, aren't they? Jamaal510 Oct 2014 #51

k and r niyad Oct 2014 #52

Not all catcalls Chico Man Oct 2014 #53

I've never done that kind of crap. Didn't see any point to it. My Australian mother... BlueJazz Oct 2014 #54

Nice dodge, aal, Le Taz Hot Oct 2014 #55

Uh, actually, no, it is not OK Le Taz Hot Oct 2014 #56

Need a little cheese to go with that chervilant Oct 2014 #57

smile taz, you are so much prettier. seabeyond Oct 2014 #58

I think it's trying to portray Le Taz Hot Oct 2014 #59

That was ugly sheshe2 Oct 2014 #60

Your profile says you like to "check out chicks" zappaman Oct 2014 #61

IME, it doesn't matter how she looks. Brickbat Oct 2014 #62

I think it's a great idea, but does anyone know zappaman Oct 2014 #63

Goddess, I used to hate that! Le Taz Hot Oct 2014 #64

You've got it all wrong. Nye Bevan Oct 2014 #65

Ugh. progressoid Oct 2014 #66

Yeah, I wondered why they did that. Nye Bevan Oct 2014 #67

They can't. Brickbat Oct 2014 #68

I might have acted that way when I was 14-15. Maybe, although I can't remember now. But KingCharlemagne Oct 2014 #69

I posted this on facebook. cwydro Oct 2014 #70

The actress received rape threats because of this work. Brickbat Oct 2014 #71

That is really eye-opening. Gets the point across. morningfog Oct 2014 #72

Yep, always feels like some (not so subtle) form of agression and domination to me freeplessinseattle Oct 2014 #73

That's probably the worst! Cat calls or honking when running. glowing Oct 2014 #74

There are plenty of men in that video who are just as white as she is. pnwmom Oct 2014 #75

It's weird. I had many brilliant professors but the most brilliant of all of them was a woman. I've KingCharlemagne Oct 2014 #76

Your mother taught you well. I'm sorry you lost her! n/t pnwmom Oct 2014 #77

You're welcome, sheshe2. I'm glad they made it, though it brought back a lot of unwelcome memories. pnwmom Oct 2014 #78

Which proves the point, doesn't it? This is all about aggression. n/t pnwmom Oct 2014 #79

and you are probably one i would chat up at the grocery store. seabeyond Oct 2014 #80

Thank you, amandabeech. And I'm sorry you went through what you did. pnwmom Oct 2014 #81

K and R. nt cwydro Oct 2014 #82

get over yourself. Puzzledtraveller Oct 2014 #83

When will guys believe it? Brickbat Oct 2014 #84

Thank you pnwmom. I appreciate your kind words. BlueJazz Oct 2014 #85

Post removed Post removed Oct 2014 #86

No, I don't think you are disgusted by the harassment as much as anyone else. Demit Oct 2014 #87

Are you a woman? I doubt that you know them as well as you think you do. pnwmom Oct 2014 #88

We're trying to deal with obnoxious assholes right here. Demit Oct 2014 #89

What are you objecting to? nt pnwmom Oct 2014 #90

I agree. Maybe they were afraid someone would sue them if they didn't. nt pnwmom Oct 2014 #91

oops Kali Oct 2014 #92

Thank you!!! amandabeech Oct 2014 #93

+1. point. nt seabeyond Oct 2014 #94

Well, there's "talking" and then there's "talking." Brickbat Oct 2014 #95

+1 KentuckyWoman Oct 2014 #96

This message was self-deleted by its author guyton Oct 2014 #97

Accosted? By what - talking? LTR Oct 2014 #98

both of them? Kali Oct 2014 #99

Eek! Some idiot with bad social skills talked to me! LTR Oct 2014 #100

at the least it is fucking tiresome Kali Oct 2014 #101

Family jalan48 Oct 2014 #102

from their website shaayecanaan Oct 2014 #103

Post removed Post removed Oct 2014 #104

I totally disagree with you. KentuckyWoman Oct 2014 #105

Calling out to women on the street whom you don't know is not "talking." Demit Oct 2014 #106

Can you not figure out why no girl or woman wants to deal with 10 obnoxious assholes PER HOUR??? pnwmom Oct 2014 #107

so-called harassment? Kali Oct 2014 #108

Welcome to DU, jalan48! pnwmom Oct 2014 #109

Seems like most of the abusers were black. VScott Oct 2014 #110

You don't think what this woman went through was harassment? You don't think she felt harassed pnwmom Oct 2014 #111

Didn't seem that way to me, and I watched it again from the beginning. pnwmom Oct 2014 #112

No.It is not okay to say hi and give a small compliment. Not unless you've made eye contact and Luminous Animal Oct 2014 #113

!! Number23 Oct 2014 #114

Post removed Post removed Oct 2014 #115

News flash: She's an actress LTR Oct 2014 #116

you used the term Kali Oct 2014 #117

Ahhh yes, reminded of the old axiom Iwillnevergiveup Oct 2014 #118

Flash: she's a woman. Listen to the women responding here. We've all been through it, pnwmom Oct 2014 #119

Right, but zappaman Oct 2014 #120

Yes, I said "so-called harassment" LTR Oct 2014 #121

So Jamaal510 Oct 2014 #122

so-called implies not real Kali Oct 2014 #123

Yes, a normal cross section of NYC guys of every color VScott Oct 2014 #124

Crystal. N/t zappaman Oct 2014 #125

your rancid, ugly victim-baming is duly noted. geek tragedy Oct 2014 #126

I check them out RobertEarl Oct 2014 #127

You get ltd, all the way thru your sub thread you adamantly stand with and defend bullies. seabeyond Oct 2014 #128

Wow. Jenoch Oct 2014 #129

Less than 45% of the population of NYC is white. pnwmom Oct 2014 #130

Yes. Think about it. This woman was being talked to about every six minutes by strange men. pnwmom Oct 2014 #131

It's possible that there's less of it in Minnesota. I noticed there was less of it in Seattle pnwmom Oct 2014 #132

We just don't want our space taken up by obnoxious assholes. Luminous Animal Oct 2014 #133

+ a million. nt laundry_queen Oct 2014 #134

I renember several years ago Jenoch Oct 2014 #135

It's a larger part of our culture laundry_queen Oct 2014 #136

Well, if I heard a man call out Herman, I would have figured he was talking to some guy named Herman pnwmom Oct 2014 #137

The comments section is a nuclear cesspool. chrisa Oct 2014 #138

The difference - this is not "talking" - this is harassment. chrisa Oct 2014 #139

I'm proud of DU, though. The vast majority get it. n/t pnwmom Oct 2014 #140

Don't you ever take walks where you are occupied with your thoughts? pnwmom Oct 2014 #141

Do you really appreciate constant interruptions when you're trying to think? pnwmom Oct 2014 #142

Sidewalks are not singles bars during happy hour. betsuni Oct 2014 #143

By the time I saw this on Tumblr it was already posted here MrScorpio Oct 2014 #144

Thanks, MrScorpio. The reactions here tell me we're making progress pnwmom Oct 2014 #145

Misandry!! MerryBlooms Oct 2014 #146

To a stranger just passing you on the street? Le Taz Hot Oct 2014 #147

This is probably not the site for that IronLionZion Oct 2014 #148

Nature has given you a great gift to behold. boston bean Oct 2014 #149

Is that what you get out of women's comments here? Brickbat Oct 2014 #150

So women don't check out guys? davidn3600 Oct 2014 #151

I live in Minnesota, and I get them here. Brickbat Oct 2014 #152

Are you a troll or so obtuse you don't even understand what street harassment is? nt raccoon Oct 2014 #153

Yeah, I understand the men and women are attracted to eachother, why would you doubt that? boston bean Oct 2014 #154

Harassed when young; treated as nothings when old. By men who think they're all that but are zeroes. WinkyDink Oct 2014 #155

This is ON THE STREET, with fugly-arse dirtbags. You must know some desperate women. WinkyDink Oct 2014 #156

Stop saying things with "comma but" in them, read up, and exercise the power you have. Brickbat Oct 2014 #157

Good demonstration. WinkyDink Oct 2014 #158

what is the factiual source for your claim that the video was produced in such a way geek tragedy Oct 2014 #159

I shared this on my wall RedCappedBandit Oct 2014 #160

Exactly. If you wouldn't compliment or say hi to a guy in the same way, pnwmom Oct 2014 #161

I'm kind of glad I'm old. alarimer Oct 2014 #162

Do you usually say that to men on the street? Brickbat Oct 2014 #163

Well, if strangers were demanding that you smile on command, pnwmom Oct 2014 #164

WOW Mr Dixon Oct 2014 #165

Girl should grow up! Cat calls are as American as apple pie! ReverendDeuce Oct 2014 #166

What if you were walking down the street, thinking something over, pnwmom Oct 2014 #167

Exactly. Why not say that to men if a guy is just being friendly? betsuni Oct 2014 #168

Do you usually say hello to men on the street? Brickbat Oct 2014 #169

She wasn't wearing a sign saying she was an actress OnlinePoker Oct 2014 #170

Actually, I say hello and good morning to most men and women I meet as I walk. OnlinePoker Oct 2014 #171

You make them uncomfortable by "checking them out." MineralMan Oct 2014 #172

Men that ogle women are probably just out of other options The2ndWheel Oct 2014 #173

My ex went to NYC for a week GummyBearz Oct 2014 #174

Have you checked out radiation lady lately? snooper2 Oct 2014 #175

Yes, it's inappropriate. Think about it. MineralMan Oct 2014 #176

if it's the hello they would give other men, then it's harmless geek tragedy Oct 2014 #177

?????? Mr Dixon Oct 2014 #178

There was a similar video posted a few months back NewJeffCT Oct 2014 #179

I'm in NYC, where the video is filmed. RedCappedBandit Oct 2014 #180

"Women could probably be trained quite easily to see men first as sexual things... JTFrog Oct 2014 #181

One means, by advertising the behavior for what it is... LanternWaste Oct 2014 #182

this is excellent. needs to be OP. instead we are told a lifetime, mans body is not attractive, no seabeyond Oct 2014 #183

Have posters become so thick-skulled they we can no longer understand... LanternWaste Oct 2014 #184

I'll bet most DU women have untold stories not just of verbal harassment, but of groping & grabbing Arugula Latte Oct 2014 #185

lol. got an eye roll from me. sigh... nt seabeyond Oct 2014 #186

I have never seen anything like that before here in Portland. dilby Oct 2014 #187

I would not UglyGreed Oct 2014 #188

i talk to people out and about ALL the time. and we know the difference. we all do. this is not a seabeyond Oct 2014 #189

and again, we all know the difference. my eyes, when i was young out and about. some middle aged seabeyond Oct 2014 #190

as do i. and started about 12. or 12 when i was old enough to recognize it. being a fuckin kid seabeyond Oct 2014 #191

but, you do think it cool to say a hi and compliment. wasnt that you? seabeyond Oct 2014 #192

Yep. Arugula Latte Oct 2014 #193

and mine was a hand between my leg, from behind, pushing up my vagina. line of school cafeteria. seabeyond Oct 2014 #194

No, I see no reason to talk to some random stranger on the street ever. dilby Oct 2014 #195

hm. that sounds more consistent with you. i am glad i asked. ?'s are good. seabeyond Oct 2014 #196

I think she summed it up pretty well there. JTFrog Oct 2014 #197

I am not superficial so I place very little value on physical appearance. dilby Oct 2014 #198

you are my people. i hope we end up sittin on a bench in a fun place, and can chat about.... seabeyond Oct 2014 #199

Well if you are ever in Portland you can hit me up. dilby Oct 2014 #200

I don't even want to watch.. PasadenaTrudy Oct 2014 #201

Portland is much more civilized.. PasadenaTrudy Oct 2014 #202

Are you male or female? Brickbat Oct 2014 #203

You are correct RobertEarl Oct 2014 #204

Or even if you smile at someone treestar Oct 2014 #205

I noticed that treestar Oct 2014 #206

Male. dilby Oct 2014 #207

become more overtly sexualized with the rise of cable TV and the Internet. seabeyond Oct 2014 #208

Ugh. Disgusting. hifiguy Oct 2014 #209

Look at her face! She didn't show the slightest bit of interest in having any contact pnwmom Oct 2014 #210

Some of the comments at the link are disgusting. valerief Oct 2014 #211

Oh, NO, they'd beat the hell out of anyone doing it to THEIR sister!! 7962 Oct 2014 #212

A starfish melts every time you "check out a chick" Orrex Oct 2014 #213

I have mercuryblues Oct 2014 #214

I want to apologize RobertEarl Oct 2014 #215

I love it here as well. dilby Oct 2014 #216

We are taking issue with your stated hobby Orrex Oct 2014 #217

"men and women are physically attracted to each other"? So? alp227 Oct 2014 #218

Talking about me RobertEarl Oct 2014 #219

Not really. Orrex Oct 2014 #220

IOW, #NotAllMen nt alp227 Oct 2014 #221

I was just there last month... PasadenaTrudy Oct 2014 #222

Jesus. Arugula Latte Oct 2014 #223

Sellwood is a great neighborhood and lots of stuff to do there. dilby Oct 2014 #224

i did. went to mad. then, i was embarrassed. and shamed, that i reacted so angrily. seabeyond Oct 2014 #225

no one said it was a cataclysmic event treestar Oct 2014 #226

Could've sworn you typed "continuous asses." Orrex Oct 2014 #227

fun fun. seabeyond Oct 2014 #228

lmfao. ya. that would work too. lol. cute. nt seabeyond Oct 2014 #229

I like Eugene but the job market is lacking since it's a college town. dilby Oct 2014 #230

I see the conversation that has ensued after this post. NCTraveler Oct 2014 #231

Ewwww, you went straight for the "conceited" gambit- which shows your resentment of women who are bettyellen Oct 2014 #232

Short and to the point. nt. NCTraveler Oct 2014 #233

Good job in removing your "check out chicks" line in your DU profile. MineralMan Oct 2014 #234

I wish on you ten such idiots, for every hour you walk the streets, every day.... Moonwalk Oct 2014 #235

As I mentioned GummyBearz Oct 2014 #236

So I should never initiate a conversation. Ever. cherokeeprogressive Oct 2014 #237

Careful--he might send you a nutty PM to tell you how important he is. (nt) Orrex Oct 2014 #238

You get nutty PM's too? zappaman Oct 2014 #239

As if that is abnormal... AgingAmerican Oct 2014 #240

When I was growing up that was called basic manners. hifiguy Oct 2014 #241

yes. stage left Oct 2014 #242

Abbie? zappaman Oct 2014 #243

Jury results edhopper Oct 2014 #244

re: "There's never debate, nuance, or gray area with sexual harrassment. Zero." thesquanderer Oct 2014 #245

Since I receive very, very few DU Mails, I'd MineralMan Oct 2014 #246

From Miss Manners to those who think a woman is rude to not respond to lewd strangers Dollface Oct 2014 #247

with the guy that was there for 5+ minutes NewJeffCT Oct 2014 #248

LOL. Well said, Miss Manners, and the young lady. n/t pnwmom Oct 2014 #249

I think it was more powerful that she didn't. We all got to see how long he persisted, pnwmom Oct 2014 #250

yes, that did make it more powerful NewJeffCT Oct 2014 #251

Clueless. CrispyQ Oct 2014 #252

K&R nt stage left Oct 2014 #253

Who stands with and validates Bullies? stage left Oct 2014 #254

wink... just sayin'. nt seabeyond Oct 2014 #255

No you should not initiate conversations. Luminous Animal Oct 2014 #256

In this small experiment Mexico City & San Francisco were the leaders jakeXT Oct 2014 #257

That was the best benefit of getting older arikara Oct 2014 #258

Not any more. uppityperson Oct 2014 #259

And what about all the men in the video who didn't cat call? tinrobot Oct 2014 #260

Very much so. It is nice to not have to hear that crap. Yeah, I am...old! If only I'd lose 20 years uppityperson Oct 2014 #261

It can be, and it can be like that "I say potato, you say potato" thing. Hello vs Heellllooooo uppityperson Oct 2014 #262

Yes, that is what we are all saying. Never talk to someone whose job it to talk with you. uppityperson Oct 2014 #263

Is this a NOT ALL men, post? Ya. We ALL know it is not all men. We have brothers, husbands, seabeyond Oct 2014 #264

He changed it. zappaman Oct 2014 #265

"hellllllloooo" arikara Oct 2014 #266

Just because the majority don't engage in this behavior in this video zappaman Oct 2014 #267

3 hides on this thread, flagged for review. uppityperson Oct 2014 #268

. Brickbat Oct 2014 #269

Are they supposed to get an award? Do women get awards for just doing pnwmom Oct 2014 #270

I've lived it but I talk back Skittles Oct 2014 #271

the only time men really get it is when they have daughters Skittles Oct 2014 #272

I don't get it anymore PasadenaTrudy Oct 2014 #273

aw I do Skittles Oct 2014 #274

Men are expected in our society to be confident, make the first move, and go get the girl you want davidn3600 Oct 2014 #275

"was probably a great lesson for him" F4lconF16 Oct 2014 #276

when they experience it with their own eye's & ears One_Life_To_Give Oct 2014 #277

Very few women want or expect strange men to approach them on the street. pnwmom Oct 2014 #278

So, ignoring or a face clearly letting you know she hates this shit and you seabeyond Oct 2014 #282

Something is really wonky with this thread arikara Oct 2014 #284

Any of which would have been richly deserved by that creep. hifiguy Oct 2014 #281

re: "There's never debate, nuance, or gray area with sexual harrassment. Zero." thesquanderer Oct 2014 #287

I know. hifiguy Oct 2014 #280

Great call! marym625 Oct 2014 #288

. Separation Oct 2014 #283

So? That does't mean there was deceptive editing. n/t pnwmom Nov 2014 #290

its about social economic class... formernaderite Nov 2014 #289

Blaming it on porn is, I think, simplistic . . . markpkessinger Oct 2014 #279

Kicking to see if this works, all the replies and recs are gone. freshwest Oct 2014 #285

Time to watch "Oppressed Majority" again. betsuni Oct 2014 #286