I work with teens Michael Brown's age and the number one rule is

[PsychGrad]

135. I don't think it's far fetched

to believe that the second time that Wilson used his vehicle to cut off Mike and his friend, that Wilson possibly grabbed his gun to begin to "control" the two young men since they were refusing to walk on the sidewalk. If that happened to me, my survival instinct would result in me trying to push the gun away from being pointed at me and I would have no problem reaching into the cop car to do so if a cop was trying to shoot me for walking in the street and not getting on the sidewalk. I am a white woman, but as a teenager, I walked down the middle of the street daily and nightly with a gang of friends. I was belligerent with police officers. I refused their orders bc I was young and rebellious and stubborn. Not once did a police officer ever use their vehicle to to cut into my physical space, or pull a gun on me, or obviously, shoot me multiple times. I shoplifted regularly as a poor kid, stealing things of the same value as cigarillos - I mouthed off to shop owners and workers. And I'm here, never having had any incident with a police officer attempting to take my life for my stupid teenaged antics. I was raised in a good family, strong work ethic, but we were poor - and I wanted things I couldn't afford, so I got them. I was an honor student but mouthy.

I now work with teenagers, and guess what? They are all pretty similar to me when I was a kid. Mouthy, obnoxious, rebellious - trying to assert themselves in that weird "not a kid anymore but not quite an adult yet" world. They can be at times child like and yet other times work too hard at trying to look like adults that can handle anything. It's called, searching for autonomy. It's a very normal and very healthy process of maturation into adulthood. Most make it through that period, except young black men - who tend to not nearly as often as their white counterparts.

I honestly think that Wilson cut them off twice (his testimony) with his vehicle - which to me, is pretty damn threatening, especially for just walking in the street. I think that when the two young men refused to do "as they were told" that Wilson began to posture with his gun, I would guess he made verbal threats too (not in his testimony - in his testimony he was very polite and practically whiny begging them to just walk on the sidewalk so that he didn't have to kill them). And I believe that Mike Brown was in fear for HIS life and reached into the car to push the loaded gun away that was being pointed at him or that he was being verbally threatened with - as I think MOST people would do if threatened in that manner. I think that Wilson then realized he had made a mistake as he was being overtaken (think George Zimmerman getting his ass handed to him by a 17 year old and freaking out) and had bitten off more than he could chew. So, he used deadly force. I think he then got out and chased down an already bleeding profusely Mike Brown to finish it off. I think Wilson was in a state of panic, anger, and dare I say it, livid that a young black man was being "uppity" and not walking where Wilson told him he had to walk.

I am heartsick over this whole situation. I'm heartsick that people are attempting to justify this murder by trying to turn Mike Brown into anything more than he was - a rebellious and stubborn teenager pushing back against the "you're not a man yet" bullshit that all kids at that age struggle with.