General Discussion

bettyellen

(47,209 posts)

92. it seems sometimes there are micro cultures that take hold due to one or two people....

Wed Jan 14, 2015, 05:07 PM

Jan 2015

Years ago, when I started at this company there were mostly male managers. Our division manager- while nice enough- had a "pet hire" who had no experience at all and was very loud and coarse, making loads of gross misogynistic comments all day long. He was a huge suck up, so he'd immediately position himself as BFF to whoever the new manager was. He got sloppy, and started directing the comments to a female coworker who was more experienced and a much better employee. She asked around if people thought it was okay the way she was being spoken to, and no one was okay with it. Our manager did nothing when it was brought to her- he was her pet. Weeks later, we were treated to some really loud, gross and hateful stuff, and our manager was the only person laughing along. She noticed others were really bothered. I said I hoped the wrong person wouldn't walk in and overhear something like that.... That made her reassess the situation. He STFU after his boss realized she could suffer for tolerating it. Overnight the vibe changed, and Mr Silly stopped setting the tone. It will sound trivial to loads of people, but it made a huge difference. Constant disrespect wears on your morale.

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Why Women Stay Quiet at Work [View all] Liberal_in_LA Jan 2015 OP

And, you cannot be smarter chervilant Jan 2015 #1

it's the old story Skittles Jan 2015 #11

C'est moi. IdaBriggs Jan 2015 #23

Ball buster. leftyladyfrommo Jan 2015 #33

I've been called that chervilant Jan 2015 #61

Are you saying that you've never become friends with a man, Flatulo Jan 2015 #126

I really am puzzled by your take on my post. chervilant Jan 2015 #132

Thanks for clarifying that. I'd frankly be surprised if Flatulo Jan 2015 #136

Was told "you have a high opinion of your opinion" spooky3 Jan 2015 #44

We had a perfect example of this right here on DU.... VanillaRhapsody Jan 2015 #2

I was on a short break then but there was a Facebook hubub I was in on. PeaceNikki Jan 2015 #4

Yep....heads were exploding....meanwhile we women were just saying "welcome to our world"! VanillaRhapsody Jan 2015 #5

Yup, and that's how it went on FB, too. PeaceNikki Jan 2015 #7

White males in America just cannot relate....I try to explain it to them like this... VanillaRhapsody Jan 2015 #9

It's like there are two species of humans. Smaller, nicer ones and larger, parasitic violent ones. tclambert Jan 2015 #13

bwhahahahahaha! VanillaRhapsody Jan 2015 #17

So...which one are you? demwing Jan 2015 #71

I'm definitely the larger parasitic form. tclambert Jan 2015 #83

My grandmother always told my grandfather... VanillaRhapsody Jan 2015 #101

BAM. ^ BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2015 #98

We must be dating the same men!!!! VanillaRhapsody Jan 2015 #100

I'm alone now. I hope I change whatever it is that opens me up to them. BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2015 #104

Me too...exactly the same "thing" for me too.... VanillaRhapsody Jan 2015 #105

well, BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2015 #106

how strange...ME TOO! VanillaRhapsody Jan 2015 #107

ohhhh man!! was your mother BPD? BlancheSplanchnik Jan 2015 #108

I think so....she refused treatment her entire life so there is no known diagnosis VanillaRhapsody Jan 2015 #109

Yes, and have you noticed that nutirents enter and are ground up by one gnawing orifice and Vattel Jan 2015 #134

Many of them are utterly confident in their knowledge of... Triana Jan 2015 #15

You said it! I found that condescension in Technology too... VanillaRhapsody Jan 2015 #16

What is worse is that so many think they need to explain to US what our experience tblue37 Jan 2015 #21

Mansplaining... chervilant Jan 2015 #30

Is it just white men that can't relate? demwing Jan 2015 #73

I see this every.single.day. at my workplace. laundry_queen Jan 2015 #3

My old boss chervilant Jan 2015 #31

How did you address it with him? I've found that you can Flatulo Jan 2015 #110

OMG!! Why didn't I think of that?!? chervilant Jan 2015 #111

I asked because I have seen people tangle with their Flatulo Jan 2015 #113

Or you can speak right over them Aerows Jan 2015 #6

... cwydro Jan 2015 #14

It's the truth Aerows Jan 2015 #19

not projection- a sad reality in the workplace. we all hear the back biting comments assertive bettyellen Jan 2015 #77

It sure as hell isn't easy Aerows Jan 2015 #135

It does pay off. But the point is if you have to make extroidinary efforts bettyellen Jan 2015 #139

I have to admit, as a male, I have not noticed that, but I will say that madinmaryland Jan 2015 #8

I'm in a male dominated industry Aerows Jan 2015 #10

Very true. MissB Jan 2015 #24

Speaking as an old, white, male former boss: you are so right. bemildred Jan 2015 #26

Have you ever noticed the change in the way men walk leftyladyfrommo Jan 2015 #35

They strut and swagger PasadenaTrudy Jan 2015 #66

I see a weird sort of sexism in the martial arts. People discourage women from learning karate tclambert Jan 2015 #12

My friend does loans for people being relocated by their company annm4peace Jan 2015 #18

Even if the positions are offered most women would not go. leftyladyfrommo Jan 2015 #37

Actually, that is an old stereotype. Many women spooky3 Jan 2015 #46

are you kidding me? half my managers families relocated because the wife had a better job. bettyellen Jan 2015 #54

I guess my situation is unusual then NewJeffCT Jan 2015 #84

I relocated 6 times with IBM as a single female household. Always sinkingfeeling Jan 2015 #90

And while everyone at the meeting will see this behavior flamingdem Jan 2015 #20

K&R'd! snot Jan 2015 #22

KnR Pooka Fey Jan 2015 #25

I would say that this is approximately 100% true exactly as described. Orrex Jan 2015 #27

K&R Jamastiene Jan 2015 #28

This is accurate for me. LWolf Jan 2015 #29

I proposed a solution to a problem in a meeting with all male colleagues. CrispyQ Jan 2015 #32

why so shocked? This is just like marriage. n/t librechik Jan 2015 #53

there is a certain kind of lazy bottomfeeding dude who listens- just so he can do just that... bettyellen Jan 2015 #56

i have made statements on du, and attacked harshly by men. a man comes behind me and seabeyond Jan 2015 #59

Not just work either. Starry Messenger Jan 2015 #34

we are having to live a delicate balance. society says, "girls", cause of course we seabeyond Jan 2015 #36

The women I worked for who tried to be part of leftyladyfrommo Jan 2015 #39

yes. nt seabeyond Jan 2015 #45

While, as a woman, I know liberalhistorian Jan 2015 #38

I've had some good women bosses. leftyladyfrommo Jan 2015 #41

I've had male bosses who listen to what I have to say; never had a problem. Avalux Jan 2015 #43

and i have no issues with women bosses, lucky me, as i have no issues with my men bosses. seabeyond Jan 2015 #47

Best & toughest boss I ever had was a woman. CrispyQ Jan 2015 #63

Most of the good bosses I have had have been women. kwassa Jan 2015 #133

My personal experience here RockaFowler Jan 2015 #40

Business period is a man's game. leftyladyfrommo Jan 2015 #42

I agree RockaFowler Jan 2015 #48

Business has to be challenged and legal enforcement must improve. spooky3 Jan 2015 #52

i think we can do both, start our own and challenge within. and i think we are doing both. seabeyond Jan 2015 #58

Sadly, these tendencies were documented 20+ years ago. spooky3 Jan 2015 #49

The all-female press conference thing librechik Jan 2015 #50

I didn't realize that's why he did it. CrispyQ Jan 2015 #127

At my last job, I put a sign on the wall pnwest Jan 2015 #51

I have always loved that sign. niyad Jan 2015 #55

Post removed Post removed Jan 2015 #64

Calling women you worked for b****es is disgusting. nt DLevine Jan 2015 #67

Perhaps so... Doc Holliday Jan 2015 #68

Why not just call them assholes? nt DLevine Jan 2015 #69

if you think gender slurs are "accurate", then you are part of the problem. bettyellen Jan 2015 #74

What the fuck is wrong with you? Brickbat Jan 2015 #75

the movie "9 to 5" has a scene where lily tomlin's character has come up with the idea niyad Jan 2015 #57

Still happening today RockaFowler Jan 2015 #87

so sad is so correct. niyad Jan 2015 #103

where I am now has just as many women in management as it does men, and the difference is striking.. bettyellen Jan 2015 #60

When I worked in a place with that distribution most of the men didn't do that. Gormy Cuss Jan 2015 #62

yeah, previously I'd been the token woman running a deptartment, and had a stellar record bettyellen Jan 2015 #72

Wow, with a full staff of incompetent men about, they must have gone out of business after you left. ant Flatulo Jan 2015 #117

they came close to it, for sure. ironically outsourcing saved their asses....... bettyellen Jan 2015 #118

In My RobinA Jan 2015 #65

I'm only speaking for my personal experiences Blue_Tires Jan 2015 #70

this old white guy just came out of meeting with 18 women. MindPilot Jan 2015 #76

Sounds like you did not actually read the article- or you'd give a breakdown of male/female ratio... bettyellen Jan 2015 #78

18 women and me. MindPilot Jan 2015 #81

Ha ha, I hope you were heard as much as anyone else there. I spent years in that shitty enviorment bettyellen Jan 2015 #86

I've actually found when there were a lot of women NewJeffCT Jan 2015 #88

it seems sometimes there are micro cultures that take hold due to one or two people.... bettyellen Jan 2015 #92

Sounds like a terrible situation NewJeffCT Jan 2015 #114

Mr. Silly was acually angry he had to tone it down, he was used to winding people around his finger bettyellen Jan 2015 #115

I have worked with two men who found out the hard way that CrispyQ Jan 2015 #128

Good article YoungDemCA Jan 2015 #79

I have had so many suggestions I made to male superiors over the years Cleita Jan 2015 #80

This is so true. Before puberty, I was always the first one to talk. McCamy Taylor Jan 2015 #82

My most blatant experience with this happend about 15 years ago. MindPilot Jan 2015 #85

A salute to you, sir! CrispyQ Jan 2015 #129

They never told Irene BubbaFett Jan 2015 #89

Wow, sounds like Irene deserves a raise and change of title, huh? So common to bettyellen Jan 2015 #93

Where did you come up with that? BubbaFett Jan 2015 #94

recpetionists are generally lowest paid in the office, and entry level jobs. bettyellen Jan 2015 #95

so without knowing any detail BubbaFett Jan 2015 #96

YOU made it sound like SHE is running the place. So SHE sounds undervalued if she is a receptionist bettyellen Jan 2015 #97

No BubbaFett Jan 2015 #116

the obvious. the position of receptionist is lowest rung. we all know this. seabeyond Jan 2015 #119

It sounds like you have a chip on your shoulder BubbaFett Jan 2015 #120

this is the waste of time, type of argument i do not waste my time on. seabeyond Jan 2015 #121

Just curious, so I just checked it out up here .... polly7 Jan 2015 #130

Someone with over 99,000 posts has no time to waste. Flatulo Jan 2015 #141

Just FYI... NaturalHigh Jan 2015 #123

no. A LOT of receptionists do not make A LOT more than minimum wage. seabeyond Jan 2015 #124

Where do you get your "facts"? NaturalHigh Jan 2015 #125

Your information on receptionist salary is wrong. A simple visit to the BLS shows that Flatulo Jan 2015 #131

No, not everyone in business knows that at all. tammywammy Jan 2015 #137

Don't you just love it when people are so damn sure of something, that they get all condescending, Flatulo Jan 2015 #140

Absolutely true. kimmylavin Jan 2015 #91

Great Post.. yuiyoshida Jan 2015 #99

Something Along RobinA Jan 2015 #122

All of my employees are women Android3.14 Jan 2015 #102

Some managers are just abusive in subtle ways. Flatulo Jan 2015 #112

An interesting thing I witnessed during a long, long career at the same outfit (different owners Flatulo Jan 2015 #138