"who I am says I have to tolerate that to keep my family somewhat together." (Reply #74)

pnwmom

(110,270 posts)

74. "who I am says I have to tolerate that to keep my family somewhat together."

Wed Apr 8, 2015, 04:52 PM

Apr 2015

But you're not together, even somewhat, right? You are living far away from your parents because you can't stand to be near him. And you've told them that you can help them but only if they move closer to you.

Is he living with them? Do you answer the phone from him in case he's calling about your parents?

Maybe you should talk to a therapist again. Try with that person's help to figure out a way you can stay involved with your parents without ever having to talk to your brother. As if he were already dead. Your parents know what happened, so let them know this is still a big problem for you, and it always will be. They need to help you remove him from your life.

I am close to a survivor. I know what a terrible experience you went through. Your reaction is completely normal -- for these horribly abnormal circumstances -- and you shouldn't ever feel the least bit guilty for doing what you can to heal and protect yourself.

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This message was self-deleted by its author [View all] chowder66 Apr 2015 OP

... Quackers Apr 2015 #1

Hugs back! chowder66 Apr 2015 #30

Most people just don't get the pain inflicted, Ilsa Apr 2015 #2

Thank you. chowder66 Apr 2015 #50

It's possible for the elderly to move. Ilsa Apr 2015 #64

Unfortunately my Dad hates California and he really can't move. chowder66 Apr 2015 #66

K&R freshwest Apr 2015 #3

Thanks. chowder66 Apr 2015 #31

That's up to you... There are things I know that don't bear the kind of comments they will get here. freshwest Apr 2015 #42

... LiberalLoner Apr 2015 #4

My thoughts are with you, chowder66. democrank Apr 2015 #5

Thanks. I appreciate the thoughts chowder66 Apr 2015 #32

..... BlueCollar Apr 2015 #6

I'm not sure but I take this to chowder66 Apr 2015 #33

Personally ann--- Apr 2015 #7

Thanks Ann chowder66 Apr 2015 #29

... In_The_Wind Apr 2015 #8

You get a hug too! chowder66 Apr 2015 #35

Kick! Heidi Apr 2015 #9

You get a hug right back! chowder66 Apr 2015 #36

Powerful. Thank you for sharing. aikoaiko Apr 2015 #10

Thanks. I was powerfully angry and still am a little bit. chowder66 Apr 2015 #37

Bless you for posting such a powerful message. I am sorry for the pain japple Apr 2015 #11

Thank you for the kind words though I must admit I wasn't seeking them. chowder66 Apr 2015 #38

I am sure that everyone here knows you weren't looking for any kind of support or sympathy. You japple Apr 2015 #80

Sorry for the pain Ghost of Tom Joad Apr 2015 #12

Thank you but it's a little complicated chowder66 Apr 2015 #39

I hear you. riqster Apr 2015 #13

Wow. I don't have a hug icon but I'm giving you an air hug right now! chowder66 Apr 2015 #40

It's hard to envy a fellow survivor, I think. riqster Apr 2015 #58

The envy part is the feeling of safety. chowder66 Apr 2015 #67

More hugs then. riqster Apr 2015 #72

I empathize with you a million percent. I went through much the same with my brother who was underahedgerow Apr 2015 #14

I have a gay friend who was abused by a parent, and he did likewise. closeupready Apr 2015 #22

If we all ran off to California, hell... how many others? chowder66 Apr 2015 #69

And your story is one of the reasons chowder66 Apr 2015 #63

About not going back to take care of your aging parents -- enough Apr 2015 #15

Try not to feel guilty for not moving to help your parents Triana Apr 2015 #16

Thank you. That is where my logic is coming from... chowder66 Apr 2015 #51

:( I understand. Triana Apr 2015 #60

Thank you. KitSileya Apr 2015 #17

Thanks so much. chowder66 Apr 2015 #52

I'm so sorry...... a kennedy Apr 2015 #18

Thank you. Body is okay....well, It's older but okay.... chowder66 Apr 2015 #55

Report, report, report, and with support that may change the lives of victims, so any abuse Jefferson23 Apr 2015 #19

^THIS^! chowder66 Apr 2015 #56

You're more than welcome and we all need to be vigilant and proactive..because we Jefferson23 Apr 2015 #61

it just never ends does it! And yes, I completely agree chowder66 Apr 2015 #65

((((chowder66)))) riderinthestorm Apr 2015 #20

You get a ((((HUG))))) back too! chowder66 Apr 2015 #57

Like others have said, I'd have written him off entirely. closeupready Apr 2015 #21

Thanks. I would too if it meant it was better for everyone chowder66 Apr 2015 #54

Thanks everyone...I'm okay chowder66 Apr 2015 #23

Pissed off or not... F4lconF16 Apr 2015 #24

Thank you. chowder66 Apr 2015 #28

Ah, crap...taxes. F4lconF16 Apr 2015 #34

I think you might have helped blown off my angry-cobwebs chowder66 Apr 2015 #43

Glad I could help :) F4lconF16 Apr 2015 #45

Big Super-Smile on my face! nt chowder66 Apr 2015 #70

That story of the 3-year was a major thing for me yesterday, so much so I had to talk to someone freshwest Apr 2015 #49

Powerfully said. chowder66 Apr 2015 #71

Message auto-removed Name removed Apr 2015 #25

Thank you for that kindness. chowder66 Apr 2015 #44

Message auto-removed Name removed Apr 2015 #26

And boy do I feel it! Thank you! nt chowder66 Apr 2015 #46

I'm sorry. bravenak Apr 2015 #27

Thank you. chowder66 Apr 2015 #47

... ismnotwasm Apr 2015 #41

Hugging you back. Thank you! chowder66 Apr 2015 #48

Not Buying This Bullshit! Brett Fitz Apr 2015 #53

You're probably right chowder66 Apr 2015 #75

I think you could get a protection order against him. Alternatively, inform him pnwmom Apr 2015 #59

Thank you but I've mentioned that it's complicated chowder66 Apr 2015 #76

I wasn't suggesting that you actually go public pnwmom Apr 2015 #83

People really are something, aren't they? yallerdawg Apr 2015 #62

I really struggle with how people find the energy to harm others chowder66 Apr 2015 #77

. myrna minx Apr 2015 #68

OOOO a Group HUG!!! Squeezes Back! chowder66 Apr 2015 #73

"who I am says I have to tolerate that to keep my family somewhat together." pnwmom Apr 2015 #74

Thanks again. And yes, I've been trying to figure that out with them chowder66 Apr 2015 #79

Thank you for sharing your life. I'm am so sorry. jonno99 Apr 2015 #78

I'm so terribly sorry and I'm so glad he opened up chowder66 Apr 2015 #81

Peace, peace, peace Hekate Apr 2015 #82

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