I am pro-abortion, not just pro-choice: 10 reasons why we must support the procedure and the choice

[calimary]

80. I am also pro-condom, but condoms can fail. There HAS to be a variety of options.

Including abortion.

Hey, I had two pregnancies, two normal vaginal deliveries, and that was that. We'd used condoms. They never failed US, at least. But the speed at which I got pregnant once we stopped using them because we decided it was time to start trying to build a family - was actually a little unsettling. It was like ONE MONTH. Stopped using 'em. Took THREE times. ONE month later, BOOM. In BOTH cases!!! I was 35 the first time. Didn't matter. BOOM!!! Friends started calling me "Fertile Myrtle" and my husband "Johnny One-Shot." It gave me a whole new respect for condoms. Criminy - I remember looking at that first pregnancy test and seeing the results and feeling the blood drain from my face - "SHIT - THAT fast??????? Are you KIDDING ME????" I thought we were going to have to struggle and try again and again and again and that it'd take years and maybe we'd have to wind up at some fertility clinic because of my age by then. Uh - NOPE!

But condoms CAN fail. And if one has tried very deliberately and purposefully to avoid pregnancy and there's still an "oopsie" despite that effort, there HAS TO be another option. Or two. Or MORE.

Condoms CAN fail. We just got lucky. Hell, I just got lucky. I refused to go to bed with a guy unless he had one. And I was very up front about it. You want it? Well, then you do this, and I'm there! I'll meet you in bed! Or in the back of the car. Or out in the bushes behind the barn. Or WHEREVER. Otherwise, no.

I actually started referring to it as the "condom test." And I told my daughter about it. I found it EXTREMELY valuable and instructive in assessing whether the guy in question was worth that ultimate love-gift from me. Because going to bed with someone was a big deal for me. I didn't just hop around - just because. And if the guy was willing or even eager to honor my wishes - that told me WORLDS of information about him, all of it good. That told me this guy was worth it. That told me this guy was considerate and generous and loving and caring. That told me this guy would put my concerns and needs up at the top or near the top. That told me this guy would consider my feelings and needs, and make a lot of room for them in his mind. If he passed the test on this count, then he could be expected to do so on other issues also - especially if we were thinking of maybe making a go of it together. I was NOT going to wind up with some dictator who dismissed my concerns - concerns which I found entirely reasonable. I was NOT going to be with a guy who just wanted to get his rocks off and never mind how I would feel about it. And so I passed on a few men who weren't willing for whatever reason it was, to accommodate me. Either they were selfish, or they didn't like the feel, or they found it a hassle and didn't want to be bothered going that extra step, or they didn't want to be told what to do, or they thought it was merely my place to be grateful and willing and passive, or it didn't matter to them that much (in other words, I didn't matter to them that much), or they didn't think they should have to, or they thought I should be the one carrying the full load -("well, why aren't you on the pill?" - Answer: it was chemically BAD and quite incompatible for me! It left me physically sick and very messed up. And I know that because I tried it for awhile.)

That's the reason I'm still with the guy I married some almost-40 years ago. It's HUGELY instructive about the man you're with. Does he consider it lovemaking or just fucking? Does he want it because he actually does care about YOU? Does he want it just because he's horny and doesn't feel like using his hand this time? Does he want it because he figures he bought dinner and a movie or something and now you have to put out because it's his due? That's what went through my mind way back, decades ago, while I was still dating. It proved very effectively, at least to me, the full measure of the man. As I said - that's why I wound up with the guy I'm with.

Condoms CAN fail. I'm amazed that throughout my years of sexual activity, one never did. But I know it can happen. So condoms are NOT the only answer.