General Discussion

treestar

(82,383 posts)

63. Bullies would probably pick on someone who didn't drink in the first place

Tue May 22, 2012, 09:34 AM

May 2012

If the girl was drinking in high school, she has a certain amount of high school cachet.

But the attitude you've described gives bullies legitimacy and power, as if what they do is legitimate and they are not to be 'provoked."

Edit history

Please sign in to view edit histories.

Recommendations

0 members have recommended this reply (displayed in chronological order):

199 replies

= new reply since forum marked as read

Highlight:

mom makes daughter post embarrassing photo as punishment [View all] Liberal_in_LA May 2012 OP

Congrats to the Mom. nt bluestate10 May 2012 #1

+ 1 virgogal May 2012 #9

No way. This is abuse of parental power. And ineffective parenting. yellowcanine May 2012 #59

Well said. I totally agree. n/t DLevine May 2012 #68

Embarrassment is NOT abuse. And the family was humiliated adigal May 2012 #70

the MOTHER could go to jail or lose her daughter for allowing her to get liquor. yellowcanine May 2012 #81

Sorry, but you don't know where the child was, so no dice. Brava Mom!!! nt LaydeeBug May 2012 #94

When did forcing a child to take responsibility for bad behavior become psychological abuse? KitBitBack May 2012 #174

Apples and oranges....What the daughter did not the same as stealing from a store. yellowcanine May 2012 #181

Abuse would be letting her teenage daughter get drunk regularly 4th law of robotics May 2012 #86

Nice strawman. No evidence she was drinking at all let alone drunk let alone regularly. yellowcanine May 2012 #95

Yes, I noticed that. PotatoChip May 2012 #199

My daughter azmom May 2012 #128

Oh Jesus H. Christ riding in the back of a Gremlin on milk crates snooper2 May 2012 #190

Ok you can pen a colorful title. How about a cogent argument? yellowcanine May 2012 #192

didn't figure it was worth the time, you have plenty of replies to your "concern" snooper2 May 2012 #193

Well what a relief that you are pretty sure the girl will be fine. Alrighty then. yellowcanine May 2012 #198

I agree. (nt) PotatoChip May 2012 #196

The kid should have known better derby378 May 2012 #2

Not much in the way of detail, but as written I have no problem with it. cherokeeprogressive May 2012 #3

Or, just as likely... Neue Regel May 2012 #29

That would reduce my teenager to tears. Fawke Em May 2012 #98

I am torn. On one hand, her mom seems to care more than many would. On the other... NYC_SKP May 2012 #4

i have no problem with it. Control-Z May 2012 #12

That must mean your daughter was educated enough to know what TS is. LOL LiberalFighter May 2012 #66

Yes, indeed. Control-Z May 2012 #107

My mom once caught me with candy I stole from our rural country store. PavePusher May 2012 #25

Sorry, but this isn't even close to the same thing. eqfan592 May 2012 #27

Really? That traumatizing? Do you really, really think so? PavePusher May 2012 #32

And what if bullies at her school find this pic UnrepentantLiberal May 2012 #39

And what if.... underseasurveyor May 2012 #40

Take her computer away. Ground her. UnrepentantLiberal May 2012 #41

So this one decision makes this mother irrational? underseasurveyor May 2012 #84

Yes. UnrepentantLiberal May 2012 #91

And you're completely and throughly underseasurveyor May 2012 #159

Wait a second! KitBitBack May 2012 #175

Yes I think so. underseasurveyor May 2012 #176

Bullies would probably pick on someone who didn't drink in the first place treestar May 2012 #63

Whatever. UnrepentantLiberal May 2012 #67

Oooooo, scary.... PavePusher May 2012 #90

Why not put her in a cage with wild dogs? UnrepentantLiberal May 2012 #92

Gradual steps... you don't go pro overnight. PavePusher May 2012 #93

That happened to my uncle Harmony Blue May 2012 #54

I agree the punishment was OTT but treestar May 2012 #62

The girl needed to learn to pay attention to what is proper for her to post to the www..and what is shraby May 2012 #5

Sounds pretty desperate all around. Robb May 2012 #6

I am not a parent, but what is this SWTORFanatic May 2012 #14

I won't criticize them for every decision, only the ones I think are wrong. white_wolf May 2012 #42

Come on, it's not going to scar little snowflake for life. That punishment is fine. Especially SWTORFanatic May 2012 #52

Beside the point. It is the humiliation which scars, not losing the social media. yellowcanine May 2012 #61

+1 nt TBF May 2012 #75

We don't know the backstory. Yes if it was the first time, maybe just SWTORFanatic May 2012 #77

Psychological abuse is still abuse. Any abuse scars. yellowcanine May 2012 #82

One instance does not a pattern make and LIFE scars, so she's not going to avoid that. patrice May 2012 #172

I just told my husband I am glad my kids are in their 30's marlakay May 2012 #7

I agree. My son is pushing 40 and I'm glad I never sufrommich May 2012 #50

Sorry to go against the consensus, but punishing your kid is one thing, TrollBuster9090 May 2012 #8

Thank you! +100. white_wolf May 2012 #11

I'll join you guys in this group. eqfan592 May 2012 #20

The Teen Already Publicly Humiliated Herself When She Posted Pics of Herself with Alcohol Yavin4 May 2012 #49

The mother messed up big time. white_wolf May 2012 #88

Public embarrasment is not a fatal condition. PavePusher May 2012 #26

It not being the cruelest thing ever that happens to the child doesn't make the move a smart one. eqfan592 May 2012 #28

Short of violence few things motivate teenagers more than public humiliation 4th law of robotics May 2012 #30

You swayed me on this. pa28 May 2012 #33

EXACTLY. Pictures posted on the internet ARE FOREVER. This is a PERMANENT PUNISHMENT in some stevenleser May 2012 #45

All she needs to do is delete her account adigal May 2012 #72

In the process she, hopefully, learned not to post idiotic pictures of herself on the internet 4th law of robotics May 2012 #135

She won't, because the adult who is supposed to set the example just did it. stevenleser May 2012 #137

What example did she just set? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #138

That posting embarassing/dumb pictures on the internet is smart behavior. nt stevenleser May 2012 #139

If she learned that she's an idiot 4th law of robotics May 2012 #141

No, actually, its proven that "Do as I say and not as I do" is a horrible teaching practice. stevenleser May 2012 #157

It's not that kind of scenario though 4th law of robotics May 2012 #158

I agree Canuckistanian May 2012 #48

I don't think it's going to follow her for life, treestar May 2012 #64

I'm alright with it, people take alcohol abuse too lightly Raine May 2012 #10

I'm sorry, but publicly humiliating your child is wrong. white_wolf May 2012 #13

Public shaming is not good parenting. Shame makes people Liquorice May 2012 #15

Thank you for saying that. +1000 nt laundry_queen May 2012 #38

+1 treestar May 2012 #65

Shouldn't punishment address the real problem? loyalsister May 2012 #16

I was going to post something similar.. RedCappedBandit May 2012 #43

the wording bugs me, too loyalsister May 2012 #46

She should probably lose the friends she has, who are probably also indulging adigal May 2012 #78

It's not possible that she might have some "nice" friends? loyalsister May 2012 #150

I trust the parents here. Won't judge them. Zax2me May 2012 #17

Good malaise May 2012 #18

Oh, she'll learn alright. eqfan592 May 2012 #22

What other lesson would she learn? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #31

To drink off camera and away from the family. nt Selatius May 2012 #36

We have had a least a dozen kids in our high school caught adigal May 2012 #73

We just had another kid in town suspended for facebook postings Marrah_G May 2012 #96

Or maybe not to do it at all 4th law of robotics May 2012 #85

I think whatever closeness she may have had with her mother, is now ended. meti57b May 2012 #19

Is this different than laptop dad? riderinthestorm May 2012 #21

lol, I just brought up laptop dad up-thread. eqfan592 May 2012 #23

She's 13 and got in trouble with her mom jp11 May 2012 #24

I bet the kid learned a lesson. Skip Intro May 2012 #34

Some of you you act like little embarrassment SpartanDem May 2012 #35

I agree! KitBitBack May 2012 #178

Teenagers these days. underseasurveyor May 2012 #37

Wrong lesson IMO RedCappedBandit May 2012 #44

How come these parents only do these things to their daughters? Darth_Kitten May 2012 #47

That is a VERY interesting observation, Darth_Kitten! KitBitBack May 2012 #177

Kepp in in-house. trumad May 2012 #51

This woman is a hero to me Harmony Blue May 2012 #53

Good for mom scheming daemons May 2012 #55

Not everything needs to be made public, imo nt deutsey May 2012 #56

isn't that the point? Lilyeye May 2012 #166

As a parent, I would've handled the punishment offline deutsey May 2012 #179

Who cares if the girl is crying in the photo?!?! cbdo2007 May 2012 #57

I don't know the child. I don't know the mother. MineralMan May 2012 #58

Thank you. After reading all the replies, yours comes closest to mine. Not enough information to uppityperson May 2012 #154

My parents had three children. They treated each of us MineralMan May 2012 #164

That does seem kind of appropriate to the act however treestar May 2012 #60

She is very young, And posted pics of herself with liquor??? adigal May 2012 #69

Whose crime? loyalsister May 2012 #160

Good for Mom!! lynne May 2012 #71

Nasty. TBF May 2012 #74

Do you really think taking away her computer "for a day or two" is an appropriate punishment adigal May 2012 #76

"Our job is to raise our kids to be good citizens" TBF May 2012 #79

Thank you. DLevine May 2012 #89

So I guess having a child is a power trip for me??? That is what you are implying. adigal May 2012 #99

Don't blame TBF. white_wolf May 2012 #101

My point was to reject the implication that only cruel parents would do this adigal May 2012 #103

Ivy League "girl"? Really? Is that how you refer to women? TBF May 2012 #105

I am a woman, and she was condescending and presumptive with me adigal May 2012 #109

I think you're confused here - TBF May 2012 #127

I choose to raise my children. TBF May 2012 #104

One would think you could understand what I am saying, but I will explain adigal May 2012 #108

I understand exactly what you're saying TBF May 2012 #110

You responded to my post, and were arrogant and rude adigal May 2012 #111

My kids are at school. TBF May 2012 #114

Sorry, I thought you said you didn't work to take care of your kids adigal May 2012 #117

Again with the assumptions. TBF May 2012 #119

"I don't believe in ownership, especially of children. white_wolf May 2012 #113

I don't care about winning - TBF May 2012 #115

I don't people should be able to do things like that either. white_wolf May 2012 #116

Indeed, parents don't own their children & neither should anyone else, especially when the coin of patrice May 2012 #171

I always try to keep my children's punishments private. ZombieHorde May 2012 #80

Same here deutsey May 2012 #180

Sounds Like the Punishment Fit the Crime To Me we can do it May 2012 #83

Good. We watch our children to see both who is talking to them and what they are saying. It is jwirr May 2012 #87

I don't have much of a problem with it. heaven knows May 2012 #97

Shame and humiliation are not effective teaching methods siligut May 2012 #100

I wish I could say I was suprised. white_wolf May 2012 #102

Maybe because I tend to think conservatives are stupid, I expect more from progressives siligut May 2012 #125

Shame is actually a great teaching method 4th law of robotics May 2012 #118

Piaget's formal operational stage started in the teenage years - TBF May 2012 #120

So a 13 year old has fully developed cognitive faculties? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #121

Interesting question - TBF May 2012 #124

Catch-22 4th law of robotics May 2012 #129

Shame is an effective way to hurt them, yes siligut May 2012 #122

"Where do you come up with this teenagers don't have fully developed brain stuff? " 4th law of robotics May 2012 #130

That's still no excuse to humiliate and shame your child in public like this. white_wolf May 2012 #131

"emotional abuse" being defined as 4th law of robotics May 2012 #132

Those are nothing like the siutation we are discussing. white_wolf May 2012 #133

Do you know she isn't also practicing "positive reinforcement" as well? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #134

No, she shouldn't have been rewarded, but she shouldn't have been punished like this either. white_wolf May 2012 #136

So she does something wrong and should not be punished 4th law of robotics May 2012 #140

Did you miss the part where I said she should be grounded? white_wolf May 2012 #143

Wait so imprisoning them under your conditions is not a powertrip? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #148

Grounding is nowhere near the same as humiliating her. white_wolf May 2012 #155

" unlike you I don't think children are stupid and they can be reasoned with" 4th law of robotics May 2012 #183

Explain to them about protection. Problem solved. white_wolf May 2012 #184

Ok if you don't like that argument then use smoking 4th law of robotics May 2012 #185

I may or may not have extreme circumstances as compared to this girl underseasurveyor May 2012 #168

"The changes were localized to regions of the brain known to integrate emotion and cognition." siligut May 2012 #146

Are you seriously arguing this will cause her brain not to develop properly? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #149

You are the one who brought up brain development siligut May 2012 #151

You know, I bet most DUers don't approve of spanking children. white_wolf May 2012 #106

$100 billion for this junk ? KurtNYC May 2012 #112

It's interesting, after reading the many replies here - TBF May 2012 #123

My 10 year old and her friends have filmed a recreation of the hunger games in the yard. JoePhilly May 2012 #142

Good point. TBF May 2012 #144

Its amazing what they can do. JoePhilly May 2012 #145

Absolutely loyalsister May 2012 #163

Very good point - especially at age 13. nt TBF May 2012 #167

I know that growing up xmas74 May 2012 #186

Ever been to a bathroom snooper2 May 2012 #191

If they are drinking the rubbing alcohol we have a bigger problem TBF May 2012 #194

some of youse guys need to get tough datasuspect May 2012 #126

this is a tough one. indie_voter May 2012 #147

It's bad because JonLP24 May 2012 #152

Humiliating your kid in front of peers doesn't seem very parent-like... cynatnite May 2012 #153

This consequence is comensurate with the severity of the mistake. A social lie about a dangerous patrice May 2012 #156

stupid fascisthunter May 2012 #161

Good for mom - snowflake isn't going to be damaged for life by this cabot May 2012 #162

What's the BFD? WolverineDG May 2012 #165

it could be worse Terra Alta May 2012 #169

'obviously crying'? Is there another photo? muriel_volestrangler May 2012 #170

that looks like a crying face to me. Liberal_in_LA May 2012 #173

"mother deemed inappropriate" SecurityManager May 2012 #182

Parenting 101. monitor what your children are doing. teach them what is wrong rustydog May 2012 #187

Not the way I would handle it with my kids... FreeJoe May 2012 #188

I actually agree with you - TBF May 2012 #195

My mother and 6th grade teacher humiliated me The Second Stone May 2012 #189

Childhood Humiliation: Keeping psychologists employed for over 100 years. CBGLuthier May 2012 #197