General Discussion

TBF

(36,533 posts)

79. "Our job is to raise our kids to be good citizens"

Tue May 22, 2012, 10:38 AM

May 2012

Define "good citizen". I'd define that as someone who is anti-violence (including anti-war), kind to others (all others - not just white christian others), environmentally conscious, and considers themselves a citizen of the world. My "job" as a parent is to teach them patience, tolerance, respect for others.

If I saw my daughter with alcohol on Facebook I would first ask myself how I let that happen (where was she, how did she get there, where was the supervision?). But then having children is not a power trip for me.

ETA - Just noticed your Ivy reference - I have a master's degree (undergrad one of the public ivy's - degree in Child & Family Studies) and my husband has a law degree (undergrad Harvard). So if you want to throw around initials I can play that game too ... but I think it is pretty meaningless when it comes to determining whether your children are being treated decently & how they are learning to treat others by watching your example.

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mom makes daughter post embarrassing photo as punishment [View all] Liberal_in_LA May 2012 OP

Congrats to the Mom. nt bluestate10 May 2012 #1

+ 1 virgogal May 2012 #9

No way. This is abuse of parental power. And ineffective parenting. yellowcanine May 2012 #59

Well said. I totally agree. n/t DLevine May 2012 #68

Embarrassment is NOT abuse. And the family was humiliated adigal May 2012 #70

the MOTHER could go to jail or lose her daughter for allowing her to get liquor. yellowcanine May 2012 #81

Sorry, but you don't know where the child was, so no dice. Brava Mom!!! nt LaydeeBug May 2012 #94

When did forcing a child to take responsibility for bad behavior become psychological abuse? KitBitBack May 2012 #174

Apples and oranges....What the daughter did not the same as stealing from a store. yellowcanine May 2012 #181

Abuse would be letting her teenage daughter get drunk regularly 4th law of robotics May 2012 #86

Nice strawman. No evidence she was drinking at all let alone drunk let alone regularly. yellowcanine May 2012 #95

Yes, I noticed that. PotatoChip May 2012 #199

My daughter azmom May 2012 #128

Oh Jesus H. Christ riding in the back of a Gremlin on milk crates snooper2 May 2012 #190

Ok you can pen a colorful title. How about a cogent argument? yellowcanine May 2012 #192

didn't figure it was worth the time, you have plenty of replies to your "concern" snooper2 May 2012 #193

Well what a relief that you are pretty sure the girl will be fine. Alrighty then. yellowcanine May 2012 #198

I agree. (nt) PotatoChip May 2012 #196

The kid should have known better derby378 May 2012 #2

Not much in the way of detail, but as written I have no problem with it. cherokeeprogressive May 2012 #3

Or, just as likely... Neue Regel May 2012 #29

That would reduce my teenager to tears. Fawke Em May 2012 #98

I am torn. On one hand, her mom seems to care more than many would. On the other... NYC_SKP May 2012 #4

i have no problem with it. Control-Z May 2012 #12

That must mean your daughter was educated enough to know what TS is. LOL LiberalFighter May 2012 #66

Yes, indeed. Control-Z May 2012 #107

My mom once caught me with candy I stole from our rural country store. PavePusher May 2012 #25

Sorry, but this isn't even close to the same thing. eqfan592 May 2012 #27

Really? That traumatizing? Do you really, really think so? PavePusher May 2012 #32

And what if bullies at her school find this pic UnrepentantLiberal May 2012 #39

And what if.... underseasurveyor May 2012 #40

Take her computer away. Ground her. UnrepentantLiberal May 2012 #41

So this one decision makes this mother irrational? underseasurveyor May 2012 #84

Yes. UnrepentantLiberal May 2012 #91

And you're completely and throughly underseasurveyor May 2012 #159

Wait a second! KitBitBack May 2012 #175

Yes I think so. underseasurveyor May 2012 #176

Bullies would probably pick on someone who didn't drink in the first place treestar May 2012 #63

Whatever. UnrepentantLiberal May 2012 #67

Oooooo, scary.... PavePusher May 2012 #90

Why not put her in a cage with wild dogs? UnrepentantLiberal May 2012 #92

Gradual steps... you don't go pro overnight. PavePusher May 2012 #93

That happened to my uncle Harmony Blue May 2012 #54

I agree the punishment was OTT but treestar May 2012 #62

The girl needed to learn to pay attention to what is proper for her to post to the www..and what is shraby May 2012 #5

Sounds pretty desperate all around. Robb May 2012 #6

I am not a parent, but what is this SWTORFanatic May 2012 #14

I won't criticize them for every decision, only the ones I think are wrong. white_wolf May 2012 #42

Come on, it's not going to scar little snowflake for life. That punishment is fine. Especially SWTORFanatic May 2012 #52

Beside the point. It is the humiliation which scars, not losing the social media. yellowcanine May 2012 #61

+1 nt TBF May 2012 #75

We don't know the backstory. Yes if it was the first time, maybe just SWTORFanatic May 2012 #77

Psychological abuse is still abuse. Any abuse scars. yellowcanine May 2012 #82

One instance does not a pattern make and LIFE scars, so she's not going to avoid that. patrice May 2012 #172

I just told my husband I am glad my kids are in their 30's marlakay May 2012 #7

I agree. My son is pushing 40 and I'm glad I never sufrommich May 2012 #50

Sorry to go against the consensus, but punishing your kid is one thing, TrollBuster9090 May 2012 #8

Thank you! +100. white_wolf May 2012 #11

I'll join you guys in this group. eqfan592 May 2012 #20

The Teen Already Publicly Humiliated Herself When She Posted Pics of Herself with Alcohol Yavin4 May 2012 #49

The mother messed up big time. white_wolf May 2012 #88

Public embarrasment is not a fatal condition. PavePusher May 2012 #26

It not being the cruelest thing ever that happens to the child doesn't make the move a smart one. eqfan592 May 2012 #28

Short of violence few things motivate teenagers more than public humiliation 4th law of robotics May 2012 #30

You swayed me on this. pa28 May 2012 #33

EXACTLY. Pictures posted on the internet ARE FOREVER. This is a PERMANENT PUNISHMENT in some stevenleser May 2012 #45

All she needs to do is delete her account adigal May 2012 #72

In the process she, hopefully, learned not to post idiotic pictures of herself on the internet 4th law of robotics May 2012 #135

She won't, because the adult who is supposed to set the example just did it. stevenleser May 2012 #137

What example did she just set? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #138

That posting embarassing/dumb pictures on the internet is smart behavior. nt stevenleser May 2012 #139

If she learned that she's an idiot 4th law of robotics May 2012 #141

No, actually, its proven that "Do as I say and not as I do" is a horrible teaching practice. stevenleser May 2012 #157

It's not that kind of scenario though 4th law of robotics May 2012 #158

I agree Canuckistanian May 2012 #48

I don't think it's going to follow her for life, treestar May 2012 #64

I'm alright with it, people take alcohol abuse too lightly Raine May 2012 #10

I'm sorry, but publicly humiliating your child is wrong. white_wolf May 2012 #13

Public shaming is not good parenting. Shame makes people Liquorice May 2012 #15

Thank you for saying that. +1000 nt laundry_queen May 2012 #38

+1 treestar May 2012 #65

Shouldn't punishment address the real problem? loyalsister May 2012 #16

I was going to post something similar.. RedCappedBandit May 2012 #43

the wording bugs me, too loyalsister May 2012 #46

She should probably lose the friends she has, who are probably also indulging adigal May 2012 #78

It's not possible that she might have some "nice" friends? loyalsister May 2012 #150

I trust the parents here. Won't judge them. Zax2me May 2012 #17

Good malaise May 2012 #18

Oh, she'll learn alright. eqfan592 May 2012 #22

What other lesson would she learn? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #31

To drink off camera and away from the family. nt Selatius May 2012 #36

We have had a least a dozen kids in our high school caught adigal May 2012 #73

We just had another kid in town suspended for facebook postings Marrah_G May 2012 #96

Or maybe not to do it at all 4th law of robotics May 2012 #85

I think whatever closeness she may have had with her mother, is now ended. meti57b May 2012 #19

Is this different than laptop dad? riderinthestorm May 2012 #21

lol, I just brought up laptop dad up-thread. eqfan592 May 2012 #23

She's 13 and got in trouble with her mom jp11 May 2012 #24

I bet the kid learned a lesson. Skip Intro May 2012 #34

Some of you you act like little embarrassment SpartanDem May 2012 #35

I agree! KitBitBack May 2012 #178

Teenagers these days. underseasurveyor May 2012 #37

Wrong lesson IMO RedCappedBandit May 2012 #44

How come these parents only do these things to their daughters? Darth_Kitten May 2012 #47

That is a VERY interesting observation, Darth_Kitten! KitBitBack May 2012 #177

Kepp in in-house. trumad May 2012 #51

This woman is a hero to me Harmony Blue May 2012 #53

Good for mom scheming daemons May 2012 #55

Not everything needs to be made public, imo nt deutsey May 2012 #56

isn't that the point? Lilyeye May 2012 #166

As a parent, I would've handled the punishment offline deutsey May 2012 #179

Who cares if the girl is crying in the photo?!?! cbdo2007 May 2012 #57

I don't know the child. I don't know the mother. MineralMan May 2012 #58

Thank you. After reading all the replies, yours comes closest to mine. Not enough information to uppityperson May 2012 #154

My parents had three children. They treated each of us MineralMan May 2012 #164

That does seem kind of appropriate to the act however treestar May 2012 #60

She is very young, And posted pics of herself with liquor??? adigal May 2012 #69

Whose crime? loyalsister May 2012 #160

Good for Mom!! lynne May 2012 #71

Nasty. TBF May 2012 #74

Do you really think taking away her computer "for a day or two" is an appropriate punishment adigal May 2012 #76

"Our job is to raise our kids to be good citizens" TBF May 2012 #79

Thank you. DLevine May 2012 #89

So I guess having a child is a power trip for me??? That is what you are implying. adigal May 2012 #99

Don't blame TBF. white_wolf May 2012 #101

My point was to reject the implication that only cruel parents would do this adigal May 2012 #103

Ivy League "girl"? Really? Is that how you refer to women? TBF May 2012 #105

I am a woman, and she was condescending and presumptive with me adigal May 2012 #109

I think you're confused here - TBF May 2012 #127

I choose to raise my children. TBF May 2012 #104

One would think you could understand what I am saying, but I will explain adigal May 2012 #108

I understand exactly what you're saying TBF May 2012 #110

You responded to my post, and were arrogant and rude adigal May 2012 #111

My kids are at school. TBF May 2012 #114

Sorry, I thought you said you didn't work to take care of your kids adigal May 2012 #117

Again with the assumptions. TBF May 2012 #119

"I don't believe in ownership, especially of children. white_wolf May 2012 #113

I don't care about winning - TBF May 2012 #115

I don't people should be able to do things like that either. white_wolf May 2012 #116

Indeed, parents don't own their children & neither should anyone else, especially when the coin of patrice May 2012 #171

I always try to keep my children's punishments private. ZombieHorde May 2012 #80

Same here deutsey May 2012 #180

Sounds Like the Punishment Fit the Crime To Me we can do it May 2012 #83

Good. We watch our children to see both who is talking to them and what they are saying. It is jwirr May 2012 #87

I don't have much of a problem with it. heaven knows May 2012 #97

Shame and humiliation are not effective teaching methods siligut May 2012 #100

I wish I could say I was suprised. white_wolf May 2012 #102

Maybe because I tend to think conservatives are stupid, I expect more from progressives siligut May 2012 #125

Shame is actually a great teaching method 4th law of robotics May 2012 #118

Piaget's formal operational stage started in the teenage years - TBF May 2012 #120

So a 13 year old has fully developed cognitive faculties? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #121

Interesting question - TBF May 2012 #124

Catch-22 4th law of robotics May 2012 #129

Shame is an effective way to hurt them, yes siligut May 2012 #122

"Where do you come up with this teenagers don't have fully developed brain stuff? " 4th law of robotics May 2012 #130

That's still no excuse to humiliate and shame your child in public like this. white_wolf May 2012 #131

"emotional abuse" being defined as 4th law of robotics May 2012 #132

Those are nothing like the siutation we are discussing. white_wolf May 2012 #133

Do you know she isn't also practicing "positive reinforcement" as well? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #134

No, she shouldn't have been rewarded, but she shouldn't have been punished like this either. white_wolf May 2012 #136

So she does something wrong and should not be punished 4th law of robotics May 2012 #140

Did you miss the part where I said she should be grounded? white_wolf May 2012 #143

Wait so imprisoning them under your conditions is not a powertrip? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #148

Grounding is nowhere near the same as humiliating her. white_wolf May 2012 #155

" unlike you I don't think children are stupid and they can be reasoned with" 4th law of robotics May 2012 #183

Explain to them about protection. Problem solved. white_wolf May 2012 #184

Ok if you don't like that argument then use smoking 4th law of robotics May 2012 #185

I may or may not have extreme circumstances as compared to this girl underseasurveyor May 2012 #168

"The changes were localized to regions of the brain known to integrate emotion and cognition." siligut May 2012 #146

Are you seriously arguing this will cause her brain not to develop properly? 4th law of robotics May 2012 #149

You are the one who brought up brain development siligut May 2012 #151

You know, I bet most DUers don't approve of spanking children. white_wolf May 2012 #106

$100 billion for this junk ? KurtNYC May 2012 #112

It's interesting, after reading the many replies here - TBF May 2012 #123

My 10 year old and her friends have filmed a recreation of the hunger games in the yard. JoePhilly May 2012 #142

Good point. TBF May 2012 #144

Its amazing what they can do. JoePhilly May 2012 #145

Absolutely loyalsister May 2012 #163

Very good point - especially at age 13. nt TBF May 2012 #167

I know that growing up xmas74 May 2012 #186

Ever been to a bathroom snooper2 May 2012 #191

If they are drinking the rubbing alcohol we have a bigger problem TBF May 2012 #194

some of youse guys need to get tough datasuspect May 2012 #126

this is a tough one. indie_voter May 2012 #147

It's bad because JonLP24 May 2012 #152

Humiliating your kid in front of peers doesn't seem very parent-like... cynatnite May 2012 #153

This consequence is comensurate with the severity of the mistake. A social lie about a dangerous patrice May 2012 #156

stupid fascisthunter May 2012 #161

Good for mom - snowflake isn't going to be damaged for life by this cabot May 2012 #162

What's the BFD? WolverineDG May 2012 #165

it could be worse Terra Alta May 2012 #169

'obviously crying'? Is there another photo? muriel_volestrangler May 2012 #170

that looks like a crying face to me. Liberal_in_LA May 2012 #173

"mother deemed inappropriate" SecurityManager May 2012 #182

Parenting 101. monitor what your children are doing. teach them what is wrong rustydog May 2012 #187

Not the way I would handle it with my kids... FreeJoe May 2012 #188

I actually agree with you - TBF May 2012 #195

My mother and 6th grade teacher humiliated me The Second Stone May 2012 #189

Childhood Humiliation: Keeping psychologists employed for over 100 years. CBGLuthier May 2012 #197