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In reply to the discussion: Adults that spoil kids aggravate me [View all]AlwaysQuestion
(442 posts)So you don't have any kids which automatically makes you unqualified to criticize the parents of obnoxious kids? Balderdash!!
I am a grandmother who strenuously objects to kids over the age of five interrupting adult conversations; running around in other people's places like they're permitted to do at home; cheeking back; believing that what is yours is theirs; throwing tantrums; whining when they don't get their own way; and a whole host of objectionable behavior. I'm a grandmother to one of these kids; I'm also a grandmother to three others who for the most part are quite pleasant to be around; in fact, I eagerly look forward to their visits.
But there's one I can barely tolerate. Mom and Dad say "no" all the time--over and over and over again beginning in year 2 and through years 3, 4, 5, and now 6. Same old stuff--nothing new. A whole bunch of "no's" without any follow-through of substance. The kid's as smart as a whip and KNOWS full well what he's doing. I say that because when he's with me alone without either of the parents being present, he KNOWS I mean business. I'll talk with him; banter back and forth; answer questions; play games with him; make him his favorite foods; but when he starts to act up and I say no, he obeys because he also knows that I WILL follow up. If I say, "do or say that once more and I take "whatever" away from you--or we won't go out for ice-cream--or (insert consequences), the bad behavior immediately comes to a halt.
HOWEVER, when I visit with my son and daughter-in-law, the bad behavior resumes. Now, I rarely make house calls and both parents are aware that if they visit me with him in tow, my laws prevail over all others; else don't bring him. It's really that simple. I'll not be held hostage by a six-year old brat whose parents tell me is nothing short of an angel. Oh, really--well, then let those who look upon him as such offer to babysit. Funnily enough, those sources appear to be drying up. Hmmmmm, interesting.
The one thing that drives me to distraction is that I'm the mother to one of the parents who acts so permissively. He was such a good boy--and I tore not one strip from his widdle bum nor did I ever verbally abuse him. Nonetheless, there were consequences and immediate follow through. My goal was always to discipline through natural consequences whenever possible and made-up ones whenever necessary. If that was bad, well, I have absolutely no regrets. We make huge mistakes when we underestimate their abilities to put things together logically.
A child is a fascinating critter until he starts acting like a brat. Not in my territory! And I don't suffer brats outside the family either. If the parent doesn't act appropriately when one of theirs pulls a boner, I make it immediately known how I feel about the situation. Do that once is generally all that is required. So do, Sarah, speak up. If one of your friends has a child exhibiting bratty behavior on your turf, address it at once. In fact, the parent may not see you as doing them a favor, but you are--if they will listen. They should want their kids to be a "must see" and not merely tolerated under stress. That's how I sees it.