Here Are 8 Shitty Things Your ‘Totally Not Racist’ Aunt Is Going To Gripe About On Thanksgiving [View all]

[Purveyor]

Ah, Thanksgiving — that time of year when families gather around a table to share each other’s company and feast. And of course, argue.

Let’s face it. There’s no avoiding the fact that your racist aunt is going to not only show up, but also drink too much Prosecco. You may try to ignore it, but as the evening wears on, something is going to get under your skin. Here are some things we predict, based on our highly-scientific casual observations of Twitter racists and Fox News discourse, we predict your “totally not racist” aunt is going to say on Thursday.

As a service to you, our readers, we have prepared a list of the things your aunt may say, so that you can mentally prepare yourself — because the only thing less productive than a political argument with your tipsy, racist family members at a holiday gathering is arguing with them Facebook.

For the purposes of this list, let’s just call her Auntie Alabaster Hayseed.

1. Syrian refugees are “invading” US: What worse dinner conversation could there be, other than to parrot this favorite conservative talking point that paints desperate people, a large number of whom are children, fleeing war and violence as evil terrorists who are not coming for safety, but instead to destroy America? Rest assured, just because the topic should be taboo, that won’t stop Auntie Alabaster Hayseed. This topic is of course directly tied in with Auntie A’s other favorite talking point, that all Muslims are terrorists. You may know that nothing Auntie A says is true, but the more you argue with her, the more entrenched her stance will become. In fact, if you look at the back of wine bottles, they are all marked with the warning: “Calcifies offensive points of view.”

2. Muslims “cheered” on 9/11: This unfortunately leads us to recent claims by the racist-aunt-id-incarnate leading the GOP candidate pool, Donald Trump. Trump said he saw “thousands” of Muslim people cheering in New Jersey on September 11 when the World Trade Center buildings collapsed. Police and reporters who ran fact checks have denied it happened, as have members of the local Muslim community. Fellow GOP candidate Ben Carson, who initially backed Trump’s claim, even walked it back to some degree.

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http://www.rawstory.com/2015/11/here-are-8-shitty-things-your-totally-not-racist-aunt-is-going-to-gripe-about-on-thanksgiving/