General Discussion

FLPanhandle

(7,107 posts)

5. As an atheist, I love to talk to the door knocking believers.

Sat Dec 12, 2015, 10:28 AM

Dec 2015

It's enjoyable to watch them squirm as the conversation goes on.

Now my wife will no longer allow me to answer when they come calling as she feels sorry for them.

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How do you get rid of a 'bible thumper' away from your door? [View all] clydefrand Dec 2015 OP

Is the person still outside your door? They didn't leave? nt Logical Dec 2015 #1

Well, tell them that you just lit up a joint with three of your spouses... Hepburn Dec 2015 #2

Our neighbor used to quick strip naked to answer, but after Hortensis Dec 2015 #19

So, the way to counter religious types is to act even weirder than them? stopbush Dec 2015 #129

Same as any salesperson who has another question to your no thank you Person 2713 Dec 2015 #3

Yeah that is the best bet davidpdx Dec 2015 #185

I simply explain I don't fredamae Dec 2015 #4

As an atheist, I love to talk to the door knocking believers. FLPanhandle Dec 2015 #5

I tied one up for about an hour last summer rurallib Dec 2015 #81

you know, it is illegal to forcibly restrain someone like that. What did he finally have to say... yawnmaster Dec 2015 #152

Whatever harm has been done to you by religion cannot be remedied by incivility. Maru Kitteh Dec 2015 #187

I usually invite them into my home. MohRokTah Dec 2015 #6

OMG! We did this in our younger years. Once, a family showed up (prob SDA) Nay Dec 2015 #55

I told a JW kid who's parents were trespassing Boudica the Lyoness Dec 2015 #115

I've never thought of that verse in that way. thucythucy Dec 2015 #131

I like all the stuff you said! In our case, the parents had nothing to say to Nay Dec 2015 #139

"..but you gotta admit...that the Bible is not very clear..." thucythucy Dec 2015 #182

I have a pit bull etherealtruth Dec 2015 #7

They don't usually stay on our porch once they see our black german shepherd. woodsprite Dec 2015 #177

Show up naked. Ask if he's here to spurn God and join the Church of the Satan theislander Dec 2015 #8

Most likely Jehovah Witnesses honeylady Dec 2015 #9

Actually, I like the JWs. Hepburn Dec 2015 #10

Then you'll love this safeinOhio Dec 2015 #22

OMG...that is priceless. Thank you! n/t Hepburn Dec 2015 #32

LOL treestar Dec 2015 #36

That was beautiful. Thanks for sharing. DamnYankeeInHouston Dec 2015 #37

Love what he did.......wish I had been there! dixiegrrrrl Dec 2015 #85

That was hilarious! cwydro Dec 2015 #105

Find work for the Mormons. Really hard work notadmblnd Dec 2015 #42

That works for me. Hepburn Dec 2015 #46

Mormons are hardworking too and they'll do it for free notadmblnd Dec 2015 #51

And Mormons actually don't mind doing it. Frank Cannon Dec 2015 #80

I couldn't live their life for two years notadmblnd Dec 2015 #86

Is that a real thing? fleur-de-lisa Dec 2015 #93

I've never had any problem with JW's ... truth2power Dec 2015 #53

I wonder if they have any success at all treestar Dec 2015 #33

My mom has a JW that comes to her house weekly. tammywammy Dec 2015 #61

JW's travel in pairs Andy823 Dec 2015 #124

Ask them if they want to be the next sacrifice. hobbit709 Dec 2015 #11

I wouldn't answer the door. n/t CaliforniaPeggy Dec 2015 #12

That's usualy my srategy too. cwydro Dec 2015 #45

I have an intercom at the door. None get past it. Many people freeze up when they're talking to an RKP5637 Dec 2015 #135

Same here. GoCubsGo Dec 2015 #136

That is why I have a peephole in my door. Grammy23 Dec 2015 #144

I tell that I am an atheist but tell them I respect their dedication. They are always polite. nt Logical Dec 2015 #13

Polite, indeed gratuitous Dec 2015 #21

+1 ShrimpPoboy Dec 2015 #99

Two friends were annoyed with the Jw's showing up the first freezing morning of winter L. Coyote Dec 2015 #14

One way to do it is to compliment them whilst gently shutting the door ucrdem Dec 2015 #15

I haven't dealt with any of them in a long time PersonNumber503602 Dec 2015 #16

I offer them a copy of the dhammapada (buddhist literature) in exchange for their bible tracts independentpiney Dec 2015 #17

How'd they react to that? PersonNumber503602 Dec 2015 #18

They have to refuse it because it's not christian independentpiney Dec 2015 #38

Awww, that's unfortunate, but I guess to be expected. PersonNumber503602 Dec 2015 #100

Depending on whether you are a man or woman... RichGirl Dec 2015 #20

1 way.....answer the door naked VanillaRhapsody Dec 2015 #23

The answer, as always, is more guns. Tell the bible thumper you are feeling threatened... Buzz Clik Dec 2015 #24

I just had a nasty little variant of the door knockers COLGATE4 Dec 2015 #25

Answer the door naked and blood-soaked, if you can manage it. Orrex Dec 2015 #26

Go full "Carrie" and show them your dirty pillows. Arugula Latte Dec 2015 #120

This. And tell them "You're just in time for the ritual, please come in!" backscatter712 Dec 2015 #125

They can't find my house. NV Whino Dec 2015 #27

No one seems to find my house EXCEPT the religious peddlers. dixiegrrrrl Dec 2015 #34

Funny, my cats don't have the same effect on visitors. NV Whino Dec 2015 #50

My MIL had 2naSalit Dec 2015 #62

Rudeness helps... Wounded Bear Dec 2015 #28

I just say No thank you, and then I shut the door. 2pooped2pop Dec 2015 #29

Either a Mormon or johovah witness yeoman6987 Dec 2015 #30

Bible thumper is a commonly used and apt description independentpiney Dec 2015 #44

I don't like it. It belittles the message of the person saying it. yeoman6987 Dec 2015 #64

Maybe they shoud keep their "message" to themselves independentpiney Dec 2015 #75

+1 Go Vols Dec 2015 #149

Why Kalidurga Dec 2015 #52

Bible thumper is the correct description for them. haikugal Dec 2015 #57

Whatever. And you wonder why they win. Our explanations are for 2 year olds. yeoman6987 Dec 2015 #65

What explanations! It was a comment. haikugal Dec 2015 #68

What do you call Muslims in the Middle East? Please don't answer. yeoman6987 Dec 2015 #69

I'm unfamiliar with Muslims... haikugal Dec 2015 #71

Win what? Person 2713 Dec 2015 #70

How about god botherer? Does god botherer work for you? GoneOffShore Dec 2015 #138

I politely tell them that I'm not interested pintobean Dec 2015 #31

At 16, I expect she was... 3catwoman3 Dec 2015 #40

It wasn't the 1st time she had heard it from me pintobean Dec 2015 #58

I tell them that I don't do the Angry Desert Sky Wizard thing . . . hatrack Dec 2015 #35

They haven't knocked on my door since I told them notadmblnd Dec 2015 #39

LOL! Colander on the head is great (and quick to manage). Must remember that. Nt JudyM Dec 2015 #154

Thank you for making me appreciate one more benefit DamnYankeeInHouston Dec 2015 #41

Looks like you have it handled. WhiteTara Dec 2015 #43

I tell them I am an Atheist. SamKnause Dec 2015 #47

Just tell them "I worship privately but thanks anyway" and close the door with a smile. OregonBlue Dec 2015 #48

That's why I have dogs world wide wally Dec 2015 #49

That's why I have a door buzzard pinboy3niner Dec 2015 #54

Stahp! Staaahp! Nay Dec 2015 #63

LOL.... AngryOldDem Dec 2015 #73

lol Renew Deal Dec 2015 #77

...and it ain't vultural reality. Eleanors38 Dec 2015 #96

... Arugula Latte Dec 2015 #97

It's alive! It's aliiiive! Hekate Dec 2015 #173

The same way I get rid of those people selling magazines B2G Dec 2015 #56

Once I said.... elfin Dec 2015 #59

You tell them to leave your property and that you are not interested. Yo_Mama Dec 2015 #60

I use a language other than English (not Spanish, either) Proserpina Dec 2015 #66

Blow crack smoke in their face Facility Inspector Dec 2015 #67

Two ways: AngryOldDem Dec 2015 #72

I would tell him that the thunder/mountain God of the Israelites cheapdate Dec 2015 #74

I usually try to figure out something nice to say before saying I won't be coming to their church struggle4progress Dec 2015 #76

I actually just had two such men stop by my house Siwsan Dec 2015 #78

Funny SwankyXomb Dec 2015 #92

I Have Guards Posted The River Dec 2015 #79

I've found that being honest and kind gets the best results. Maedhros Dec 2015 #82

They keep trying because they think they are saving you from an awful ending. Egnever Dec 2015 #83

I used to live in a neighborhood that got flooded with Crazy Christians once a week... Walk away Dec 2015 #84

I had a fairly large NO SOLICITING sign when I lived in Houston. Manifestor_of_Light Dec 2015 #163

They usually come in twos - look out the window and refuse jwirr Dec 2015 #87

Religion solicitors don't worry me. blogslut Dec 2015 #88

Yeah, I worry about those kids too Cal Carpenter Dec 2015 #112

I just tell them we're Buddhists. Tierra_y_Libertad Dec 2015 #89

Lol, there's a Liberty University ad at the bottom of this thread. giftedgirl77 Dec 2015 #90

It depends on what kind of mood I'm in. Vinca Dec 2015 #91

This is funny as heck, I just had sorefeet Dec 2015 #94

I don't have respect for the beliefs themselves -- they're completely wacky. Arugula Latte Dec 2015 #121

Thats what I meant to sorefeet Dec 2015 #161

Cool. We are on the same page. Arugula Latte Dec 2015 #165

Answer the door while naked. Eleanors38 Dec 2015 #95

I have a sign posted: Arugula Latte Dec 2015 #98

Invite them in Android3.14 Dec 2015 #101

close the door and don't answer it when they come back. abakan Dec 2015 #102

Fire up a fatty..... ghostsinthemachine Dec 2015 #103

A lot mellower than I used to. BarbaRosa Dec 2015 #104

me, too. No need to be rude to folks as long as they are polite as ours always are... CTyankee Dec 2015 #106

Flamethrower. AzDar Dec 2015 #107

At my mom's house we used to get them to come to the door - now at my current MillennialDem Dec 2015 #108

Well, that would certainly answer some questions, I guess. ladyVet Dec 2015 #166

I tell them I am firmly against symbolic cannibalism and the worship of torture devices. Cassiopeia Dec 2015 #109

Depends how they act, and how much time I have. JoePhilly Dec 2015 #110

I get them every two weeks in my area. FloridaBlues Dec 2015 #111

We used a "no solicitors" sign and placed it inanna Dec 2015 #113

Our sign is similar: "NO SOLICITORS -- religious or otherwise. We are happy just the way we are. LuckyLib Dec 2015 #179

Immediately say Not INTERESTED HockeyMom Dec 2015 #114

Shout "Hail Satan" and watch them run. Paula Sims Dec 2015 #116

Bwahahahhahahahaha!! darkangel218 Dec 2015 #180

I've lived here since 1987 and had one call like that in all those years tularetom Dec 2015 #117

With a sign that says: a la izquierda Dec 2015 #118

I fuck with them BIG TIME JunkYardDogg Dec 2015 #119

The most aggressive solicitor of the past 5 years was Greenpeace Prism Dec 2015 #122

Honestly, I talk to them. Marr Dec 2015 #123

I don't open my door unless I know who's there. nt valerief Dec 2015 #126

Soon as they ring the doorbell, saltpoint Dec 2015 #127

Night nurses are RABID when some asshole wakes them up to sell them Jesus Warpy Dec 2015 #128

As a general rule, I try to be civil. SomethingNew Dec 2015 #130

I am more likely to get people looking for day work...mowing, weeding, snow removal CTyankee Dec 2015 #132

explosives? bowens43 Dec 2015 #133

They are extremely insecure people looking for acceptance. When one tells them their RKP5637 Dec 2015 #134

Depends on the sect TlalocW Dec 2015 #137

my cold eye stare and "not interested, thanks" usually works. JanMichael Dec 2015 #140

When I answered the door the cleancut gentleman with the pamphlets grntuscarora Dec 2015 #141

i am usually polite, chat a bit, thank them and say I have to get back to some work I was doing DrDan Dec 2015 #142

Same way I get rid of political canvassers doing precisely the same thing... LanternWaste Dec 2015 #143

Answer the door naked. KamaAina Dec 2015 #145

I let them get a look at my religious statues Marrah_G Dec 2015 #146

Heh Hekate Dec 2015 #171

Know more about the Bible (KJV, the apocrypha, and the book of Mormon) than they do. haele Dec 2015 #147

Gimp costume. briv1016 Dec 2015 #148

"I don't talk about my beliefs with people who go door-to-door." Brickbat Dec 2015 #150

i don't completely believe you said that Enrique Dec 2015 #151

My cousin was once married to a man who kind of looked like Jesus KansDem Dec 2015 #153

Before they say anything, I smile, say "No thank you", then close the door. Iggo Dec 2015 #155

I just tell them I'm not interested in a firm tone of voice, smile, and gently close the door steve2470 Dec 2015 #156

I tell them I can't talk right now because I'm too busy masturbating. Act_of_Reparation Dec 2015 #157

I asked 2 Mormons if I could have 2 wives in 2005 (I'm female) we can do it Dec 2015 #158

I simply have a Mezuzah on my door. MosheFeingold Dec 2015 #159

we have one, too, but it can't be seen from the outside. As I said earlier in the thread CTyankee Dec 2015 #168

Technically MosheFeingold Dec 2015 #169

Oh, Moshe, don't worry about it. CTyankee Dec 2015 #174

On a trip Runningdawg Dec 2015 #160

I get those Watch Tower Jehovah’s Witnesses banging on my door every B Calm Dec 2015 #162

I tell them I'm calling the cops Major Nikon Dec 2015 #164

Ask them the latitude and longitude of their birth, day and minute... MrMickeysMom Dec 2015 #167

I say, "Go in peace," as I shut the door. It's better karma all around. Hekate Dec 2015 #170

"Why get aggravated? Just send them on their way with words of peace." Ikonoklast Dec 2015 #178

Take their pamphlet and say thanks. Zing Zing Zingbah Dec 2015 #172

Many years ago, I used to have a neighbor HeiressofBickworth Dec 2015 #175

Quote the Bible at them. Matthew 6:5 and 6:6. Erich Bloodaxe BSN Dec 2015 #176

I look to see who it is, then put on a Gasmask I have by the door and pick up the fake machete. Katashi_itto Dec 2015 #181

"Salaam Aleikum"? AnnieBW Dec 2015 #183

"no preaching plaque" Warren DeMontague Dec 2015 #184

Even here in Korea I occasionally come across people like this davidpdx Dec 2015 #186

My Fave ProfessorGAC Dec 2015 #188

those are usually Jehovah's Witnesses or Mormons. Spider Jerusalem Dec 2015 #189