General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Adults that spoil kids aggravate me [View all]Skelly
(238 posts)...is another's 'progressive' parent. Even in some cases, seen as a 'restrictive' parent. After 30 years and five children, I have been told all three. It all depends on the judging person's perspective.
While dining in finer restaurants, other customers would come up to our table and compliment us on our children (funny how I remember that same thing happening to my mother when she took my sister and I out to eat).
I have had some other mom's tell me I am too permissive...I shouldn't be letting my 3yr daughter rifle through my stuff (my jewelry box). She was curious about it and wanted to explore it. She could not damage anything in there or be harmed.
I heard the 'tsk' tsk' (you'll spoil her) when I carried my baby around in a snugglie becasue she cried in the playpen. What baby wouldn't rather be with their mother?
And a group of women once pounced on me when I mentioned we don't buy cola products (kids were now tweens) like I was the worst mother in the world.
Having children in the company of adults for conversations is a wonderful thing. Of course the topics are chosen wisely. Children can be removed to another activity if 'those' types of conversations need to begin. Since none of my five children spent their childhood locked up in a room with 30 other kids their own age, day after day, year after year, they were around many adults, babies, teens, children of all ages. I think this prepared them on how to communicate with people different than themselves. (a mother at my daughter's dance class came up and told me how much she always enjoyed talking with my daughter. She was 10).
Taking children to restaurants to learn how to behave is a teaching moment. The first few tries may not end happily. And other patrons of that particular restaurant will only see 'bratty' kids.
I work in a restaurant now. My children are all grown. I see every day how parents react with their children. Yes, there are bratty ones, but mostly they are just being normal kids doing normal kid stuff and they have parents that are teaching them what is appropriate.
When I am out and about and run into family with children, most times I enjoy watching them. The times I do not, the kids are obviously out of control and the parents do nothing to control them. Depending on the situation, I may try to take control (honey, running around in this restaurant is very dangerous to yourself and to others. If you need to leave your seat, make sure you do so carefully and not bump anyone) or I leave the area (restaurant, store, etc) and let the management know why I am leaving.
Even my perspective is subjective. But at least it keeps my stress level down. I have done something to stop the annoyance.
It is only human to have empathy for something you have experienced yourself. So it is no surprise that child free individuals have less tolerance for children than individuals who have children. People who do not have cell phones or who do not use them while driving have less tolerance towards people that do.
My suggestion for the OP would be to first try and understand what the situation really is...a teaching moment for the child (how the parents respond). If they do and are effective, then realize the 'annoyance' should be seen as a really great moment in that child's life. It is the miracle of raising a wonderful person right before your eyes. Second, if the parents do nothing, YOU try to make the teaching moment, not with stern judgement, but like a teacher to her student. If that fails, you leave the situation or tolerate it. I would leave. Even the best filet in the finest restaurant is not worth a child run amok or two adults arguing (why do men think that by taking their wives to a really fine dining establishment to ask for a divorce will NOT cause a scene?). Of course the same is true with animal lovers and their pets.