General Discussion

CoffeeCat

(24,411 posts)

2. I have a friend who was diagnosed with cancer

Wed Mar 30, 2016, 11:54 AM

Mar 2016

a year ago. She is fighting, but she knows that it will ultimately take her. For now, she's doing chemo and savoring every moment with her kids.

Yesterday, on her Facebook page--she posted an update. It wasn't good.

Someone responded, "Everything happens for a reason, and we can't possibly know what those reasons are."

I really wanted to crawl though my computer and punch that person. So, my friend has to read that she got cancer for "a reason"? A good reason that is part of some grand plan? So, she' suffering, her family is suffering and her husband will lose her, as will her children--but this is part of some larger-picture plan that has been set in motion?

I get that people don't always know what to say. It's very hard.

But people who spread that kind of malarky really need to just stay off the Internet.

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Highlight:

What Not To Say When Someone Is Sick [View all] HuckleB Mar 2016 OP

Great Piece JustAnotherGen Mar 2016 #1

Thanks, and thanks for sharing your story. HuckleB Mar 2016 #10

Oh DOG, do I feel your pain! dorkzilla Mar 2016 #15

I have HLB27 Gene Ankylosing Spondylitis JustAnotherGen Mar 2016 #18

Thank you for that! dorkzilla Mar 2016 #24

... Behind the Aegis Mar 2016 #71

"Take your cues from the afflicted person" Behind the Aegis Mar 2016 #72

After I told the DU I was terminal with FTD I got several suggestions on things to try Omaha Steve Mar 2016 #37

I am very sorry to hear about your disease. n/t dixiegrrrrl Mar 2016 #61

I have a friend who was diagnosed with cancer CoffeeCat Mar 2016 #2

they posted that?! retrowire Mar 2016 #11

No, I'm not kidding. CoffeeCat Mar 2016 #19

What a vile person JustAnotherGen Mar 2016 #20

My mom had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma 8 years ago dorkzilla Mar 2016 #29

I hate that question JustAnotherGen Mar 2016 #34

Wow, that is a vile way of thinking. I avoid people like that in real life. Rex Mar 2016 #51

My mom has very poor judgement as regards friends dorkzilla Mar 2016 #54

'You DON'T get to fuck with my tribe with me around and live to tell the tale' Rex Mar 2016 #56

If I took a picture of my house right now, you'd feel right at home dorkzilla Mar 2016 #58

Awesome, I love it. Family time for me is going with my parents to Half Price Books. Rex Mar 2016 #59

Hahaha, if I had children I'd wonder if I was talking to my own kid right now! dorkzilla Mar 2016 #64

None of us. That is why I cherish the posters here too that I've grown with. My friends and family. Rex Mar 2016 #81

If I could get a do-over that's what I would be dorkzilla Mar 2016 #82

ugh eom LittleGirl Mar 2016 #30

The internet is incapable of conveying real intimacy, so never a good place Lodestar Mar 2016 #77

from experience i would agree...the best thing you can do is just be with them...talk to them... islandmkl Mar 2016 #3

Absolutely! -eom- HuckleB Mar 2016 #88

My husband is going through this right now, with a long time friend and colleague. MoonRiver Mar 2016 #4

K&R Solly Mack Mar 2016 #5

One thing you can say is, "What can I do to help?" csziggy Mar 2016 #6

Nice! n/t Wilms Mar 2016 #8

Don't ask. TELL TexasBushwhacker Mar 2016 #14

Wonderful advice! nt dorkzilla Mar 2016 #16

I think you're right... Phentex Mar 2016 #23

Along the same thought TexasBushwhacker Mar 2016 #27

Cooking a few meals and storing them in a sick friend's fridge malaise Mar 2016 #50

This is great with some people, but I'd be cautious about it with others LeftishBrit Mar 2016 #25

You're absolutely right... dorkzilla Mar 2016 #63

This, so much. winter is coming Mar 2016 #17

^^^THIS^^^ jwirr Mar 2016 #22

Exactly. -eom- HuckleB Mar 2016 #79

What he doesn't address is skepticscott Mar 2016 #7

Yes. He does. As much as we might not like it, it's that person's body. ScreamingMeemie Mar 2016 #13

Not really, no skepticscott Mar 2016 #43

It isn't harming you. Not your business. Yes, really, yes ScreamingMeemie Mar 2016 #55

Novella spends a lot of effort skepticscott Mar 2016 #80

So letting the ignorant be ignorant never leads to bigger problems? HuckleB Mar 2016 #84

Totally agree. Been thru it enough to know how much sense your comment makes. n/t dixiegrrrrl Mar 2016 #62

That is none of arikara Mar 2016 #21

Even if it is an uninformed choice? skepticscott Mar 2016 #45

There is a difference between people being genuinely uninformed, and having the information but LeftishBrit Mar 2016 #69

I think it is honestly up to them at this stage - as long as they're adults LeftishBrit Mar 2016 #26

Also, please don't say "I'll pray for you" unless you KNOW a person believes in prayer/a god. Arugula Latte Mar 2016 #9

exactly nt retrowire Mar 2016 #12

Most definitely! HuckleB Mar 2016 #28

thank you! eom LittleGirl Mar 2016 #33

I am not a believer but when friends offered to pray for me I thanked them csziggy Mar 2016 #35

But why should you be put in the position of possibly being "unkind" in the first place? Arugula Latte Mar 2016 #39

It depends on the person - if I thought telling them not to pray would impact csziggy Mar 2016 #44

I get what you're saying, but my comment was directed at religious people Arugula Latte Mar 2016 #46

Exactly. nt Duppers Mar 2016 #67

I agree with this. Know your audience. shrike Mar 2016 #73

Yes, exactly. Arugula Latte Mar 2016 #74

No problem. n/t shrike Mar 2016 #76

If I'm ever terminal, I pity the first fool who tells me "I'll pray for you." Iggo Mar 2016 #75

SBM is a pseudotheory of medicine based entirely around removing the human factor MisterP Mar 2016 #31

Not true at all. HuckleB Mar 2016 #32

what not to say when someone tells you they are terminal- mopinko Mar 2016 #36

Thanks for the great addition! HuckleB Mar 2016 #38

ya know mopinko Mar 2016 #41

If I know I am dying I'm going to go live out my days at a no-kill shelter dorkzilla Mar 2016 #65

My MIL definitely got a lot out of having her dog near her during her last months! HuckleB Mar 2016 #68

Good information, thanks! sagetea Mar 2016 #40

my sister is in a nursing home. mopinko Mar 2016 #42

Your story touched me very much. Pacifist Patriot Mar 2016 #49

"Alternative medicine makes it worse" Orrex Mar 2016 #47

Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed. Yes, indeed. HuckleB Mar 2016 #57

I feel there are only two sentences that ever need be said. Pacifist Patriot Mar 2016 #48

I like the second sentence. HuckleB Mar 2016 #86

Be there for them. As much as you can. Rex Mar 2016 #52

When my husband told his 7 siblings that he had kidney cancer.... Holly_Hobby Mar 2016 #53

Oh, geez. Ugh. HuckleB Mar 2016 #60

Thank you... Holly_Hobby Mar 2016 #66

That infuriates me more than almost anything at all Orrex Mar 2016 #85

Thank you for understanding... Holly_Hobby Mar 2016 #87

This is probably applicable to most situations. Behind the Aegis Mar 2016 #70

Do not tell them stories of "someone you know" who died of the same disease shrike Mar 2016 #78

Oh, wow! HuckleB Mar 2016 #83