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Butterbean

(1,014 posts)

57. It's not sick. I'm a L&D nurse. Some parents want this.

Mon Apr 18, 2016, 08:37 PM

Apr 2016

Look, not every mother that finds her baby has a diagnosis that is incompatible with life chooses abortion. Some choose to carry as far as they safely can in the pregnancy, and view it as precious time spent with their baby. Having spent almost 20 years at the bedside, and having delivered and participated in the deliveries of more stillbirths and/or dying babies than I care to discuss, I assure you, this is not "sick." It is something that the parents NEED to process their grief, and it is their damned choice. I respect their choice to do that just as I respect the choice of the parents who choose termination.

I have never had to hear those awful words that my baby could not live outside of my body and would die at birth. I have never had to make that heartwrenching decision. I will not pass judgment on those who have.

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IMHO This is sick, sick, sick... [View all] reACTIONary Apr 2016 OP

So the infants greatest sensation will be dying, I don't really know what to say about that. Rex Apr 2016 #1

dying? that is simply part of the life cycle Jeffersons Ghost Apr 2016 #3

Not usually for an infant though, which was my point. Rex Apr 2016 #6

You apparently have a better grasp on this than... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #13

I just would not do it myself, it doesn't sound right to me. Rex Apr 2016 #37

I'd share you judgment if it was me. But families deserve to be able to do this, if they want Bucky Apr 2016 #59

I think it is ultimately a private matter that is none of my business. Rex Apr 2016 #77

Have you lost a child soon after birth? WillowTree Apr 2016 #2

Nope, but.... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #16

You should have no opinion unless moonbabygo Apr 2016 #22

Sorry, I do have an opinion. I think you are right..... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #27

that is not true, hollysmom Apr 2016 #30

how sad moonbabygo Apr 2016 #39

for a lighter answer, live long enough and a lot of stuff happens. hollysmom Apr 2016 #42

LOL moonbabygo Apr 2016 #43

her mother didn't take it well hollysmom Apr 2016 #50

No, she'll see the fur. Needs a heads up. It happens. elehhhhna Apr 2016 #51

Sounds like it was just Lanugo, which is usually unpigmented and falls out shortly Hekate Apr 2016 #86

her fur was very dark, black. and she was born 2 weeks late so they had to induce the mother. hollysmom Apr 2016 #87

Yeah that would surely be memorable! Hekate Apr 2016 #89

Me either. WillowTree Apr 2016 #38

I think we have to consider more than just the grieving parents... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #56

I missed the part of the article that talked about these babies suffering. WillowTree Apr 2016 #84

I object to the mandating of informing people about perinatal hospice as part of abortion Brickbat Apr 2016 #4

How's this? Igel Apr 2016 #11

I got the impression drmeow Apr 2016 #83

Username checks out MowCowWhoHow III Apr 2016 #5

. Brickbat Apr 2016 #8

Check. Now that you've dissed me... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #18

Absolutely gratuitous Apr 2016 #7

Yep easttexaslefty Apr 2016 #29

Me too. elehhhhna Apr 2016 #52

Personally, I don't think that putting another human being... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #55

Yeah, you said that gratuitous Apr 2016 #73

So, you would mandate Bettie Apr 2016 #101

Even seconds spend with your child are precocious ... I know from personal experience. nt hack89 Apr 2016 #9

I'm sorry for your loss. My own choice would be .... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #20

And that should absolutely be your option. WillowTree Apr 2016 #40

I consider this a matter of choice and I would support any parent who chose this route. Arkansas Granny Apr 2016 #10

Yes, it's a matter of choise, and IMHO.... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #12

All I can say is that I hope you are never faced with this tragic circumstance. Arkansas Granny Apr 2016 #15

I hope no one will ever be faced with such an tragedy.. reACTIONary Apr 2016 #19

Way to take a stand there, reACTIONary. Way to take a stand. Brickbat Apr 2016 #17

The decision should be made by the parents and their doctor malaise Apr 2016 #45

This isn't sick-- it is heartbreaking... TreasonousBastard Apr 2016 #14

It certainly is their choice.... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #23

Says the poster with "seek to understand" in the sig line. Brickbat Apr 2016 #25

Having and expressing an opinion ..... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #31

Expressing an opinion doesn't make you an asshole. Brickbat Apr 2016 #33

Where's the sick part? Iggo Apr 2016 #21

It's sick in my opinion because it's . ... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #24

Simmer down. Dying newborns tend to create "big dramatic" productions, no? elehhhhna Apr 2016 #53

It's also not your choice Warpy Apr 2016 #54

IMHO, this is what choice is all about. ScreamingMeemie Apr 2016 #26

Yes, expressing opinions about the choices of others . .. reACTIONary Apr 2016 #34

It says more about the "opinion holder" than it does about the person he/she is judging. ScreamingMeemie Apr 2016 #35

^^ +1. . . .n/t annabanana Apr 2016 #111

What is sick about it easttexaslefty Apr 2016 #28

In my opinion, dealing with grief, "moving on", etc. does not justify ..... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #58

You're assuming easttexaslefty Apr 2016 #95

All I care about is that the baby narnian60 Apr 2016 #32

This, I think, is the salient point. eom. reACTIONary Apr 2016 #69

I used to call forms and formats of grieving I'm wholly unfamiliar with "sick," too. LanternWaste Apr 2016 #36

YUo HAve No CLue 4Q2u2 Apr 2016 #41

I have no problem with this maxrandb Apr 2016 #44

I'm with you about the right to choose, but ... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #65

This makes me extremely angry. Adrahil Apr 2016 #46

The different between Hurt and Pain 4Q2u2 Apr 2016 #47

I'm am so glad you found that peace. Adrahil Apr 2016 #49

Both of you made the choice that Bettie Apr 2016 #102

So that's what Rick Santorum is up to these days! KamaAina Apr 2016 #48

It's not sick. I'm a L&D nurse. Some parents want this. Butterbean Apr 2016 #57

You certianly have much more experience and knowledge of these situations... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #61

Do you think we DON'T focus on comfort care for the baby at all? Seriously?? Butterbean Apr 2016 #62

I don't believe that "pain management" justifies what, in my opinion, is... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #66

Okee dokee, we are at an impasse here. Butterbean Apr 2016 #68

Thanks for your insights.... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #71

... OneGrassRoot Apr 2016 #108

I have long that, while most times your job must be very rewarding, ScreamingMeemie Apr 2016 #93

Thank you Bettie Apr 2016 #103

By the way, as for the photographer, that's a service a lot of hospitals offer for FREE. Butterbean Apr 2016 #60

I personally don't believe that memorializing... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #63

A lot of people don't at the time. Butterbean Apr 2016 #64

Thanks for your insights on this issue.... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #67

No problem. It saddens me that you find it so repulsive. Butterbean Apr 2016 #70

Well, I thought we were at an impass... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #72

It is not a Death Dance 4Q2u2 Apr 2016 #75

Thank you for this and I'm so sorry you went through that, but glad you had kind nurses. n/t Butterbean Apr 2016 #81

Our first died during labor as well Bettie Apr 2016 #104

I treasure the pictures of my son... OneGrassRoot Apr 2016 #74

+100000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 4Q2u2 Apr 2016 #78

Hugs to you and your wife. Butterbean Apr 2016 #80

It is (in my opinion) one of the most painful events a person/couple has to endure... ScreamingMeemie Apr 2016 #91

... OneGrassRoot Apr 2016 #97

I am so sorry for the loss of your son, your baby Joshua. N/t Butterbean Apr 2016 #79

I'm the oldest sibling, and I am the one who remembers my mother's miscarriages and stillbirth... Hekate Apr 2016 #88

As a child, that must have been so hard for you. ScreamingMeemie Apr 2016 #92

Thank you, Hekate... OneGrassRoot Apr 2016 #98

I am so sorry you had to read this kind of stuff, here, of all places. ScreamingMeemie Apr 2016 #90

... OneGrassRoot Apr 2016 #109

I'm a he... reACTIONary Apr 2016 #94

No, read what I wrote again... OneGrassRoot Apr 2016 #96

This message was self-deleted by its author UtahJosh Apr 2016 #105

So sorry for your loss Bettie Apr 2016 #106

... OneGrassRoot Apr 2016 #107

As the mother of 2 preemies who were in the NICU, EllieBC Apr 2016 #76

Yes, one of my friends worked PICU and they go there as well. Butterbean Apr 2016 #82

For 170 years photographers have helped grieving families... Hekate Apr 2016 #85

I agree, it is in poor taste to disparage how others deal with death. Thor_MN Apr 2016 #99

We lost our first child at birth Bettie Apr 2016 #100

My neighbor had a baby born too early to live and was probably one of these babies. CTyankee Apr 2016 #110

Did you really read the article? Raine1967 Apr 2016 #112