Fat "acceptance" - from the PoV of a fat person [View all]

[nadine_mn]

I am morbidly obese - not pleasantly plump, not just overweight, not "plus" sized.

And I hate it. I engage in the behavior that led to my fatness - not because it was a goal to be fat, but because eating is my go to coping mechanism. I eat when I am stressed, bored, happy, sad, etc. And I don't exercise enough.

It becomes a vicious circle of self-defeating behavior - I know I would feel better if I exercised, but it hurts to exercise because I'm fat, I get depressed, I eat. Somewhere in there I have to break that cycle. But that is not what this post is about.

I get really, really pissed at people who say fat acceptance is a bad - that it encourages people to be fat. No, that would be fat encouragement. Or people who say that making seats in theaters, planes, etc will only encourage people to be fatter. Or that showing overweight people in media: magazines, tv, movies will make being overweight "normal".

As a fat person, let me debunk this attitude right now. I have never in all my years gone to a place that had larger, more comfortable seats and said to myself "well, damn... I can now eat more. Look I even have room to grow". What I do think when I see people who like me represented in media in a positive way is that hey - I am more than my weight. People might actually enjoy my company, my opinion or my $$ at their establishment.

What it does "encourage" is for people like me to get out and socialize, take part in events, and be around other people and enjoy my life. W hen that happens, I eat less, get out more, even get in a little exercise. I feel better about myself and get motivated to do it again. By no means am I saying that it is the responsibility of others, of businesses etc to make special accommodations or that they have a responsibility for my happiness.

I have said no to outings because I know damn well sitting in too small of a seat will make me miserable. I am not motivated to lose weight so I can go next time - instead I stay home, self-isolate and feel crappy. I know that I am not the only overweight person who just feels defeated at the idea of leaving the house, so they stay away from friends, family and the more a person isolates themselves, the more prone to depression they are. And one way to cope with depression is to eat. Some people drink, some exercise, some smoke - some over eat.

Now some people, DO get motivated by this - so if that is you - good for you! (No sarcasm) Seriously, whatever works is great. This is not a demand for places to be fat friendly so I get off my ass.

To me fat acceptance is not saying "wahoo everyone get fatter." To me fat acceptance is just acknowledging the fact that someone is overweight, without judgment or stereotyping someone as lazy, smelly, slow, etc. You know, not being a jerk.

Fat shaming doesn't work for me - never has. Trust me, I know I am fat, I know I eat too much and exercise too little. Laughing, mocking, sneering, telling me that you are "just concerned for my health" - all that does is hurt my feelings.
And I don't understand why some people think that is ok - I don't go around doing that to you. I feel the same way for people who are very thin, when people yell at them to eat a sandwich - I don't understand why people think that is ok either.

Nothing can ruin a day when you have just lost a pound (if overweight) or gained a pound (if you need to) like some asshat commenting on what is on your plate or how you look. And most of the time, these asshats get very offended if you call them out on their behavior and will claim that they are just trying to be helpful.

I was waddling around the track at the Y one day, huffing and puffing along. One of the trainers was running laps and as he passed by he said something like "keep up the good work". Seriously made my day and sure enough, I was motivated to keep on going. That is what fat acceptance is to me and I wish more people would understand that.