Public Service Announcement. Wednesday I found a post on FB about a long-time dear friend [View all]

[underahedgerow]

who suddenly died at home.

He was youngish, just 51. In great shape, went to the gym regularly, didn't smoke, drank socially, ate well, had a lovely, non-stressful job, and a calm, joyful lifestyle with many great friends. As a gay man, he was very well loved by his friends and colleagues, and known for his smile and quiet humor.

He was found when his neighbor and friends heard his dog had been whining all night. A couple of the neighbors and friends had the police help them to enter the apartment.

He was dead in his bathroom, had a heart attack on the toilet. Apparently, as the cops said, this happens more often that people think. (I even suggested to the friend that found him to perhaps keep that bit of info on the down low, although we KNOW the deceased would have appreciated the irony of it all.)

Well, this is why people die on the toilet, far more often than you think: http://everything2.com/title/Why+people+die+on+the+toilet

That being said, we are finding it nearly impossible to track down his mother, sisters and brother. They're not present on the internet in any fashion. We had only convinced him to get on facebook just 2 years ago. He only got an iphone when his employer 'made' him. His mother moved sometime in the past 6 years and he didn't update her contact info with his employer.

The coroner won't let his friends into the apartment, it's been officially sealed, to get to his iphone, which we hope has his family contact numbers, or to even find a phone book with updated contact info. The coroner policy is to only allow entry with a family member! But, we can't find the family members without entry to the apartment! Bit of a vicious circle there....

So I dug as deep as I could on the web to track down names and last known locations of his mom and sisters and brothers, and at least that info, and have passed it onto the coroner for now, figuring they have access to municipal records that a normal citizen wouldn't.

We've put out a request on his FB page for any info his friends might have, with little results.... It appears his friends really were his family.

I also suggested to his close friend that perhaps a branch might accidentally break a window, and to make sure the branch is wearing gloves if that unforeseen incident takes place.

We also believe he's died without a will, but he doesn't have much in the way of assets, he was a modest fellow. I checked with our mutual friend who used to do his taxes and stuff, and she's never done a will for him.

All of his worldly goods will go to his mother, which isn't a bad thing, I suppose, but she may not have the resources to take care of what all needs disposition. We're hoping she or his sisters/brothers will turn it over to the friends that were his family. I'm thinking his family may not have 'approved of his lifestyle' if they were that off the net/grid.

So, there's some lessons here, DUers. Make sure your contact info is up to date in case of an emergency, and that your friends and family have cross information for each others contacts. Make sure a neighbor has a key, or knows where one is.

At least put your basic wishes in writing, and if you have a genuine estate of any value, make sure it's dedicated to the right people. Better yet, put together a formal will that is very specific.

Lastly, eat your veg, get that toilet step, or take those vitamin E capsules!