General Discussion

mrmpa

(4,033 posts)

2. Yes....

Thu Sep 29, 2016, 02:24 AM

Sep 2016

Tell your son to keep it in his pants. Only have an encounter when he & his partner are capable of consent. No means no. If he's hot & bothered and in bed with her & she says no, then he needs to retreat from the situation.

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This message was self-deleted by its author [View all] Dream Girl Sep 2016 OP

Incapacitated? Define it. Warpy Sep 2016 #1

You are making a couple incorrect assumptions here WestCoastLib Sep 2016 #38

Yes.... mrmpa Sep 2016 #2

NO IS NO Doreen Sep 2016 #3

That's not the issue. If neither one says YES, did either one positively consent? pnwmom Sep 2016 #128

This is a difficult topic that would probably be better served elsewhere than GD Hekate Sep 2016 #4

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #19

First, let me say I liked the "Tea" stick figures. Second... Hekate Sep 2016 #42

If your son is so drunk that he does not know if he is having sex or not INdemo Sep 2016 #104

typically, alcohol is used as an EXCUSE by men when they rape Skittles Sep 2016 #5

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #25

you should be ashamed obamanut2012 Sep 2016 #33

Completely and absolutely disagree with you. It's an EXCELLENT question. closeupready Sep 2016 #40

lolz obamanut2012 Sep 2016 #118

I do too Skittles Sep 2016 #94

thank you!! niyad Sep 2016 #50

the people who claim they don't get it Skittles Sep 2016 #97

yes, it certainly is. niyad Sep 2016 #120

You're not answering the OP's question. If neither one objects to sex, ,but BOTH partners are pnwmom Sep 2016 #129

If neither OBJECTS, then neither SAID NO. It's really that simple. KittyWampus Sep 2016 #160

But if a person is incapacitated, are they capable of giving consent? pnwmom Sep 2016 #161

If neither objects that is a non-factor. It is merely an abstraction and non of your business. KittyWampus Sep 2016 #162

If two guys are drunk (guy A and guy B) .... etherealtruth Sep 2016 #6

WHY DOES GUY A HAVE TO BE TEH ADULT?!11!1 obamanut2012 Sep 2016 #34

Eeee gad .... that's why my examples involved 2 men and crimes other than rape etherealtruth Sep 2016 #36

Thank YOU! smirkymonkey Sep 2016 #88

unfortunately, this conversation gets a lot of absolutism on people having sex after drinking Warren DeMontague Sep 2016 #7

I think if either partner is incapacitated jamzrockz Sep 2016 #138

Seems you have your answer 6chars Sep 2016 #8

BULLSHIT! Women are always held accountable for their actions and are blamed for what they did Liberal_Stalwart71 Sep 2016 #53

exactly!!!!! niyad Sep 2016 #59

There are very specific statutes about this. yardwork Sep 2016 #9

I'm sorry to hear that you suffered a sexual assault Orrex Sep 2016 #10

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #16

It's always ugly. Thank you for sharing. Orrex Sep 2016 #17

Teach our sons and men to be responsible...just as pressure is put on girls/women for the same. Liberal_Stalwart71 Sep 2016 #11

My personal rule is if I think either of us is drunk mythology Sep 2016 #12

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #15

Better question malaise Sep 2016 #13

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #20

No - in these parts parents introduced us to beer and wine malaise Sep 2016 #21

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #14

two people getting drunk and consensually screwing isn't rape geek tragedy Sep 2016 #18

You know it is not that simple jberryhill Sep 2016 #70

both should be treated equally, assuming there's no element of coersion etc. geek tragedy Sep 2016 #93

I think Nye Bevan nails it down thread jberryhill Sep 2016 #95

too drunk to consent but sober enough for a mens rea finding? nt geek tragedy Sep 2016 #106

I'd have to see a relevant sexual assault statute jberryhill Sep 2016 #113

You do need to remember false rape accusations are rare mythology Sep 2016 #24

Exactly. athena Sep 2016 #123

When both are drunk.... demgurl Sep 2016 #48

Your son is terrified of that happening? alcibiades_mystery Sep 2016 #22

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #41

Oh, OK alcibiades_mystery Sep 2016 #44

Well, yeah. Adrahil Sep 2016 #23

Both parties have to be conscience enough to say yes WDIM Sep 2016 #26

conscious Skittles Sep 2016 #103

Conscience works, too. kwassa Sep 2016 #119

My take on it is Else You Are Mad Sep 2016 #27

Jesus Christ ismnotwasm Sep 2016 #28

.... obamanut2012 Sep 2016 #29

Holy Shit ismnotwasm Sep 2016 #32

yuppers obamanut2012 Sep 2016 #35

I would love the context salin Sep 2016 #108

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #45

Saying "no" is not required ... giving consent is required etherealtruth Sep 2016 #68

Your son is only 16? athena Sep 2016 #151

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #66

You mean if two people drink until they black out or are otherwise impaired? ismnotwasm Sep 2016 #89

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #99

That's because rape is taken slightly more seriously these days ismnotwasm Sep 2016 #107

Here's what I would say to the young man. haele Sep 2016 #30

This excellent, very cogent and on point. Thank you. Dream Girl Sep 2016 #60

Right. What do you say to the young woman? Can she have sex with a young man pnwmom Sep 2016 #140

Same thing. haele Sep 2016 #155

Come on now gollygee Sep 2016 #31

Not always. Two people could BOTH be drunk and not objecting to sex. Are they raping each other pnwmom Sep 2016 #131

It takes more than just two people not objecting gollygee Sep 2016 #165

My thoughts ArtD48 Sep 2016 #37

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #47

It's not a different standard ismnotwasm Sep 2016 #56

So if a man commits rape while intoxicted ismnotwasm Sep 2016 #54

It reads like that :puke: etherealtruth Sep 2016 #71

It certainly could be. Women rape men, but here on DU, that's unpopular closeupready Sep 2016 #39

What a creative and unsupported allegation! LanternWaste Sep 2016 #43

we see this crap all the time here--and can pretty well predict how quickly it will show up. niyad Sep 2016 #49

Rape is rape ismnotwasm Sep 2016 #57

Rape is rape, yes, agree - members of both genders commit rape. closeupready Sep 2016 #61

Well sure ismnotwasm Sep 2016 #75

Not going to respond to you any further. closeupready Sep 2016 #77

Okey dokey ismnotwasm Sep 2016 #78

This subject causes emotions to run high tymorial Sep 2016 #62

Oh, my - so sorry to hear that. :( closeupready Sep 2016 #76

Thanks but I am okay tymorial Sep 2016 #137

"women are not children"--well, NEITHER ARE MEN!!!!!! you are teaching your son niyad Sep 2016 #46

Exactly ismnotwasm Sep 2016 #51

Yes. Incapacitated people cannot really consent to anything. guillaumeb Sep 2016 #52

as a matter of curiosity, why are you specifically concerned about college rape and not niyad Sep 2016 #55

I was wondering the same thing. WillowTree Sep 2016 #58

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #63

the title of your thread was college rape. was asking why that, specifically, period. niyad Sep 2016 #64

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #72

I am truly sorry for what happened to you, and appreciate that you are trying to make niyad Sep 2016 #73

Suggestion for your son. WillowTree Sep 2016 #65

I'm 48 d_r Sep 2016 #67

In an effort to protect your son, you're using the same old rhetoric... cynatnite Sep 2016 #69

Borrowing a word from religion: AMEN!!!!!!! etherealtruth Sep 2016 #74

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #80

Yes. n/t TygrBright Sep 2016 #84

Yes. n/t cynatnite Sep 2016 #122

it would seem, they both rape each other. Warren DeMontague Sep 2016 #130

I once awoke in a woman's bedroom, missing my clothing and any recollection of the previous 6 hours. Moostache Sep 2016 #79

If two totally wasted people have consensual sex, there is no way one can call it "rape." rumdude Sep 2016 #82

Ask your son whether it would be rape if a drunk man had sex with him when he was incapacitated Heidi Sep 2016 #81

That's not the question being asked davidn3600 Sep 2016 #86

Re-read my reply. (nt) Heidi Sep 2016 #87

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #91

If ANY person involved says no or is incapacitated, it is rape. So, YES, it is. n/t TygrBright Sep 2016 #83

Entirely possible for both parties to be guilty of rape under today's standards. Nye Bevan Sep 2016 #85

I believe you are correct jberryhill Sep 2016 #96

Similar to, I guess, two drunk drivers who run into each other going closeupready Sep 2016 #98

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #100

Rape under the influence is a crime. Kingofalldems Sep 2016 #101

Correct - if they are both drunk, they are both guilty jberryhill Sep 2016 #114

Correct. .... Am I missing something? Are you objecting to my post? closeupready Sep 2016 #102

A decade ago when i was in college, my fraternity attended a seminar put on by our national Calista241 Sep 2016 #90

People should not have sex with drunk people that they're not in a real relationship with. prayin4rain Sep 2016 #92

I notice that some of the responses to your OP have missed your point ... Whiskeytide Sep 2016 #105

If your son was out cold on the bed and his drunk male roommate penetrated him... Fresh_Start Sep 2016 #109

consensual drunk sex is not rape - period taught_me_patience Sep 2016 #110

Here's where you go off the rails jberryhill Sep 2016 #115

Didn't I also say too drunk to stand or throwing up? taught_me_patience Sep 2016 #116

Good question. deathrind Sep 2016 #111

"Who is being raped?" The one who signs a complaint first. jmg257 Sep 2016 #112

An even more unpopular question: Nevernose Sep 2016 #117

I think the issue is that colleges have their own disciplinary systems, Nye Bevan Sep 2016 #143

That's almost exactly what my daughter told me Nevernose Sep 2016 #158

Considering how difficult it is athena Sep 2016 #121

+1000 DLevine Sep 2016 #124

It is offensive gollygee Sep 2016 #125

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #133

Unprocessed feelings don't disappear. athena Sep 2016 #149

It is obamanut2012 Sep 2016 #136

The answer is always NO until a sober YES is given. Thinkingabout Sep 2016 #126

Sober? So people who have been drinking can't ever have sex? Warren DeMontague Sep 2016 #127

What if both people are drunk and incapacitated? Have they both just raped each other? pnwmom Sep 2016 #132

"no sex after ingesting alcohol" seems like a mind-boggling unrealistic standard, no? Warren DeMontague Sep 2016 #134

Since alcohol reduces inhibitions, it seems pretty unrealistic. n/t pnwmom Sep 2016 #139

True. Im also talking about what actually happens, out there in the world. Warren DeMontague Sep 2016 #146

My wife wasn't in the mood but changed her mind after a couple of glasses of wine. Nye Bevan Sep 2016 #142

Pah. My wife has a glass of wine and falls asleep on the couch, that's how exciting we are. Warren DeMontague Sep 2016 #148

Good thing she's not a fan of DU. closeupready Sep 2016 #153

Folks keep using the word "incapacitated", but I think with very varied meanings. salin Sep 2016 #145

That is a pretty clear case, the Brock Turner thing, to my mind. Warren DeMontague Sep 2016 #150

Warren, I appreciate your thoughtful posts. salin Sep 2016 #154

I think it's a valuable conversation, but really I think the clear messaging should be around Warren DeMontague Sep 2016 #156

Good point. salin Sep 2016 #159

My standard since I was a young guy has MineralMan Sep 2016 #135

Exactly. athena Sep 2016 #147

I remember one time, in my college days. MineralMan Sep 2016 #166

Legally, yes: it is possible for two people to rape one another Recursion Sep 2016 #141

If both are incapacitated then there is no sex. dilby Sep 2016 #144

Good grief folks-don't you know a SPAM post when you see one?? Boxerfan Sep 2016 #152

I say sit back and enjoy the show. Pass the butter. Initech Sep 2016 #157

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #163

This message was self-deleted by its author Dream Girl Sep 2016 #164