my mother treated me like that, during my teens. We had been separated for several years and she was afraid of what horrid things I may have learned while she was trying to pick up where she left off... and I had three younger siblings she was trying to figure out as well. I know she had more "motherly-kind of affection" when I was very young, before the younger three arrived. And now, as she reaches 90 (!), we have a good relationship, even after many bumpy places along the way and I am very thankful for that. About twenty years ago, she seemed to forget why she didn't like me.
Had a really bad relationship with my dad, more like what you have with your mom, only exponentially worse. But my point here is that he's been gone for along time now, and nobody mentions him nor does anyone miss him. We have made what we can of our lives of which he made a living hell while we lived with him. I cried when I saw him for the last time... on the train home. All I can say is, once the initial passing has occurred, make peace as well as you can and go forward by letting go of whatever it is/was that brought you pain in that relationship. We all have our reasons for whom and what we are to others but we can't always "get" what that other being is dealing with internally, articulation is not everyone's strong suit.
Please enjoy your Mother's Day for yourself and the other moms in your world and be strong together. When your mom crosses over, let it bring you relief from the tension of that relationship and know that you can draw peace and strength by setting down that suitcase and walking away from it to heal your wounds free of that particular burden.
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