my mother is dying

[Highway61]

104. I can relate

I always loved my mother to pieces and I believed she loved me as well. I was very sick and hospitalized at age 11 -13 years. We lived on a large dairy farm and the closest hospital to treat me was in Philadelphia...3 plus hours away. My mom had to stay and room with a family who, back then, many families rented rooms for parents of sick children from "away" . Years later, I always felt she had a bit of resentment for her having to give up time away the farm and my Dad. I would always dismiss those thoughts thinking I was crazy or ungrateful.
She wasn't a warm and fuzzy person yet we always seemed to have a good time together and shared a lot of laughs.

Then when my own daughter passed away suddenly at age 19. I was in shock. It was later on my husband told me that my Mom was "disconnected" during that horrible time. I rationalized it as her being shocked as well.

When my Mom passed several years ago now, imagine my disbelief when the will was read that she put a clause at the end...that she leaves nothing to me because of "how she feels about me". She left it all to my younger republican brother who hates everybody equally, has never been there for her and has never worked a day in his life. (My Dad was a Kennedy Democrat.)

Life does not make sense at times. I have just retired and focus my love on my other daughter, my beautiful grandchildren (twins, age 6) and wonderful husband. I love them all to pieces. Their love is genuine as is mine. I wish it would have been different with my mom. It wasn't.

Focus on the memories. If you did deep there are some good ones. It's ALWAYS the laughter we remember. One thing I have learned and you have as well....In the end, it really is all about the love. Your heart is filled with love for those who truly love you as well. Peace, my friend.