General Discussion
In reply to the discussion: Adults that spoil kids aggravate me [View all]emcguffie
(1,924 posts)I have a daughter. SHe is now 18. She is very much her own person. And she was a very difficult child. She seemed to be spoiled -- she is an only child and probably is spoiled, to a degree --and she was incredibly stubborn. No "time out" ever worked on her. On a couple of occasions I locked her or us into a room until she stopped crying, and she just never stopped. It would go on for hours. Hours. She never would give in, never stop crying.
Now, she's 18, and she apologizes for the way she used to be. She says, "One day I realized what a brat I was. I'm so sorry for what I put you through!"
Now, where did she get that? From us? Did she just not hear us for those years? Were we terrible parents? Did she just mature on her own? I don't know.
But she was always completely her own person.
I would say, still, today, you cannot make her do anything she doesn't want to or doesn't agree to, in principle, in some way. She spends hours on Reddit, arguing with "Christians" -- she is an avowed atheist and loves Richard Dawkins; not something she learned from me. Tonight, we were visited by a couple of Mormons who brought her a Bible and a Book of Mormon, because she wanted those books, so she could read them and refer to them. She stood in the door and talked to them for hours. They are coming back to stand in the door for hours more on Sunday! She enjoys the discussion with someone she disagrees with!
Sorry, I've gone on for too long. There's that doting parent. But I don't think you can just plop kids down into one box or another, or into this category or that. They may seem spoiled and it may be that they are determined. Or it may be the opposite, I suppose. My daughter has simply always been the most determined, single-minded, immovable human I have ever known. And now she is more mature than she was, and is very sorry about the trouble she caused. But she is still quite single-minded, only now she writes philosophy essays that I cannot imagine ever writing, much less in high school. She just takes everything apart down to the last little shred of whatever....
Yeah, she was very, very difficult, and frequently quite obnoxious. And now she is very much a fully formed individual with a mind of her own.
I think such a person at a very young age might indeed be kind of obnoxious.