Serena Williams on having a baby: "I'm about to be a real woman now"

[Neema]

89. I agree that I don't think she meant anything by it,

but part of being a conscientious person is examining what you say and how it might be hurtful, however innocent your intentions might be. I think it's important to call people out (especially those with a public following) when they say stuff like this so that people can start recognizing how to better craft their words.

I think the subject of motherhood is especially fraught because infertility is so taboo. In my experience, it's okay to talk about for a very short amount of time, very discreetly, and only if you're actively pursuing every form of fertility treatment available (at which point you have everyone telling you that you should "just relax" and it will happen). Statements like "it hasn't worked out yet, but we're hopeful" are about as detailed as anyone wants. It's not okay mention miscarriage, grief, or any ambivalence at all about the process or the idea of motherhood.

Because it's so taboo, I think people make comments similar to Serena's without ever even realizing that 2 or 3 people within earshot might be really hurt by it. Shortly after moving into my house, I lost my final pregnancy in the second trimester. My new neighbors didn't know. I ran into one the day after it happened and she stopped to compliment me on my garden, then followed up with the comment "Lucky you. I have 2 kids so I don't have time for such things." She meant nothing by it, of course, but if she'd known she never would have said it.