General Discussion

Neema

(1,181 posts)

139. Vent all you want. I totally get it.

Tue Aug 8, 2017, 05:07 PM

Aug 2017

I remember being at a party and people started talking about pregnancy cravings and, without thinking, I blurted out an odd food I craved constantly. You would have thought I took a shit in the middle of the floor by reminding people that some women experience pregnancy and don't get to take a baby home from the hospital.

This thread really does make me realize that "fertile privilege" is a thing. Folks are getting downright hostile at the suggestion that comments like Serena's hurt, whether or not they were intentional.

We are silenced because we make people uncomfortable. People have no idea how many women in their lives have suffered with infertility and pregnancy loss. Or how many women are made to feel like they are crazy or substandard in some way because they don't want children. They would be absolutely shocked if they did, I think.

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Serena Williams on having a baby: "I'm about to be a real woman now" [View all] LittleBlue Aug 2017 OP

So, is she saying that women like me, for example, who wanted children so passsionately but The_REAL_Ecumenist Aug 2017 #1

First, so sorry for your loss Bettie Aug 2017 #20

I am so sorry for you losses. (eom) StevieM Aug 2017 #71

Agree, a grossly insensitive thing to say. Coventina Aug 2017 #40

My own infertility struggles not withstanding, Neema Aug 2017 #98

I think it's a weird by-product of reduced family sizes. Coventina Aug 2017 #99

I think you're right. Neema Aug 2017 #132

Don't even get me started. Coventina Aug 2017 #136

Vent all you want. I totally get it. Neema Aug 2017 #139

"fertile privilege" --I love it! Coventina Aug 2017 #142

Or lsewpershad Aug 2017 #129

Or who choose not to sweetroxie Aug 2017 #149

Most definitely agree!! Being a woman is not at all equivalent to being a mother. Coventina Aug 2017 #150

In the same boat sister and it pisses me off. Also when folks say "you don't know true love until Neema Aug 2017 #57

You don't know true frustration Bettie Aug 2017 #76

I feel the same Neema. SouthernIrish Aug 2017 #86

Just the circle of life Redlineoverdrive Aug 2017 #2

C'mon... AlexSFCA Aug 2017 #3

Sometimes people say things madaboutharry Aug 2017 #4

She's been competing since a teenager Mosby Aug 2017 #66

her whole career she's been the target of hurtful comments eShirl Aug 2017 #109

She's happy BeyondGeography Aug 2017 #5

Uh oh: Laffy Kat Aug 2017 #6

That explains torius Aug 2017 #7

I don't know. Seems to me that the feeling of becoming a real woman is different for everyone chowder66 Aug 2017 #8

I think you are confusing 'becoming a woman' with 'becoming an adult'. SharonClark Aug 2017 #25

I think some see them as interchangeable whether it's correct or not. nt chowder66 Aug 2017 #82

Every woman has the right to define who they are and what makes them uniquely woman RestoreAmerica2020 Aug 2017 #9

+1 applegrove Aug 2017 #10

Thank you. It's interesting, because elehhhhna Aug 2017 #12

Thread win (nt) Orrex Aug 2017 #14

Yep malaise Aug 2017 #38

+2 Kaleva Aug 2017 #75

Since she said "I" and was only speaking for herself... FM123 Aug 2017 #108

Agree, leave her be. She's happy and has every tight to express her feelings. Dream Girl Aug 2017 #117

Look, she's got baby on the brain, and this is a cringey thing to say elehhhhna Aug 2017 #11

Plenty of women who struggle with infertility or who just choose to not have children might care. Neema Aug 2017 #58

Only if they care what a random athlete they never met thinks elehhhhna Aug 2017 #92

I don't care what a random athlete thinks. But I do care what gets accepted as general truth, Neema Aug 2017 #96

This may sound awful but I will share what I know about top class athletes elehhhhna Aug 2017 #100

I totally agree with everything you're saying. Neema Aug 2017 #107

Okay I get you elehhhhna Aug 2017 #118

Thanks. Neema Aug 2017 #133

word. nt TheFrenchRazor Aug 2017 #146

I agree with you Madam Mossfern Aug 2017 #111

Thanks Madam Neema Aug 2017 #113

Me too get the red out Aug 2017 #115

I absolutely do not believe Neema Aug 2017 #134

When this quote gets thrown back in women's faces gratuitous Aug 2017 #68

I would remind those people that Serena is an outstanding athlete and elehhhhna Aug 2017 #93

Awww I see what you are doing here. Kingofalldems Aug 2017 #13

Awww, you support the Nationals LittleBlue Aug 2017 #85

What do the Nats have to do with anything? Kingofalldems Aug 2017 #116

Your comment was irrelevant to the OP, so I'd rather discuss baseball LittleBlue Aug 2017 #119

Maybe Jesus will intervene. Kingofalldems Aug 2017 #127

You mean lord and savior Harper LittleBlue Aug 2017 #159

Inartful but I give it a pass. WhiskeyGrinder Aug 2017 #15

Serena Can Have RobinA Aug 2017 #16

A real woman. tavernier Aug 2017 #17

She's 35. SharonClark Aug 2017 #26

I'm 70. tavernier Aug 2017 #29

They aren't? kwassa Aug 2017 #55

You mean they aren't?! lunatica Aug 2017 #88

My dad who died at 91 a few years back tavernier Aug 2017 #143

It isn't?! lunatica Aug 2017 #145

From a mans perspective. Weekend Warrior Aug 2017 #18

As a woman who can't have children I deal with this kind of crap all the time Lee-Lee Aug 2017 #19

I get it for having had c-sections Bettie Aug 2017 #21

My wife went through that with the fertility treatments tymorial Aug 2017 #30

Oh yeah Madam Mossfern Aug 2017 #114

Yep. Same here. Neema Aug 2017 #59

"She didn't mean it" "she's young" Lee-Lee Aug 2017 #123

"It's just locker room talk." "Boys will be boys." Neema Aug 2017 #140

Can I ask a question? LittleBlue Aug 2017 #87

Now that I'm in my 40's it's not Lee-Lee Aug 2017 #120

Gotcha LittleBlue Aug 2017 #122

So we are supposed to think she's insulting other women? nini Aug 2017 #22

Whether she meant to or not, she did. n/t Coventina Aug 2017 #45

YOU chose to interpret her words your way nini Aug 2017 #50

Nope. If a male athlete said he was about to become a "real man" because he had Coventina Aug 2017 #53

It wouldnt phase me a bit if a man said such a thing Kaleva Aug 2017 #63

Fine, but they don't get to define what being a "real woman" is. Coventina Aug 2017 #74

Apparently that is her goal and that is what she feels defines her. Kaleva Aug 2017 #77

No, she was identifying herself as entering a pre-existing group/ideal of real women Coventina Aug 2017 #79

Again, it's her definition Kaleva Aug 2017 #84

But apparently no respect for women who find "motherhood" a definition of "real woman" hurtful. Coventina Aug 2017 #95

I imagine that the words and actions of empowered women can be hurtful to others Kaleva Aug 2017 #155

Hurting others is not empowerment. Coventina Aug 2017 #160

at least she didn't threaten to kill another line judge in the middle of a match miyazaki Aug 2017 #65

And just a thought exercise, what if Ivanka Trump had said this? smirkymonkey Aug 2017 #78

Agreed. It is incredibly hurtful for those of us who have no offspring. Coventina Aug 2017 #80

Thank you. Neema Aug 2017 #101

Dear God/dess don't even get me started on the platitudes! Coventina Aug 2017 #104

It's also pretty tiresome to live in a society that tells a woman she's "less than" until Neema Aug 2017 #61

I agree with that overall nini Aug 2017 #72

I agree that I don't think she meant anything by it, Neema Aug 2017 #89

Sing it, sister. I've had so many miscarriages that I gave up counting them. Coventina Aug 2017 #73

Yup. You really do. Neema Aug 2017 #91

A stupid thing to say, but without a history of saying similar mythology Aug 2017 #23

It's not a stupid thing to say, if that is what she believes. SharonClark Aug 2017 #24

You're right, it's only a stupid thing to believe. Towlie Aug 2017 #28

As a one off statement from an excited expectant mother Bradical79 Aug 2017 #27

She Can Say What She WANTS... LovingA2andMI Aug 2017 #31

Everyone can say what they want. It's a matter of whether or not they choose to say something Neema Aug 2017 #62

She sounds confused SHRED Aug 2017 #32

It was an insensitive comment. She should apologize to other women who theophilus Aug 2017 #33

+1000 Duppers Aug 2017 #43

I was fortunate enough to have 2 easily... 3catwoman3 Aug 2017 #34

She's just happy. Let her be happy. nolabear Aug 2017 #35

no way we have to take apart every syllable that every one says about everything. grantcart Aug 2017 #103

I absolutely wish her the best and do not think she intended to insult anyone. Neema Aug 2017 #144

Grossly insensitive to those who for various reasons choose not or cannot. Coventina Aug 2017 #36

I'm just pissed because she was supposed to marry ME Blue_Tires Aug 2017 #37

It needs followup. theaocp Aug 2017 #39

I thought we outgrew such sentiment in the '60s or Duppers Aug 2017 #41

Here's an article that might enlighten the haters as to how she really feels nini Aug 2017 #42

She is happy.. this moment is about her and no one else.. so stop reading too much into it Le Gaucher Aug 2017 #44

Only she is a public figure. She is famous. LisaL Aug 2017 #49

Just stop, okay. Dream Girl Aug 2017 #121

No, not okay. LisaL Aug 2017 #153

That only goes for Serena. How ironic. Dream Girl Aug 2017 #156

Isn't there a distinction... oegthe Aug 2017 #46

When a trans man gives birth, does that make him a real woman? Coventina Aug 2017 #47

👍👍 Duppers Aug 2017 #52

I presume she didn't mean to upset anybody. LisaL Aug 2017 #48

It's sad to think that in America in 2017 TheDebbieDee Aug 2017 #51

Congratulations on your upcoming child Ms. Williams ismnotwasm Aug 2017 #54

+GooglePlex stevenleser Aug 2017 #60

Exactly ismnotwasm Aug 2017 #81

I laughed (admittedly derisively) almost 40 years ago when I heard the same words. no_hypocrisy Aug 2017 #56

Maybe it has something to do with the internet and media masculating her all the time. MrsCoffee Aug 2017 #64

I think that Serena needs a bit of gentle education. Caliman73 Aug 2017 #67

Personally, I don't think Serena needs to be reminded of anything. PragmaticLiberal Aug 2017 #70

cringe-worthy, but giving her a pass nt geek tragedy Aug 2017 #69

I guess she can be as excited as she wants, but damn, that's thoughtless. Orsino Aug 2017 #83

Honey, You're about to find out a 'real woman', like you say lunatica Aug 2017 #90

Massive overreaction to a small comment. Oneironaut Aug 2017 #94

Intention is not the only thing here. Of course her intention was not to be hurtful. Neema Aug 2017 #97

You were always a real woman, Serena. eShirl Aug 2017 #102

I have always wondered if I am a real women and now I know I'm not. Doreen Aug 2017 #105

You are loved and supported by those of us who have suffered the same or similar. Coventina Aug 2017 #106

Thank you. Doreen Aug 2017 #125

Another pseudo-woman here. Neema Aug 2017 #112

Each time I did not know I was pregnant. The last time I was pregnant was not an actual Doreen Aug 2017 #124

I'm sorry about your ectopic. I haven't experienced that but I have Neema Aug 2017 #141

Its a benign comment. phleshdef Aug 2017 #110

I was childfree by choice for many years -- now I'm childfree by biology Heddi Aug 2017 #126

Yep. I was also told that I would never know real love without having children. Coventina Aug 2017 #128

You'd think it wouldn't be allowed, but it is Heddi Aug 2017 #131

OMG. THIS! Neema Aug 2017 #137

This year on January 1st Heddi Aug 2017 #138

CONGRATULATIONS SERENA WILLIAMS !!!!! kwassa Aug 2017 #130

My genitalia have frogmarch Aug 2017 #135

can't believe the # of responses here giving this a complete pass; it's no wonder women are still TheFrenchRazor Aug 2017 #147

It's very disheartening, to be sure. Coventina Aug 2017 #148

Not just giving it a complete pass, but implying that anyone offended is Neema Aug 2017 #151

I am not a fan of hers but MuseRider Aug 2017 #152

I had a kid MFM008 Aug 2017 #154

So, by Serena's definition of what it takes to be a real woman rusty fender Aug 2017 #157

Harmless comment. romanic Aug 2017 #158