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[renate]

90. I'm so, so, so sorry

My heart sinks when I only imagine how you and he must be feeling right now; living it must be utterly overwhelming. How unreal, how unfair, how terrible. It sounds like you still have some uncertainty, which is a good thing (hope is always good) but is still so unsettling. I'm so sorry.

I'm glad you have this community of friends, and I hope that if it becomes necessary you will not put off seeking help from hospice. So many people wait a long time because it seems like giving up, but hospice isn't a despairing last resort: it's a huge help in a terrible time. It will make him more comfortable and it will give you both a lot of support. Please sign up for their services the minute he becomes eligible, if what you are fearing does come to pass. It will help.

I hope you get good news next week. I'm sorry for the long, immensely stressful days that come between now and then.

Sending you so much love.