Grief never goes away.

[lapfog_1]

42. As a former scuba instructor

I subscribed to a "magazine" called Undercurrent... they didn't accept any advertising and was really directed to people in the dive industry. The last page of the magazine (or sometimes 2 pages) was directed to a column titled "Why divers die" and it would cover, in some detail, diving accidents.

You are probably correct, if he was diving without the proper equipment in icy waters... a cardiac event could have easily been the cause. Wetsuits often leak... I've had it happen to me where a gap at the neckline in the back allows a stream of water to enter and run down your spine. It feels like someone is stabbing you and can be shocking. Dry suits are much better but you can still tear them and experience that same feeling.

And I completely understand about the sharing of memories and feeling of being disconnected from your life as a much younger person. I tend to tell the stories about my family... even if only to myself in my head... to recall the details.

I wish you peace and healing. I have come to terms with the changes that happened to me - instead of being an Annapolis graduate and career Navy officer and, hopefully, Captain of my own submarine in the US Navy... I eventually joined NASA (my second childhood ambition) and became Chief Scientist (one of many) and achieved success in my field. All because of the death of my brother when he was an officer in the Navy.