After 13 years of no alcohol...

[LuckyCharms]

8. It was a wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas.

But for me, Christmas comes with a curse, every motherfucking year.

Everything hits me at once, and I can't stop it.

Probably like a lot of people here though...

I try to be strong, and I almost always am, not at Christmas though. Every fucking year.

I want to tell people how I have to live...but I can't. It's fucking crazy, and it's fucking hard. And I can't admit to anyone just how fucking hard it is. I feel guilty, because there's worse things. But Christ Almighty, it's so fucking hard. Big stuff, not trivial stuff. And I don't even talk to my spouse about it. Because I don't want to burden her. I haven't told ANYONE about it.

It's wearing me right the fuck down to a nub.

Even the strongest people get worn down.

I'm worn down, and I can't talk about it. Can't get the words out. Can't burden anyone.

When I try to talk about it...ahh...fuck it.