This message was self-deleted by its author

[calimary]

33. You have all our sympathies for your difficult path through this time, eugene.

My best friend has had a pretty rough go, herself, and sometimes I've heard her say that she believes she must have run over God's dog in an earlier life, or some such thing.

Not to make light of it - not at all. (Although, sometimes you can't do anything else but laugh at it.)

When my mom died several years ago, I posted about it very late that night. Husband and kids were asleep and I had my usual insomnia, and felt kinda puny and alone, with lots of mixed feelings. My mom and I had had some difficult times between us. Her multi-headed illness took her down slow and hard. Perhaps you know how it is when your loved one's sickness cannot be cured, and you know it's only a matter of time, and when the time comes - there's that fallback "well, she's in a better place," or "well, at least she isn't suffering anymore," or "well, at least she isn't in pain anymore." And all that other lame stuff you say to yourself at times like that. When the death is actually one of those Bizarro World blessings. When even my mom herself, who'd always fought it and always felt she was gonna get up out of that hospital bed one more time - had now been saying "this isn't living. This isn't living." She'd reached the point where she finally wanted to go. And there you are, knowing it's the only way out.

And I posted just a one-liner on DU. And I shrugged and went to make a cup of tea.

I returned to my computer and was promptly OVERWHELMED. OVER-FREAKIN'-WHELMED.

There were some 20-or-so posts already. Loving, kind, sympathetic, empathetic, supportive, you name it. Just all of a sudden. Outta NOWHERE.

In an hour or so the responses had expanded to about a hundred. And it went on. By the next day there were SEVERAL hundred! By the NEXT DAY! And private messages of love and comfort, people offering a shoulder to cry on, people offering their phone numbers if I ever needed to talk to someone, people reaching out to me in every way. It was UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!

NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS here on this site, I will NEVER forget that. NEVER, EVER.

It won't bring your loved ones back - two-legged OR four-legged. It won't make their pain stop. It won't make YOU stop hurting. It won't make time turn back to the days before your troubles started.

But it will mean a MOUNTAIN RANGE-worth. It will buoy you up. It will make you feel not quite so alone and un-cared-about.

It's one of the most treasured times on DU that I've ever experienced. It will help you to be here and to share your troubles. There are many shoulders here to help you carry that burden. They'll help carry you, too, and help you get through it.

Glad you're here.

BTW - I'm crying now, too. It was kind of a gnarly weekend for me (not on the order of magnitude that you are experiencing, though), and I need to remember this, myself. For my own sanity. DU is here for you. It's the BEST site on the internets.