Points to ponder when you're stoned...

[MrScorpio]

5. Here I go!

Why during winter do we keep our house as warm as it was when we complained about the heat?
A: If you're probably not complaining about the humidity too, you're not doing it right


How come you never hear father in law jokes?
A. Because they're usually too jocular, laid back or toasted to be a nuisance.


How do those dead bugs get into enclosed light fixtures?
A. Bug funerals.


Why do people keep returning to the refrigerator in the hope that something new will have materialized?
A. Those are only people who are too lazy to grocery shop.

Can you cry underwater?
A. Yes, same as any other bodily function


If you have sex with a prostitute and don't pay her is it considered rape or shoplifting?
A. Breach of Contract


Is there ever a day when mattresses aren't on sale?
A. Never


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
A. A square box is easiest to make


Once you're in heaven, are you stuck wearing the same clothes you were buried in?
A. No, you get to dress up in the finest clothes of dead designers


Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
A. To keep their hair perfect, silly.


Why does a dog get mad when you blow in his face but when he goes for a ride he sticks his head out the
window?
A. They're too polite to tell you that your halitosis is in overdrive.


If humans evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
A. We're all evolved from a common ancestor into different species