Worried about my boyfriend [View all]

[alarimer]

He recently moved to the DC area to be closer to me and to his daughter who lives there. He just started a brand-new job and apparently there is some of the usual new-job bullshit he has to deal with. It's been two weeks of training and meetings and a lot of nonsense that is starting to wear him down a little.

I don't even think that's the real issue. Once he gets into his actual job, it should be okay.

The other problem (and a bigger one) is that is currently living in his daughter's basement and miserable. He shares his bed with his young grandson (who is about 3), because the house is full. That's not that big a deal either except that he came home from visiting me to find that one of his grandsons slept in his bed and peed in it. Apparently no one cleaned it up. Basically, though, it is just a chaotic situation. The kids are undisciplined. The mom is currently trying to go to school (GI Bill), and there is just a lot going on. There is an obnoxious dog, who is neglected (and really needs to be in some other, less chaotic home).

I initially thought this was going to be temporary. Her lease is up in August, I believe and he wants them all to live together. She is living off the GI Bill, in a very expensive part of the country and it will help her save money if he foots the bill for housing at least. Since I am not living up there and it may take me a while to find a job up there, it's okay with me. I do have some misgivings, given that my boyfriend refuses (or is unable) to set boundaries. Living in a larger place will not solve those issues. He currently has no privacy, no chance to unwind in the evenings. But I have to listen to him complain every night. I am writing this in part just to vent. I don't really know what to tell him. In my opinion, moving his daughter in with him will be a mistake and he will be unhappy, although it will be a temporary situation (2 years max) until she finishes her degree. He has tried to persuade her to move someplace less expensive, but she is dead-set on one particular university.

I am looking for a job and eventually he and I will live together, but in the meantime I don't know what to tell him. I am going to suggest that he look for some other temporary living arrangement, because the situation is currently untenable. Maybe a short-term lease somewhere. He might be able to find someone's garage apartment closer to his work or something like that, for the next 4-5 months until her lease is up.

I don't know that there is an answer, if he won't actually be honest with his daughter about his needs.