The stages of grief they don't talk about in the media. [View all]

[RandySF]

I just got back to California from my mother's funeral and associated business in Michigan and going through the stages of grief was a long journey, much longer than I expected because I found myself experiencing things they don't talk about in popular psychology. And if you have not yet experienced a major loss in your life (and may your loved ones live long, long, and healthy live) you may find yourselves experiencing them. For those who have suffered loss, you may find that you are not alone:

1. Jealousy: "Why does (fill in the blank) get to live to 93 while my mom is dead?". Yes, I thought that. As I talked to people during Visitation, all I could think was how much older some people are compared to my mom when she passed. Why couldn't it be MY mom. Why can't she have another twenty years?". Never mind that mom had a peaceful, painless. By golly, I wanted her around as long as anyone else.

2. Confusion/Disorientation: One morning after the funeral, I took dad and my son out to breakfast. We we were all worn out from the previous two days and were just going to take it easy. But I might as well have been looking at Egyptian hieroglyphics instead of a menu. I could not understand a single word I was looking at. FINALLY, I realized I was looking at a food menu and was able to fumble around and pick something out. I was this useless for about two days.

3. Hope: For the first time in decades, this agnostic began hoping that all the things about Heaven that I heard in church were true. I clung to it as I looked at mom in her coffin. "It can't be the end. It has to be true that I'm going to see her again." And even now, I am holding out for the possibility that I indeed will.

I still feel her near me. i know I did in her house. I can still hear her voice. One way or another, whether it's a spirit or just memories. She'll always be with me.