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Elmer S. E. Dump

(5,751 posts)

35. And if someone broke into your house

Fri Apr 1, 2016, 07:40 PM

Apr 2016

You'd confront them - first with the box of shells, because if they can't win the shell game they lose and have to leave. If they have better shells, well, you allow your new friends to take whatever they want, then hug them goodbye and wave as they walk out the door.

Now, the tough part of this is if the shells come out relatively equal. The decision of the judges of course is final, however there have been, if you will, "exceptions made". Use your imagination.

The clips will be, by rule, compared next. So much goes into this, it's hard to adequately explain it all to a layman.

If both the shells and the clips are deemed equivalent, the quality of the 9mm will be judged last.

The judges will judge the 9mm by the following criteria:

Size
Length
Girth
Weight
Shape
Color

The judges decisions WILL BE FINAL.

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67 replies

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I have reluctantly taken steps to feel more secure in my home [View all] dixiegrrrrl Apr 2016 OP

you forgot a few "magazines" !! Locrian Apr 2016 #1

LOL!!!!! MADem Apr 2016 #2

A few rounds? passiveporcupine Apr 2016 #25

sure - donuts and beer - I'm buying! Locrian Apr 2016 #32

Is that donuts? AlbertCat Apr 2016 #48

Man, FIRST response gets the inaccuracies! Quick draw! nt 7962 Apr 2016 #45

i couldn't find a 9mm... Locrian Apr 2016 #3

hee hee...... dixiegrrrrl Apr 2016 #4

This one's better.... Spitfire of ATJ Apr 2016 #11

LMAO! Thanks, I needed that! CapnSteve Apr 2016 #5

If you want to protect you and your future lovd ones... eggplant Apr 2016 #6

Or as they say in the Islands... Fritz Walter Apr 2016 #13

Or... Baitball Blogger Apr 2016 #17

That was going to be my other choice! n/t eggplant Apr 2016 #20

That stuff is DEADLY!... Aristus Apr 2016 #46

There was a report of an accidental discharge while someone was cleaning his Magnum. Jerry442 Apr 2016 #22

mwuhahehahahahahahaha allan01 Apr 2016 #7

Much safer libodem Apr 2016 #8

" figure you are way less safe in a suicidal bender " What makes us less safe are our draconian jtuck004 Apr 2016 #18

sometimes you just have to go with the odds passiveporcupine Apr 2016 #26

"I have a 9mm and am NOT afraid to use it!" FailureToCommunicate Apr 2016 #9

Hilarious - thanks dixiegrrrrl! lastone Apr 2016 #10

ha ha ha ha ha greymouse Apr 2016 #12

*scoffingly* you don't know how the three shells work? MisterP Apr 2016 #14

Nice reference. eggplant Apr 2016 #21

"Ratburger, huh?" ProudToBeBlueInRhody Apr 2016 #40

A friend of mind named his chihuahua, Magnum Major Nikon Apr 2016 #15

Love it! Baitball Blogger Apr 2016 #16

You better keep these locked up and out of childrens reach! DrewFlorida Apr 2016 #19

To dixiegrrrrl and the subsequent posters... Marie Marie Apr 2016 #23

Glad it helped lighten the mood. dixiegrrrrl Apr 2016 #58

Excellent. You will be a lot safer now than if you had a gun. SunSeeker Apr 2016 #24

I wish I lived in a country where . . . DrBulldog Apr 2016 #27

And if someone broke into your house Elmer S. E. Dump Apr 2016 #35

I see you have given this a lot of thought. dixiegrrrrl Apr 2016 #43

Forgot about our deadly Shi Tsu! Elmer S. E. Dump Apr 2016 #65

DUZY!! thread lunatica Apr 2016 #28

Someone is posting Duzys again????? dixiegrrrrl Apr 2016 #29

Yes!!! lunatica Apr 2016 #30

You can find posts sometimes by word/phrase in the Google site search at top right of the page. dixiegrrrrl Apr 2016 #37

I logged on just now to say... hermetic Apr 2016 #31

I have to give you that one! Thanks for the laugh and the fun!! Elmer S. E. Dump Apr 2016 #33

That's a DUzy, dixiegrrrrl! Dont call me Shirley Apr 2016 #34

Thanks, that made my day n/t lordsummerisle Apr 2016 #36

I know the feeling matt819 Apr 2016 #38

Thanks for the laugh. montana_hazeleyes Apr 2016 #39

Typical of you liberals. 9mm? progressoid Apr 2016 #41

"Typical of you liberals. 9mm?" pablo_marmol Apr 2016 #53

Yeah, Atari cartridges would have been worth too much kentauros Apr 2016 #54

Well-aimed ink cartridges might do some damage........ pablo_marmol Apr 2016 #56

Might be easier with an eye-drop and an inkwell, in that case. kentauros Apr 2016 #59

For Home Invasions, You'll Want to Shoot Intruders...Include a Camera Bodych Apr 2016 #42

Shells are always handy ... JustABozoOnThisBus Apr 2016 #44

Excellent! Thespian2 Apr 2016 #47

Thanks dixiegrrrrl! Duval Apr 2016 #49

You need a nice Corinthian leather box for storage. braddy Apr 2016 #50

This message was self-deleted by its author IDemo Apr 2016 #51

Looks like the AlertMonster passed you by, dixiegrrrrl. pablo_marmol Apr 2016 #52

Seems like more than a few folks have no sense of humor even on Apr. 1 dixiegrrrrl Apr 2016 #55

Made me chuckle as well. pablo_marmol Apr 2016 #57

Lol Liberal_in_LA Apr 2016 #60

Good One! burrowowl Apr 2016 #61

You will be safe now. dchill Apr 2016 #62

Nothing wrong with defending your home with a firearm. Socal31 Apr 2016 #63

If I ever have firearms, I'll be calling the fire brigade. kentauros Apr 2016 #66

Dangerous firearm nikto Apr 2016 #64

Well done. (nt) Paladin Apr 2016 #67