Big hug to all of those who have/had a shitty mom and is having a tough time today [View all]

[nadine_mn]

This is not to bash Mother's Day or moms in general.

Some of us have abusive, neglectful, absent or just plain crappy mothers. And for reasons I don't understand, some people really have a difficult time with the notion that not all moms are good moms. Somehow the mere fact she gave birth to you is enough for you to be eternally grateful. Note - not saying pregnancy or childbirth is easy. Giving birth vs actually raising a child with unconditional love are vastly different things.

I started dreading Mother's Day a long time ago - picking out a card for my mom made me feel like such a hypocrite. All of the flowery language and thank you for being my mom - just made me feel icky.

But I always got her a card, gift, took her out to eat - out of obligation not appreciation. My mom is extremely emotionally abusive and in the past was physically abusive as well. I am still dealing with the trauma from being raised by such a twisted narcissist. Everyone in my family knew she was abusive, but always put it on me to deal with her so they wouldn't have to engage with her. The phrases "oh but she's your mom, she loves you in her own way or "you have to forgive her, she's your mom and the only one you will ever have" make me sick. Oh I got lucky with an abusive dad as well, but everyone was fine with me never having contact with him.

So obviously, no one is forcing me to celebrate or even acknowledge the day - it is just everywhere - commercials, stores, social media, tv, etc. And for the most part I am ok with ignoring it. I know that it isn't directed at me or that I have to run out and order her a bunch of flowers. But it doesn't make it any easier - it still hurts, it is still a reminder of feeling like I missed out on something.

I just wanted to give a big hug to anyone have a tough time because of their circumstances. And if you ever feel the urge - no matter how well-intentioned - to say "but she's your mom, of course you love her", please stop. You mean well but it really hurts.

I realize that this sounds full of self-pity and I guess it is. I am just having a tough time of it today, and figured I can't be the only one - so wanted to give love and support to anyone feeling overwhelmed today.